Is that my name on your tongue?
***** I'm the smoke up in your lungs!
Got that 1930s aptness
crazy off that ****** madness.
These players whining, got emphysema
acting like ******* is the remedy--I
I got rhymes to define my time
ain't nobody expecting
a lyrical mastermind.
But I don't owe you **** and
I ain't got **** to prove
stand toe-to-toe with me
*****, I never lose.
I ain't going to beg for your approval
it's this confidence that keeps me youthful.

"One of those for me"
"Your tattoo is beautiful"
a smile, a goodbye.

Invite me to get drinks,
I gave that up recently,
he was so polite.

The years take a toll
but his kindness remains strong.
I assume the best.

Let love, not lust, guide.
Lust is the easy tour guide--
instead, choose only love.

The unruly child --
new information tugs at me,
he has no parents.

She could yell at him;
but, she takes his suffering,
buries it within.

Her dress is vibrant,
her ghastly smile fades away,
hold on happiness.

Beauty is inside.
It is radiant inside her,
despite her hardships

Someone could save Her,
could I be the one She needs?
The answer, always yes.

Locked inside, a soul,
wires keep her jaw from moving,
but, soon she will fly.

Thank you for the tip,
but, was it because I was nice?
Beauty means nothing.

A breath,
all in the room exhale.
The lights are bright,
but I've overcome my first mountain.
I followed the light.
I left my comfort.
I am here.

A breath,
then another,
quickly another,
after a night invested in lust.
Universal emotions overwhelming.
I love you.
I am here.

A breath,
entrapped within tears.
Darkness overcomes for months;
I understand the complexity of loneliness.
Happiness will not become of me again.
Trying to decide, why
I am here.

A breath
deep, drawn out.
My nerves frayed.
The questions infinite, challenging.
A strong handshake,
a salary.
I am here.

A breath,
caused by beauty.
Not aesthetic beauty, but beauty of love.
He gasps at the sight.
The one at the alter,
and the one holding my arm.
I am here.

A breath,
this time it is not mine.
Although through the tears and pain,
my breath is loudest.
Five fingers embrace one of mine,
a small squeeze that reassures, Mommy,
I am here.

A breath,
used to tell them I love them.
I am off to a new world.
My chest rises and falls one last time,
fear does not reside beside me.
I am here.

It is just another one of those days,
I'm so stuck in my ways.
Sometimes I wake up and think what happened,
why has my happiness dampened?
why is my anger rampant?
I'm ****** up.
I'm ****** up.
Negative knowledge is all I know,
I have let this parasite grow,
It has taken over.
Now,
I am just a donor.

Here I am
at the bottom of my hole
dug by drug
and as I throw dirt out
you stand there laughing
egging me on
when I can no longer see the sun
I freeze
dust off my pants
pull myself up
and walk away
leaving you with the hole
you never help me fill in.

I'm a vine
entwined
with a mind
one of a kind.
I engulf those around me,
complexity compounding.
A black hole with no future,
they just keep falling,
calling,
"Britney, I love you
isn't that enough?"
"It is,
but I don't want kids,
I'm not ready to marry,
I won't be carried,
but those are just excuses.
I care,
I do,
but love,
not you.
Harsh reality
with common legality.
I'm sorry you fell,
the beginning of your hell,
and although there is another side,
for awhile,
you're mine.

A whisper in the night,
that is my fight.
These words mean nothing to you,
its not a new view,
not information you chew,
not even ponder.
Don't you wonder,
if I might say something important,
just one thing important?
My opinion doesn't matter,
you ears hear girly chatter,
my voice begins to shatter,
what is said,
is still dead,
a chill head,
instead,
will tread,
but no,
I am a female.
See how we wail,
our fee scale,
a free fail,
you nail.
Keep punishing me for my ***,
karma has its effects,
soon you'll be next.

Torn apart,
that's what you think I did?
Knowingly took your heart,
cut it to shreds,
purposefully broke your heart,
sadistically watch you bleed
as I relish in the thought of your pain.
I wish I could,
see, if I didn't care
life would be a simple freeway
ruining the beauty of nature
with no consequences,
but the tears you shed
and the pain you feel
rips my soul apart,
things will never be the same.

dead flowers why do you depress me?
you once made me happy
kind of sappy
now just ******.
each time it happens
bought for me
beautiful, free,
a note
a quote
now dead
i still love you
but you're dead.

