Behind my knee sockets

The relaxed drowsy pull on shoulders

Like a lead brick in the back of my head

The unsupressed mournful sighs behind my eyes

The dry tears, sobs stuck

Windows of the soul, black, empty

My body is a cage

Ready to implode and give out

Roll me over and let it spill out of my pores

For I am the porous humanity of depression

i put my arms up above my head as my heart sank below my bed

and i asked God to take the pain away -

to help me up, to show me he was there at my worst.

multiple times, in multiple ways i asked, i begged,

and just like life he made me wait until weakness seized control,

and i let my hands drop hail from the sky, heavy and cold.

and i slowly fell over to the barren of my bed

and layed there with negativity eating my soul, and blackness filling my heart, i layed there

and the waterfall poured, and my heart raced, and you still, werent, there.

Where are you God

im not quite to sure anymore


you hear that God?

were looking for you

we’ve always been there

but you werent

so where were you

are we not good enough for you either

tell me

or **** me

Have i lost faith so quickly

if you have, i have also

its been two weeks of questioning

where are you God?

its been two years of questioning

where are you God?

Alone like the rest of the days, I lay in my bed and shut the world off and my mind on.

I reflect about the past night filled with negativity and horrid feelings, just waiting for them to slowly encroach into my thoughts once more.

The tethers of darkness tighten their grip around my arms, my chest warms from the rapid beats of my heart and slowly melts down into my mattress leaking hatred in every drop hardening once more when it hits my cold tear streaked sheets, my legs lay lifeless.

my heart with a gashing hole from a mythical screwdriver

rising

out of my problem filled mind, confused and mixed up brain

escaping

from my diminishing soul