I find it ironic that i was the one that hated him so much I pushed her to leave
Now I'm the only one of his children to share his disease
Poking my fingers using needles I bleed
I have to be cautious of everything I eat
Some call it the sugar but it's better known as diabetes
Wishing so badly something would come to free me
I feel like a prisoner trapped by my own health
You can't buy a cure no matter your wealth
I try to convince myself i can deal
All the while praying to God to heal
Rid me of this pesky yet dangerous disease
I'm begging I'm pleading and asking the Lord please
Please don't let me pass this to my sons
Let it stop with me let me be the last one
I've lost too many family members due to this curse
I'm watching my father suffer through something even worse
I use to want distance from my dad.       now seeing my reality i guess i can't be mad
This is now what bonds us it makes us distantly close
This is an estranged relationship different from most
I promise to be better and there for my sons
For them I'll keep fighting until this battle is won
I'll be to them what he never was to me
Caring, involved and judgment free
I guess it counts that at least he's trying now
I see his ill state and can forgive enough to lessen the stress lines in his brow
I'll put the past to rest and give the present my best pray for the future cause life is just a big test

Sometimes I wish I could go back to when I was a kid again
And be blind to this messed up world we're living in
But I know this can't be so I do my best to cope
Control my impulses before I start to choke
On all the frustration I feel building on my throat
They got our backs up against the ropes
One more push and it's gonna be the final poke
It is time we all start to sing a different note
We are running out of time it feels like the end is close
I'm just trying to make it long enough to watch some grand kids grow
I ask the world because I just have to know
How long are we gonna hold onto the hate and when can we let it all go
Don't tell me this madness will last forever
Somebody please tell me it isn't so...

Who do you call if you can't call the COPS
for fear it may be you that ends up unjustly SHOT
the systems been BROKEN since before I had life
before hooded CRIMINALS  rode horseback into the night
things have improved but we are far from a fix
even today as races are becoming so MIXED
there is still this fear that doesn't hold true
would you still blame the victim if he looked more like YOU?
It seems like a problem that may never be solved
half of us working toward CHANGE the rest of us fall
fall into the life that perpetuates what they think
that we are nothing but thugs that ******* and drink
that way it makes it ok to shoot our MEN like dogs in the street
Now is the time in fact it's far over due
for all people to stand up and speak the TRUTH

I met this girl that claimed she didn't want to live
It made me think back to when I was a kid
I experienced pain like most people do
But I always thought to myself this can't all be true
Something had to be wrong with this picture I'm seeing
I'm yelling so loud but its like no one hears me screaming
I look at her face and see the hurt in her eyes
I pick my words carefully because I know she has already heard too many lies
I want to say something to comfort her pain
I know all to well those feelings of shame
She said the cutting helps her but I could tell that it didn't
She spoke with reassuring words but her eyes read something different
She had no idea of the people I've lost
They thought taking their own lives was the only way to make it all stop
Little does she know the regret they must feel
To be gone from their loved ones because they couldn't deal
With the pressures life brings everyone has to face it
You live and you learn only time can replace it
So when I asked her to give it time I was pleading
To stop craving the pain and the bleeding
Give life a chance because it's passing you by
While you sit and you wallow and ask yourself why
Some things in this life go unexplained
But if you die now it would be in vain
Cause all that would be left is a girl without a name

These men....
I have these men after me.
But not like they want to cherish me and love me and make me their wife.
It's more like they just want to try to get in deep and have fun for the night.  
Im trapped by my own beauty.  The gift and the curse.  
There's always one there waiting, each one keeps getting worse.
Im losing my vision and maybe even some of my worth.  
It's time to redefine the line and come out new like at birth.
Can't hold me down then don't come around cause I can stand on my own.  Im a Queen and there's only room for a true King on this throne.
I can't deal with the lies and constant heartbreak.
Might need a fence around my **** that reads,  "KEEP OUT ALL FAKES"
no time to waste, no ***** to give I realize it's not a race.
Just take my time, make sure im fine and I know I'll land in my place. Until then I'll just grin and politely ask for my SPACE.