Sahara sobs cease,
there is nothing left to give.
Diminishing fast.

Sold!
This one's teeth are bad,
I'll take her for a hundred.
Bruises?
This just won't do,
maybe the Russians will want her.
Look at this one,
porcelain skin,
green eyes,
emeralds,
hair that captures the essence of obsidian,
nails painted,
like the mask of her face,
though she doesn't need it,
is she worth enough?
One million?
Two?
I think she is priceless,
but they only see her as an asset,
permanent property,
something to control.
No rights,
beauty to belittle,
to take to their room,
tie her up and make her scream,
for your own sick pleasure.
She takes it,
not because she has to,
but because it is all she has ever known,
but to me,
she's a scarcity,
something to love,
something to cherish,
my princess.

A monster in me.
Please don't feed the animals;
then they never die.

Do you have to ***?
Your pants tell me otherwise.
Why not just go ***?

That's when it started,
made me black hearted.
I drank.
First malt liquor,
I could make it disappear quicker.
Then I started to go thicker,
with a drink a bit richer,
a mixer.
***** with anything,
half a fifth or half a gallon,
it didn't matter,
didn't matter if I got madder,
or sadder,
as my wall shatters.
Fill it,
spill it,
will it,
chill it,
**** it,
keep it down,
without a sound.
No one can see that little girl,
broken, beaten,
down, defeated.
Blue and black,
from a hit or smack.
No tear in sight,
no will to fight.
Which way is right?
I just want to forget,
this person I met.
So I drink and drink,
until I can't think.

Empty
What an empty word,
not the song of a bird,
nor a simple need heard.
Sometimes
I wish my head were empty.
Not a word,
nothing heard,
not a to-do list,
nor an appointment missed,
not a tear shed,
nor anxiety fed,
not a tissue used,
nor happiness abused,
empty.

Let me spin my web of lies,
I can show you my tongue flies,
I will catch these subtle cries,
without you ever thinking she pries.
You have accepted what everyone buys,
but you're wise,
one step ahead,
feeding me what I fed,
standing up while I am lead,
slyly "believing" what I have said,
killing after I'm dead.
But me, being just as smart,
saw the pattern on the chart,
I've always had you, from the start,
had you pinned under my dart,
thinking about me when apart,
though keeping me out of your heart.
But you snuck into mine,
thinking you'd be fine,
keeping me in line,
giving me a sign,
making my eyes shine.
Now secretly my vine,
starts to entwine.
Our love isn't the same,
at the end of this game,
we both get our fame,
we both get our shame.

Part from the beaten path,
free myself from this cheating wrath,
stand up out of this bleeding bath.
If I can change I can repeat,
I can change the plan of these tiring feet.
I want to look in the mirror and smile,
not have my problems end up at trial.
Part of me believes it will never be true,
I look at myself like there's a me and there's a you.
There is merely a ghost in this machine.

There's this hole I dug
It is not deep or shallow
You're not helping though.

That rush,
my heart pumping,
fear birthing excitement.
A needle
filled with dreams of bliss
complete relief for a slice of your life.
The taboo nature,
intentionally inflicting harm on oneself
paralleled by intentionally inflicting happiness on oneself.
A spoon,
a lighter,
a cotton swab.
So unsure of myself,
my heart rate accelerates,
my hair stands at attention,
the rubber haults circulation,
I search for a stream,
my brown medicine turns crimson,
the pressure of my thumb,
I remove the dam blocking my river and.
My eyes roll.
My body goes numb.
Seretonin overload.
I float back,
and fall into my bliss.
Hours of ecstasy.
I will always be a prisoner to
that rush.

If I do this I will never forgive myself if I'm wrong
you will break me,
emasculate me.
I will fall into the abyss
no one will miss.
So if I make this leap you won't regret it.
Don't make me regret it.

I'm not drinking
not tonight
I'm alright
it's really not a fight.
I mean did you invite me
just to spite me?
I only want a sip
put the bottle to my lip
refuel my ego trip
time passes
wine glasses.
Is that my cigarette lit
bathroom
floor
tears
fears
I don't have a problem.

