Can't explain that feeling, when we got that knock at the door
It's like my whole world just stopped, as i sat there on the floor
Something was trying to prepare me for what was about to come
But it really didn't matter, I just instantaneously felt so numb.

I wanted to be strong and I knew I could put on a straight face
But if only I could let everyone see how hard it was not to just break
It was just one thing that I knew I could never replace
I would go to sleep at night wishing that it was all just a mistake

When I was in my car alone, I would always just cry
But never when people were around me and I never knew why
I guess at first I was just so **** mad
I would think How could my sister just leave me & why couldn't I see it was so bad

Then I took a step back and thought about the conversations we had
She would tell me I don't want to be here anymore
I remember telling her Everything will be OK, just don't be so sad
I never thought she would actually do it, so it was something I just ignored.

Never once had I thought I would ever lose my sister this way
And the pain still resonates within me today
I guess cause there was so much I still wanted to say
Like how much I love her and how I still think back to those days

We shared so much growing up together
And we always had each other's back
I didn't matter whether we were fighting with each other
we were sisters through thick and thin; white or black

So you see there is no gray area between us
For you will forever be the yin to my yang
So that brings to this point now to discuss;

How wonderful my big sister was to me
And she will forever be apart of me
Though she is gone, I will forever remember
All the days we just played and laughed together

Those memories so near and dear to my heart
will forever be etched deep inside like a scar
Even though I still feel this pain from being apart
I will always carry a part of you with me, no matter where we are.

As i sit and contemplate what my next move should be,
I start to wonder what is to come of me,
Whether i decide to do the first thing or the last on my list,
Will my decision i make effect how the ones around me exist

As i do love this world and everything it offers,
From time to time i start to wonder,
I wonder if my life is written by an author,
To experience all this in such short time is such a great plunder,

Although at times it may seem very dark,
I know what is in store for me must be worth this pain,
Even though the situation right now might be very stark,
I just remind myself of what they say,
"You cannot have a rainbow without a little rain"