Exotic, something so different.
Cultured and so gentle.
Yet it is fiery and passionate.

The twang of a guitar on a summer night.
The heat is warm and welcome.
A perfume of the flowers.

The swaying of bodies in the rhythm
Of the night. Owning the very air.
Mi Amor.

The pavement whispers of mysteries and,
Hidden beneath them are the footsteps of gypsies.
Building to a crescendo.

Every heart beats in tempo,
To life’s energy. That blooms
And lives as a Spanish rose.

Drip, Drop, Drip, Drop,
Day old coffee sittin’ in the ***;
Dust blows by the windows.

No one around, not a sound.
For bugs, rotting food and flesh.
A stink unbearable.

Accidently released.
With panic and fear we all disappear.
A new pandemic.

Why do you do it?
Is it for that small rush?
The feeling of adrenaline speeding
Through your veins.
You hope you won’t get caught.
The sudden happiness that
Fills you after your companion believes you.
They fall into your intricately woven web.
You’ve set a death trap.
Some people will investigate,
Hoping to find truth.
They will pull on that first lie,
And all the rest will follow.
It begins to fall apart.
Your lies hang around your neck tightly.
Your personal noose.
Now you’re all alone, buried in darkness.
Labeled.

Wait, Can you find me?

My heart is signaling,  
dot dot dash dot  
dot dot  
dash dot
dash dot dot  
dash dash
dot
“Find Me” is what its saying.

Long have I been waiting.
When will I be able to gaze into your eyes?
People have told me to be patient,
You’ll find me in time.  
Can you find me?
How will you know that it’s my signal that has been
Calling you all along?
Will my heart find the solace it needs?

I know you’ll find me,
Because I’m waiting.

I’ve said it once, that for the life of me,
I’ll walk.
I’ll walk to the bedroom door, turn, Adieu.
I’ll walk down the stairs, my shadow following close behind.
I’ll walk out the back door, a fresh breeze brushing past me.

With each step, I find aching pain.
My knees, my back, my hips, my feet.
Determination and motivation, fading away.
I pant and wheeze, my body sluggishly moving.
No hope for me.

I’ll walk in the back door, failure melting off me in waves.
I’ll walk up the stairs, my shadow ashamed and long gone.
I’ll walk to the bedroom door, open it, Bonjour.  
I say now, that for the life of me,
I’ll walk again.

There is a point in everyone’s life,
Where they reach the bottom.
It feels like you’re drowning and no matter
Which way you swim you can never find up.
You curl on your side, waves of tears falling.
‘It’s the end’ you think. Bitter. Resentful.

Then you feel her kick. A tiny foot.
Placing your hand on your stomach,
You feel her squirming. She doesn’t know.
Or does she?

With each kick she is saying,
“Mama, don’t give up. Don’t
Let the world smother you.
Stand up and smile. I’ll be there
Soon and make everything right.”

You raise your head, and look
To the stars. In the face of it all,
There is one person who is counting
On you. Though your shoulders are heavy,
You walk forward. With each step you’ll
Feel lighter.
The joy will slowly warm your body.

You’re never alone, even in your darkest
Moments.
Cause with every kick she tells you,
“I love you.”
And with each step, the future is bright.

My hands tremble as I hold a glass plate.
With a shriek I hurl the plate at the wall,
Shards flying everywhere.
Anger and pain welling up inside, overflowing
As I throw anything within reach.
Tears leave trails on my face.
Breathing heavily I stare at the chaos I’ve created.
I sink to the floor.

I’ve tried. I’ve tried so hard.
I can’t live in denial anymore.
I can’t use excuses.
I can’t give in.
I wrap my arms around myself.
Fighting to keep from sinking into misery.
Fighting to stay human.

I stand in front of a mirror, naked and vulnerable.
Years of unhealthy choices, exposed.
The scale screams as I come closer, I step on.
It gasps out a number and I step off.
I’ve reached the point where I can’t ignore myself.
To make a change and see it through.
To be human again.

I put on yoga pants and a tank top.
Running shoes are laced up.
Music playing in my ears.
I step forward into my new life.