What is a moral contract to some,
just another bottle of ***,
to make the mind go numb?
Childhood it comes from,
in the ear a small hum,
an underlying belief,
through seems brief,
can bring them grief.
Smoke that leaf,
become that thief.
You'll find yourself bound,
complexities compound,
happiness drowned,
no contract found,
no respect for moral ground.
You're a waste of a human,
male or woman.
You have nothing to live for,
think you can't give more,
but you have given no thing,
you had no thing to bring.
Every person has a moral contract for being alive,
if you don't follow it you're in for a wild drive,
a dive,
into purgatory,
but you know the story,
you won't be missed,
welcome death with a kiss.

What have you done to me,
a murderer is fun to be?
Will you use that gun you see,
put that bullet right through me?
Maybe a pistol isn't right for you,
maybe a knife with fight for few,
to see the crimson bright gore through,
you have ruined the white score new,
the anguish is obvious at the sight for you.
But pleasure meant so much more,
than the gentle touch of a *****.
That's what made you think,
it makes me shrink,
makes me drink,
I'm at the brink,
I'm the missing link.
Load your gun,
you think you've won.
Grab your knife,
and take my life.
In the end,
its you my friend,
that ceases to wake.

You whisk on by
leaving behind
me to rewind.
You're no one.
You exist
as a pacifist.
But instead of not fighting
you continue slighting
those in need,
you mislead.
I freeze in my car
is that reprieve from afar
but no
my limbs go numb
my ears go thrumb
you leave me to die
you are no friend of mine.

The silence of the nightfall is upon the world.
Not a single car,
nor a single horn.
Not a door shutting,
nor a garage opening.
Not a dog barking to get let in,
nor a cricket yelling "I'm awake".
A sudden break in the continuum--
metal twisted,
bones broken,
a last breath,
a scream,
followed by more.
A perfect concoction of
liquor, youth, and stupidity.
I look upon you now,
several emotions flash;
depression,
disappointment,
pity,
anger,
guilt,
but the only thought I have is,
it could
       have been
                        me.

Your touch tingles,
your eyes pierce.
They show everything,
your face is a painting of your life.
Every minuscule movement,
right down to the blink of your eye,
reveals your soul.
Your voice is engrained,
forever burned into my skull.
I close my eyes and dream of you.
That feeling i have,
that one that only reveals itself when I look you in the eyes
it kills me....
I know one day it may ruin me.
It possesses the power I know.

This beaming black diamond,
Frightened,
Drifts unbroken.
This fantasy fractured,
In this ally astray.
Microscopic symmetry,
Seen by scores,
Distinguished by competent lenses.
Desired by many,
Longed for by most.
Beside a fear of envy,
She walks with an encompassing allure,
Sullen shadows stabbing,
Somber self-reproach.
Seize it,
But not without conviction.
Cherish it,
Before its consumed.

Ever wonder why
my silence reveals nothing?
It reveals nothing.

Look at these people,
they think they are free,
can't they see,
there is a fee
to be "me" or "we".
Turn on your TV
tell me what you see.
Does anyone care what you think;
does your opinion make a difference?
Are you naive enough to believe an untold truth?
Will you follow in my footprints of proof?
If you answer is yes,
let me guess,
you have empirical knowhow;
you've never picked up a book;
you ain't guna start now.
I want you to seek out false propaganda,
take that man off his soap box.
Find the tape;
cut out the ***** in which the lies lie,
the flies fly,
the ties tie,
the dying die.
I ask too much of the world,
expect intelligence
and only receive disappointment.
Where is the need for knowledge?

Who's that girl
it cannot be me.
Does she want to be set free?
Maybe.
She used to come around often,
then hid in the blue moon.
Actualizing anarchy
Rain down depression
Monsoon
Not a confession
Utter confusion
Living this illusion
Dealing with this delusion.
She comes out to visit
illicit,
explicit.
Bottle of wine,
a wink,
a sign,
a drink,
not mine.
She isn't me,
that's my claim,
she isn't me,
she's to blame.

The faint wind whispers.
You must close your mouth to hear,
The Book His heart holds.

I can feel the evil creeping
save the light for safekeeping
And if I fall tonight
it'll be quite the plight
The road ahead
I've been misled
I want to cease
my mind at peace.
But until the present is my reality
darkness is my fatality.

