I can't see through you
I can't see around you
I can't see without you
Help I am lost
I'm trapped by your laughter
By my need to create it
I'm afraid of the silence
So I let my rumination fog the glass
All I want is clarity
But maybe I'm too transparent

I never understood why your lips were confined,
To the uninviting flatness of a line.
Or why your presence was lost,
In mundane routine and apathy.
I thought maybe you didn't enjoy my company.
I didn't know if your smiles and laughs were real;
They seemed so ephemeral,
Like stifled strikes of resistance ,
Against your solemness.

When I began to burden the weight of knowledge,
I finally understood the safety of the guaranteed.
When they dismantled your family,
And starved you to emaciation,
You forgot what faith was.
You forgot what love was.
And you forgot the impact you could have on others.
But you would never forget what work was.
Your perseverance accounts for my existence.
For that you are unforgettable.

You poisoned my mind,
Left my innocence behind,
I can't get you out of my head
The things you never said,
The way you assumed all,
You let me fall,
Pretended to catch me,
With no integrity.

She sits inside a class and listens with respect;
She sprinkles in some new ideas only when requested,
Though I know her head is bursting with bright thoughts.

She has an average face but her smile lights you up;
She laughs contagiously and never disparages life,
She is the girl you cannot hate.

Remember that goal you left behind?
All the time you would dedicate,
Then your motivation began to unwind.
Why, such a small thing can wait.

You stumble upon it again,
Renew your will to commit,
This time with a new action plan.
The fire's finally been lit.

The flame holds strong,
Until priorities creep back in,
Reality comes along,
You realize the dark will win.

To protect the heart of the fire,
You must work through detail by detail,
Let perserverance overcome desire,
And you'll find that you no longer fail.

And it rushes through me,
a force of power,
the weight of loneliness,
unbounded in it's affliction,
aided by the rumination,
the thoughts that slip through my head,
through a sieve they fall,
and I feel it again,
that pulse I have succumbed to.