I am a mess,
I can't stop feeling like this,
My loneliness that I can't even bear it,
no one had seen my suicidal side of me,
I would something that i don't want to do,
because of my own isolation,
My room is a mess,
like me,
My depression leads something worse,
I feel so weak and numb..

My darkness is depressing,
No one seen my troubled times,
Even though their still is,
When I thought of someone had changed for because of someone or something,
Doesn't mean that it's true,
Even though they want the drama to end,
Doesn't mean that they will still hurt you,
I feel hurt cause of a promise,
That wasn't needed to be broken,
I was in tears when I realized it,
It was pain and I suffered long enough,
I know now I seen her true colors,
More than I know,
I still feel hurt,
The pain won't go away until I know something good about them.

A girl that was born broken,
that never thought of like this,
a child that never thought of losing someone,
a teen never thought of being hurt and depressed,
Reality that I never thought that it could be this cruel,
they left me in tears like a broken doll,
that i sit on a hay of straw,
i am just a broken human.

I just don't understand,
why I feel like this,
By feeling isolated,
feeling depressed,
having anxiety,
also Mentally tired.
I want to have a best life,
it just my life is so confusing,
and also part of my life feel like a lie.
I am so tired of feeling
jealous and feel like I been hated,
I feel like that people calls me a fake,
or when someone thinks that,
I am getting attention,
I just wants my problems on here,
just to get the worst off my chest.
I am just so tired of everything.

The time that I was in the tenth grade in high school, I started to write poetry and stories. I never forgotten when someone in my life made me feel like this, like a weak person that is been very hurtful to me.

Even though that we went to our separate ways, it doesn't change the pain away. Like one time me and them always share poetry and them threw me away and she threw the friendship necklace away and I never forget what it looks like.

I like to put an example of of old poem that I could try to remember. It was about true friendship and never will break away.

'When I first met you,
We were enemies and become best friends,
We grew until something bad happened,
And we came back together,
Our friendship will last forever,
True friends tells each other the truth and never lie to each other,
That why we are indescribable.'

I was hurt when I saw this and it made me feel so weak in my life and sometimes that I don't know why I am here anyways?

I had people in my life that I was been bullied and I been thrown away like no one cares or sees my problems.

Well it's life and no one knows why. I don't know why things happens.

More reasons why I am like this is that my personality are strange and weird, and mostly of my AntiSocial life. Well depression,
anxiety, eating disorder, and others that I have that made me what I am.

I don't have many friends physical cause I don't go out much like I stay home all the time. That my life. My isolation that my family made me feel worse and I don't know why this happens to me between them and me?

I don't deserve this for what I get from them, some of my family doesn't talk to me. They would be a work, be busy or doing something that I don't know about. I want to be free and I been hurt too many times and I wish that I get out of here where I live at and moved on. My past still haunts me since I was 4 years old.

I guess I deserve for what I get for granted. :(

I feel a burden to everyone,
I feel like I have nothing,
My mind is killing me when I feel like this,
When no one around me and no one to talk to,
I feel down and depressed,
Mostly worse than that,
Deep down inside of me that my life have been worse by the day,
And not my family by 80% not been there for me with my problems,
Even though that they say that they're, but not really,
Even though that I have a few friends online,
Their mostly doing something or going to work or college,
Oh well I guess I deserve it,
It my karma cause that I feel like that life will give me a bad time too.
Well sometimes that I don't know why I am still here anyway.
I keep thinking that life will be better, but it makes it worse.

I don't understand why things happens,
hurt by people that I loved includes,
my family,
friends and ex-friends that i don't talk to,
and also don't get much support from them,
my pain doesn't show much physically,
but mentally it shows,
I wish that I would made my pain to end,
but don't know how.
I deserve ever bad karma comes to me,
I learn my punishment just made me even more pain,
i want it to end.

