That's when it started,
made me black hearted.
I drank.
First malt liquor,
I could make it disappear quicker.
Then I started to go thicker,
with a drink a bit richer,
a mixer.
***** with anything,
half a fifth or half a gallon,
it didn't matter,
didn't matter if I got madder,
or sadder,
as my wall shatters.
Fill it,
spill it,
will it,
chill it,
**** it,
keep it down,
without a sound.
No one can see that little girl,
broken, beaten,
down, defeated.
Blue and black,
from a hit or smack.
No tear in sight,
no will to fight.
Which way is right?
I just want to forget,
this person I met.
So I drink and drink,
until I can't think.

A drop,
then another.
Where does it originate?
at the midst of my breath intake.
The multiple storms that have passed,
and massed,
and cast,
into the depths of oblivion,
though it was not my vision.
For these dark days
where in dark ways
my dark frays
the dark greys
fade to black.
But, lifted with white,
candy for the adult mind.
Powdered power,
lifts me above the depths,
wanting to be kept.
Initial intensity dies,
mom cries,
mind fries,
mine eyes.
My lies,
it will never end.
So blood drop,
and white sniff,
until the last beat,
and I go stiff.

A breath,
all in the room exhale.
The lights are bright,
but I've overcome my first mountain.
I followed the light.
I left my comfort.
I am here.

A breath,
then another,
quickly another,
after a night invested in lust.
Universal emotions overwhelming.
I love you.
I am here.

A breath,
entrapped within tears.
Darkness overcomes for months;
I understand the complexity of loneliness.
Happiness will not become of me again.
Trying to decide, why
I am here.

A breath
deep, drawn out.
My nerves frayed.
The questions infinite, challenging.
A strong handshake,
a salary.
I am here.

A breath,
caused by beauty.
Not aesthetic beauty, but beauty of love.
He gasps at the sight.
The one at the alter,
and the one holding my arm.
I am here.

A breath,
this time it is not mine.
Although through the tears and pain,
my breath is loudest.
Five fingers embrace one of mine,
a small squeeze that reassures, Mommy,
I am here.

A breath,
used to tell them I love them.
I am off to a new world.
My chest rises and falls one last time,
fear does not reside beside me.
I am here.

Your eyes,
they reveal your soul.
I don't know if you think you're hiding,
but like the child behind the pole,
I can see everything.

You wanna ****,
create scars with the intention of pleasure.
And most times,
I crave it.
But my soul,
my heart,
my mind;
they desire the opposite.
Your tender lips on my forehead,
and your fingers entwined with mine.
Your arms protecting me from myself because you know I don't need protection from the world.
As sweat flows up and down our bodies
and drips to the satin below,
my breath grabs and catches.
A single tear,
the emotion all summed up in one last ******.
The after glow of your skin,
the beauty you wear,
the smile that changes you.

Compounded complexity
flexible freedom.
This world we live in...
hold your tongue
let me speak
let me creep
on our country's beliefs.
Ideologies invented by power,
to tell us when to cower,
when to talk
how to walk.
I have a mouth I refuse to shut
My words can be daggers
confident in consequence,
and hence,
I write these rhymes
to challenge your mind.
Look at your empty beliefs
in policies with no relief.
They seize your right
to fight,
stand up and be proud of who you've become.
Who are they to judge
when they smudge equality
and slash justice,
twist the meaning.
The poor stay poor
the rich get richer.
Kids grow up in the gutters
and the government mutters,
"we tried our best,
done all we can."
When the money is spent
in genocide
of those on "the other side"
unaware civilians
mass ****** is our forte
across the ocean
or in our streets,
But you aren't exempt,
blame yourself,
stand up and scream.
I want to put the fight in your eyes,
take off your mask of false certainties.
You think you know how this world works
instead you should step back
and see what you're worth.