He's transparent
yet my vision is still blurred
My struggles leave my mind
and the past fills my heart
My sky is above the blue
yet I still stare down
Reaching
Tiring to the point of defeat
Waiting uncomfortably
with irrational ideas
Barely escaping each time
only to end up
back at him

Anticipation floods my veins
like an ocean wave crashing along a rocky shore
When I close my eyes, I can see it all
yet I have no reference to what the darkness
consuming my mind is revealing
Stuck in a state of mind
where opposites accompany one another
in order to cope with the fierceness
of reality
Where a tear laved with disappointment
rests comfortably on the edge
of a smile that translates
an undeniable sense of satisfaction
Imprisoned by a wall
where every stone is the exact same
yet every one counts for something
different
Dreams disintegrate into nightmares
Nightmares regurgitate what open eyes display
Assumed truth

Coldness covers her hibrinating soul
unwilling to allow the discomfort of life
and reality
to inhibit her personality
she unconsciously fights
puts up a guard
stops the bad from entering
blindly turns away the good
Shadows of a life
she doesn't even remember
follow her dragging feet
slowing her and pushing her at the same time

She's melting into nothingness
building a thick wall that seperates her
from pain and sorrow
No one can see in
understand why
They barely even notice
Inscripted onto the imaginary walls
that form her sanctuary
are words...
If I never love, I'll never hurt
If I'm never happy, I'll never be sad
If I never let them in, I'll never be let down
Her guise rises each morning with the sun
escapes only when sleep allows it to
Sleepless nights cause nothing but confusion
and conflict
Two minds, two personalities
one person
Nothingness
She slowly escapes
melts

So this is it
the end of the beginning
Looking back
in order to decipher the future
Given nothing but hours spent
doing tedious tasks at a desk
in a decorated prison
in order to prepare
for hours spent
doing tedious tasks
in a cubicle
This is America
land of opportunity
May I please take you're order?

The worlds tears have fallen from cold, distant clouds
that slowly begin to recede
Allowing the tempting sun to mingle with the occasional
showers
Off in the distance, you can see her
Emerging through whites, greys, and the invading soft blue
She stands out, shows color in a shaded place
... is unique
No end
No beginning
A mystery to those lacking the ability to intertwine
logic and imagination
Her layers rest calmly against one another
each with her own perspective
its own personality
Never afraid to show her real colors
Refuses to let opposite emotions empower the other
able to find the beauty in both
If you're lucky
you'll discover all the riches she offers
A task that has to be completed

New realizations pour from my fingertips
Finally awake from a sleeping perception
that clouded my view of something
dark and cold
Shivers were mistaken for thrills
Love for lust
Life was death
Minutes passed as seconds
yet time had paused
It's all an image
One I somehow lost my way into
became a part of
To think I praise myself for lack of ignorance
when all along I was the one in bliss

Temptation hinders her perception
blinded by beauty
found in locked eyes
Nothing is there
except the hunger
a craving so strong that the atmosphere loses meaning
dissolves into the background
All is lost to admiration that lacks
courage and voice
Full of almosts and should'ves
the relationship sits still
no progression
yet they both know whats there
Afraid to admit it
inescapably aware

For now, I'll let it be
lay dormant for the days to come
Awaken when all else is lost
to the deceiving lure
Admire the silence that was
prepare for the whispers ahead
Make them not want to understand
Escape tangled explanations
relay emotions not felt by others
without sacrificing its beauty
Impossible
Inevitable
It's no longer mine
The secrets are gone

What do I do now?
My shackles are unlocked
left to live what they call life
confused and alone
No bars except those I impose on myself
Knowing what it means to struggle
an expert on aches and pains
that infect mind body and soul
I'm told that it is my turn
to take hold of the leash
that has led my life thus far
No hints to help me find my way
or explanations of right and wrong
just me
and the intimidating world
Am I expected to survive?