How many times can I check facebook, check facebook check facebook?
Glance, browse stalk, stalk harder.
How many times can I watch a show on my computer?
Watched, finished, next episode next episode next episode-caught up
How many times can I get distracted, get distracted check emails—no new messages
Entertain me, distract me, disconnect
I want to be turned on standby, autopilot, you can think for me
Keeps the walls of paper from burying me, suffocating me
Intellectually flat-line, a mental goodbye
Lose consciousness, fake my awake
Get lost, then found then actually find my way back to my workload
Attempt the task that terrifies
Look it in the eye,
Unafraid eager and tackle it down to the ground
One subject two three,
But the pile it looms over me, consumes me
I bit off more than I can chew
Teeth that don’t release, don’t retract
All I think of is how I should act
Attack, straight on? That’s the best bet
Nothing was ever accomplished by sitting down in fret
The stakes are just too high to try
A failed attempt changes impressions
Self-Conceptions

When I look at you I see a fragile balloon
Stretched so thin is the membrane which contains you
Outside the rubber we stand
Needles fiercely at hand
I try and try to block the other’s attack
Or substitute dull knives so you won’t crack
However, my own is bubbling, yearning to pop
As I slowly realize that I hold a power I can’t contain or hope to stop
“Sensitivity” You ask?
What? I need to better safe guard?
You gave me this power.
Walk around like I am the one surrounded with more glass?
Abuse was inevitable from bias eyes
Easily spawning your destructive lies
You seem to forget my discipline exceeds on my part
Sorry sweetie, there is not human that can safely hold your heart

A rose’s charm forever in contrast with its thorns of adversity
The sweetness of its sent forever heightened by the punishment of its affliction
A rose’s pride forever silenced by the reminder of its hubris
Forever, a warning to admirers of its beauty

You restart my heart
Put it into cardiac arrest
Make it bounce and flip—these unnatural things
But what else can I do?
To ensure that I can have this same affect on you?

I hope it drowns out the screams of reality
To paint happiness with a youthful brush
Replacing my childhood with happier memories
A forced fantasy
A dream rather than a sober possibility

Lumber is stoked and the flames rise higher
Time passes and I hope that they do heal but still they cannot be soothed
All I can wish for is that with time, they will be subdued
For now they simply rise and rise, higher and higher into the limitless sky
I may try to cut off the oxygen supply
Will I die?
Maybe if I don’t breathe
Maybe if I don’t feel I can protect myself—no that is simply wishful thinking
The yells and screams aren’t the worst part
It’s the subtle silence and tension that pulls at my heart
You shouldn’t be together, you aren’t happy, not in
Love.
Have you forgotten what it means?
Now it is something I can only hope to attain in my dreams
Two people unraveled stand before me
Nothing would suggest their inability to act tame
It is up to me to water down my flame
It may be too late for the corruption of my ideas--
Ideals no more
But I could never trust someone who picks a *****