I'm acting like i'm 4 years old
I have no control
My whole, entire body hurts
Lets look inside my soul:

My bones feel very fragile
My skin feels very sore
My heart feels like its breaking
But that's not all, there's more

I can't control the crying
I can't make myself move
It may look like the doldrums
But even that, I can't prove

I'm not sure where this comes from
I should be a very happy girl
After all, how can one be sad?
When they've got everything in the world?

I love the support
I'm so glad you understand
I'm happy that you're here
That I have you to hold my hand

I'm sad
I feel defective
I want to explode
But I have you to be protective
To help lighten my load

Be here for me
That's all that I ask
I'm struggling
But I have you to help me patch up the cracks.

You're young
And I'm wild

I don't care, if you don't
Don't worry about everyone else
Don't listen to what people say
Think about yourself

I won't tell, if you don't
It's between you & me
They scratch at my open wounds
But you just let them bleed.

What is it about you
That catches me so off guard?
What about this sends me running?
What about this is so hard?

You'd think I was new to this
A fledgling of sorts
But i'm not new to this at all
In fact, I've been here before.

Its just my nervous heart-
Building high walled forts.

Does the human life cycle not scare you?

Babies are born, the elderly die.

Children are raised to run the world.

The adults are cared for by their young,

The young slowly grow into the old.

Children learn, adults control, the elderly endure.

Start anywhere, there is no end.

"I couldn't be more happy"
Things were going so well
No warning signs
No way to tell

You held my hand tight
I held yours tighter
I was blinded by my own happiness
Couldn't see that yours was slighter

"I couldn't be more upset"
I never had a clue
Everything on my body hurts
How am I supposed to press on without you?

He looks at her
She looks at him
While you long for her
I long for you
They want each other
You want her
But the only thing I'll ever want is
You.

I have to tell you that I'm joking
So that you won't start to shy away
I can't talk about my feelings
If I want you to stay

The thing is:
This isn't really working
It's almost like you're not even here
I can't keep pretending
I can't keep living my life in fear.

It hurts to feel unwanted-
To feel forgotten
Do you realize what you've done?

I'm hurting, feeling alone
And yet, there you are
Having fun.

Do you not care anymore?
Could I have said something wrong?
Or is it just a lack of time?

Everything hurts
I just want to be a part of your life
I wish you wanted to be a part of mine.

I'm terrified of leaving.

I really want to go.

I don't want to leave you either.

"Look for my footprints in the snow."

I had low expectations
I was prepared to go down
But you weren't an anchor
And I didn't drown.

I'm exhausted
I can't move
I can't breathe
I'm too tired to sleep
I'm too tired to do anything at all

Please
Please tell me this will all be over soon
Please tell me that this isn't permanent

You can't, so you don't.

I tried to stop myself
Everything looked too good to be true
I knew something wasn't right
You knew it too.

I pushed you away
Tried to convince myself that I didn't want you
It couldn't have been farther from the truth
You knew it too.

I couldn't stay away
This shouldn't have been news
I knew that I was addicted
You knew it too.

Nobody could ever love you as much as I do
I knew you were meant for me the day I met you
We met eyes, you smiled
You knew it too.

My behavior would seem quite rude to an outsider
One unframiliar with the dusty corners of my brain
I don't want to come off as ****** or pretentious
If my words offended you, it was never my aim

I suppose my actions were quite abrupt
My words sharp, like knives
I must apologize for my nature
It is a defense, it is the way I survive.

You're having a pity party
You announce, then pause:
I am not invited
For, I am the cause

You try to iron out your image
Make me look like the offender
Make me feel guilty
Try to appear raw, hurt, tender

I don't owe you a thing.
I don't deserve to be shamed
I don't like you?
So what?
I'm not playing your game.

"I didn't know you that well"
I whisper as you walk away
I'm thrown into a state of dreaming
I never thought it would end this way

I thought this time would be different
I thought I could be strong
I didn't think you could break me
But, I guess I thought wrong

I had unrealistic expectations
I never thought things through
Next time I'll know better
But next time, not with you.

I think I might have made a mistake
A painfully ugly mistake.
I understand if you are angry
I understand if you are upset
I know my words were hurtful
I hope, in time, you will be able to forget

So, I am offering you an apology
A weak, sad, sorry excuse for one.
I am apologizing for wasting your time
I am apologizing for leading you on
These were never my intentions
But, I do realize that I was wrong

If you remember nothing else:
Remember that I will always be here for you.
I will always be willing to listen
I will always be willing to exhort
Even if we go ten years without speaking
You will always have my support.

Things are getting out of hand.
My failures are a never ending cycle.
But where does the cycle begin?

With my stress perhaps?
Or maybe my lack of time?
My aching limbs?
All of which contribute to my decline.

Those are the big three.
But, the factors don't end there.
No matter how hard I try,
I am never prepared.

Why do I do this to myself?
I alone am to blame.
This time is no different than the last,
Things are always the same.

I crave you.
Nobody else, just you.
I want you all for myself.
Call me selfish, if you wish.
But, I want to be something you miss.

Let's take a dive into uncharted territory.
Nobody else, just you and me.

I don't think I deserve you
But you deem my words untrue
I think that you are different
But, I'm kind of different too

We can be different together
We would make a lovely pair
I will be stubborn in the morning
But, when night falls, I will be fair

I am going to be difficult
Things are going to be hard
I'm not sure that I can promise you
We'll both emerge unscarred

What I'm saying is:
I think it will be worth it
I'm willing to give it a try
I don't think I deserve you
But, I long to call you mine.

Hours away from sleep
Minutes away from waking
The night seems to drag on
When your mind is racing

I go through my daily routine
But the minute I lay down to rest
My brain tells my body-
"Tonight, still, you will sleep less."

"Hi, how are you doing?"
You say as you pass by
This question is just a courtesy
I feel obligated to lie

I'm spinning out of control
I don't know what to do
My mind is everywhere
But "I'm fine, how are you?"

Thank you for loving me
Thank you for leaving me
Thank you for finding me
Thank you for teaching me

It wasn't very long
Before you were gone
I was young, I was blind
I can't say that you were wrong

Thank you for the joy
Thank you for the pain
From you, I learned how to love
From you, there is so much that I gained.

Miss me yet?
You will.

I'm leaving soon
It won't be long
I'm breaking free
I'm moving on

Miss me today?
You should.

I'm not coming back
I'm running away
I'm saving myself
For better days

Miss me now?
You might.

I'm out on my own
I'm living the dream
I haven't forgotten you yet
Have you forgotten me?

Recieving mixed messages-
And returning them.
This is my defense mechanism.

You are here one moment
Gone the next

I am responsive today
Uninterested tomorrow

Circuitous jargon
Perpetual confusion.

Why can't things go my way for once?

Does the question make me selfish?
Do I sound insecure?
Is it just a hopeless wish?
Will I never be yours?

New one, don't you want to see what I am about?
New one, don't you want to try things out?
New one, aren't you glad I made things work?
New one, why are things failing again?
New one, I guess for now this is the end.