Would things matters when people lies,
would things matter if people stabs you(me) in the back,
is it okay when I stay in the dark forever,
is it fine when people calls me a nobody?
Would things matter when I go to a places to go no where,
Me just wonders why everything in this world is so cruel,
like a piece of leaf falls on my hands just crumbles in seconds,
like a burning fire.
The darkness is the worst way to go,
is when someone that have a mental state of issues in life that need help.
that when someone thinks that they are worthless when no one have anyone left.

My mind can't take anymore damages from her,
I am tired of her giving me nightmares,
My mind hurts when to think about it,
I just don't know why life hates me that badly,
What can I do to forget her when she scar me for life,
Ever that that I seen a red car or anything red,
My heart hurts and i don't know why,
I been in more worse situations,
but not like this,
she played my mind too many times,
i just heard voices in my head like it was her voice and
just tell me to **** myself,
My anxiety just raises up and i start panicking,
she made my mind twisted.

Most of my life when I am thinking about things that made me feel;
Hurt. makes me feel insane when to think about it;
The insane part is that my life that I been through is;
lost of people that I have in life;
The way that I am thinking about her is;
most is some is anger cause of lies and been stab in the back;
Another is that I am sad cause of her(s) leaving me behind without a word;
I am was a fool cause of a few people in my life lets me down;
I am trying to be better, it just hard;
I thought that we shared a lot that we was sisters;
I guess that we wasn't met to be;
I become more hurt than you cause,
I thought that you was a good friend(s) to me;
I wished that they would prove to me that they would change;
Now I know that the world is the same, and People don't change;
When they want to change:

"To me it doesn't matter to me anymore. Because I got used to people hurting me and stab me in the back. I am not as strong as people think that I am. My wise words right now is that no matter where I am at, I will find a best friend to be replace soon."

-Selene

I was silence for so long,
I have been awoken,
I was tired of being quiet,
I was tired of being hurt all the time,
Even tho I am still hurt,
Sometimes that I need a real friend can at least cares for me,
For who I am and What I am,
From the Last chapter Unbelievable,
I needed to do it cause It was in my chest for so long,
I been hurt by her for a long time and someday that I never knew,
I do now know that I am not a fool and I am mostly free,
I wish that she just apologies for all the wrong,
so I will be free and she can too,
I pray everyday that she will.

dreams can be good,
I wish.. cause my dreams
are always horrible,
Once in a while that I get good ones,
My minds always tells me that
something good or bad will happened,
and nine out of ten things of my life happens,
Feeling apart in life that i want to do that I can't.
dreams in my point of view comes to reality.

When I thought about you like a yellow rose,
How I remembered you as a beautiful friend,
I thought of you a lot of support and love,
We used to had a strong Friendship,
I thought that our friendship that have undying love,  
We were having ups and downs that we always apology to each other,  
Our lives have intense emotion,  
You have a strong  life of jealousy cause you always have come back to me,
You always had broken heart,
By you what you done to me a very extreme betrayal.

Secrets to me is like a burning rose,
then when someone sees the burning rose,
it becomes hurt and pain.
It like a relationship with a friend stabbed you behind,
without you knowing it and see it.
Lies is like a burning rose,
A rose is like a special someone that you don't think
that you do something and you ask them if they do it,
they will deny it like they become burned,
I been there too many times to know what happens
to a precious rose.

My mind was broken, into pieces,
No one understands my issues,
I was falling apart, I have no one
No one around me, alone...

Then I felt in love, with him,
But someone bothering us,
We felt it, a spark around us,
It felt infinitely, it is a warm feeling.

The man that gave me hope,
The man that saved me from my..
Suicidal stage, harm myself,
He helped me with it all.

Been harassed by one of her minion,
I felt pain inside, need to be stronger,
Stronger than her,
She hurt me and she doesn't know it all.

She wanted to show off at my place,
The pain that I thought that she changed,
Change her heart to become a better....
Better person...

The same as always, never will change,
The hurt, pain, I need help, please,
My man that comforts me,
The love that I feel wanted.

I am his and he is mine,
He gave me hope, Love, and faith,
Even though he have school,
So we can start a wonderful life,
Together.

The love that gives me
Is more than Infinity,
It is forevermore.