Kiss away my thoughts,
bury my past,
at last.
Relieve me of this curse
before it gets worse,
I won't be here to beg and plead
when I'm left here to bleed.
Please, I just want to be freed.
Give me peace,
let these voices cease.
Let me be
let me be me.
I'm just scared
and alone.
I don't know how to care.
Teach me,
reach me,
Please,
please.

A drop,
then another.
Where does it originate?
at the midst of my breath intake.
The multiple storms that have passed,
and massed,
and cast,
into the depths of oblivion,
though it was not my vision.
For these dark days
where in dark ways
my dark frays
the dark greys
fade to black.
But, lifted with white,
candy for the adult mind.
Powdered power,
lifts me above the depths,
wanting to be kept.
Initial intensity dies,
mom cries,
mind fries,
mine eyes.
My lies,
it will never end.
So blood drop,
and white sniff,
until the last beat,
and I go stiff.

It's a vibrancy in the air,
a smoldering stare,
a current through my frame,
something I cannot explain,
something I cannot contain,
a moan escapes my lips.
My ability to disagree slips.
A mist on my figure,
the body of a sinner.
His fingers' on the trigger.
Shoot me!
I'll lay here in peace,
enough of the tease,
press release.

Remember,
above all else,
I will love you.

When oral acid sprays
and blackened eyes gaze,
I will love you.

When my blood boils
and my charity spoils,
I will love you.

When deadly darkness descends,
apocalyptic amends
sitting in silence,
my arms will be open;
willing to love the unwilling,
willing to fill the unfulfilling,
because,
I love you.

Remember,
above all else,
I will love you.

For him, it's his eyes,
he peers through me,
Not in the sense of invisibility,
but rather the opposite.
Blue eyes prominent.
Dissecting my every microexpression,
each new sentiment doesn't happen without being perceived.
Who am I when he isn't looking?
I know he knows.
I don't try to hide anything.
His icy eyes will break my lies
each and every time.

But for you, it's your touch.
You caress my back - my spine quivers,
a kiss is thrilling,
holding hands, a promise.
Your fingers touch my cheek
it makes me freeze.
The very thought of your skin against mine
sends me spiraling,
a slave to my own deadly sin.
the gravity of addiction is stronger than I.
Don't let me get too close.
I haven't dropped an addiction yet,
you will not mark the first.

A touch,
it only takes one,
my mind comes undone.
I want only what I see,
set me free,
you hear my plea.
Your hands wander,
no time to ponder.
Essential satisfaction,
enact a chain reaction
in this disgracing interaction.
I'm buried beneath.
Thoughts break.
Body ache.
I shake.
Cessation.
Sensation.
Fixation.
No one gets to see this side of you,
the only one that's tried and true.

You lower your head.
Consciousness slips to darkness
then you dissipate.

A touch,
a tender kiss,
the feel of his breath
on the back of your neck.
The trace of his fingers
caressing your abdomen,
innocent yet intentional.
An embrace that screams,
"You're independent
but I will be here when you need me."
A look,
confused and complicated,
as she doubts going any further.

Time flies by
when you're having fun.
Time is life, so don't waste it
because you only have one.

But is life without fun
a life that's a waste?
Very boring and lazy,
nothing done with haste.

If life is fun,
then you are living it up.
things are always bright,
like a half-filled cup.

But then life, it goes by so fast,
passing in a blur,
always laughing and happy,
life whizzes and whirs.

Different people believe in different things,
it often depends on what a single life will bring.

So what will it be?
excitement or not?
lazy before death?
or give it all you got?

Curse this verse,
**** this rhyme.
I don't need it to disincline,
I'll define.
It's an allegory of the defamatory.
I encompassed what some name prosperity
but he required me walking with circularity
apparently
what I'm supposed to see
that's because it's not meant to be?
I mean look what you took from me
both material and intangible
it's the imperceptible that are influential
instrumental to a healthy mentality
monumental to stealthy insanity.
Have I lost my mind?
Is only trust declined?
Plant C4 inside my heart to implode my emotions!
You control my conscious
it's overbearing.
My walls rupture.
They said heartbreak would corrupt her
and this black misery consumes me,
annihilation save the tears.
Here lies the epitome of all her fears
stuck in a hole you dug
******* drug
******* love.