I’ll miss your tattoos

and the way you part your hair.

I’ll even miss the dumb clothes

you like to wear.

At night I’ll miss

the whisper of words

you say so carelessly.

I’ll miss listening to your heartbeat

as I rest my head upon your chest.

I’ll miss even more the way your

fingers crawl inside of me.

And the faces you make as

I ***.

I’ll miss the way you throw me against

the shower walls.

I’ll miss all the things we did

just for fun.

But I speak these words in tears

at night

all alone in my room,

because I won’t ever say out loud that

I miss you

because I want to be

strong.

She had a necklace that was placed
so gently above her collar bones.
The necklace held the letter "N"
I thought I had more time to be able
to ask her what it meant.
She's long gone now
and it remains a mystery.
**** her for not
having the answer
written on her skin.

I was 15 years old with trails
of white powder dripping from my nose.
I was 16 and never saw a sober day of my life,
I hid behind bottles of whiskey and ***,
bags of molly, and vials of kitty.
I was 17 and growing tired
of this life.
I was 17 and knew this
wasn’t who I was meant to be.
I was 17 with friends and
a pact to move to California and make
something of ourselves. I was 18
and kicked out of my mothers house.
I was 18 and living with a best friend.
I was 18 and found out they
were doing ****** and ****.
I was 18 and sick of
all the lies so I left.
I moved to Socal where
I surfed couch to couch till I
climbed my way to the Bay area.
I was 19 and lost.
I was 19 and went on a 2 month
road trip with my best friend and a guy who tried to ****** me.
I was 19 and
looking for myself. I made it
to New Orleans and back with only losing myself
more. I was 19 and fell in love
for the first time. I was
20 and met a boy whom I never
sought out to show me how to change myself until he broke my heart for
the very first time. I was
20 years old and let him enter my
tunnel heart   like the yellowbird  he is.
He made it out alive but for a second I didn’t think I would.
I did. I was 20 and
finding myself. I was 20 and getting myself
together after a broken heart.  
I was 20 and I found myself for the first time.
I was 20 and no longer wanted death for my birthday
I am now 21 and fearless.

Girls like me
like to leave scars
on the people we touch
as to show anyone who
comes after that we were
there and we will always
be there.

My favorite time of day is when
I am just waking up with an empty stomach
and collar bones that are shallow enough to float a boat.
That could be the tiny monster that still lives in me
thinking but it’s the time of day
that I feel most beautiful.

I wiped your
words off my walls
and they smeared…
Just like the times
you said them.