My mama said its just a phase
I just wanna get you high
Look at the bright lights
Pop a pill now I'm zoning
in the sky make you fly
sip slow on that poison
not sure where I'm goin
I'm dialated
the popo keeps starin at us
the locals keep glarin at us
these beans keep me near sighted
that *** got me so excited
I bite the bullet
I keep the rifle close
I got the spins
but I got to fight it
but I think I'm losin my mind
but it could be worse
I'm sure that I'm fine
as I check the time
I cant remember the night
I pay the price of giving my life
flying up high
and they all around me
**** *******, some bomb *** ****
mixin up my potion
marijuana stay potent
pop a pill now im zoning
I'm zoning, zoning

there are cut lines of powder
on a mirror on my desk
and I am doing my best
not to think of what you would say
if you knew
there are eight reasons
in my gut
for why I am failing
and I am railing
so hard against myself
that all you see is me
keeping busy
I am offering my palm
to the sun each morning
giving my green thumb to the plants
on my window sill
layering my face with aloe leaves
you might find it hard to believe
what I do
on a tuesday night

my heart is beating quicker than it’s supposed to
and I don’t think I can stay in the same room as
you without falling from my skin
and I’m falling falling
and my heart just hit the ground and the rest of me
is spilling out
and this was supposed to be a poem about love
and the way you make me feel like I’m wrapped in
outer space, warm under a blanket of stars, like
I’m safe
but I’m burning alive and stars aren’t as pretty
when they’re hot in your throat
and you loved me you loved me last night but that
was 16 hours ago and 16 hours doesn’t seem like
enough time to fall out of love
but it is
and 16 hours doesn’t seem like enough time to
fix yourself
because it’s not
so I think I’ll stay here in the dark for awhile
because the sky is pitch-black without the stars
and we fell asleep in love
and I’m the only one who woke up
and I’ve been shaking you
and you won’t hold my hand like I need you to
and I miss you
I miss you
and I bet that when she kisses you
she can’t taste the little cracks in your
chest or the reasons you won’t call your
father back
like I do
I ******* do
and I see the entire world in you
and all you see in me is a black hole
and you used to like the way I laughed
and the way I tuck my hair behind my
ear when I’m nervous
but that was 16 hours ago
and apparently 16 hours is enough time
to fall out of love”

Tell me how we got here
Tell me that you still care
I know you don't
But I just try to front like nothings wrong
Did it hurt when you held me?
Is that why you stay away?
I could say it but you won't believe me
You say you do, but you don't deceive me
Is my skin covered in thorns
Broken, ripped and torn
Your skin must be worn off
Awake but its like a lucid dream
I might be trippin but my mama don't know
I'm dilated see the evidence
The popo's keep starin at us
Locals glarin at us
I'll bite the bullet, kiss the rifle
Sip the poison like this
Drug dealers wanna be my friend
But I'm not here to pretend
Mix up that potion
Pop a pill and I'm rollin
Nightmares at midnight
I don't know where I'm goin

So maybe you’re running scared without the running.
there are hands on your thighs that tell you
every place i touch is a home to me.
and you feel lucky that somebody finally thinks that
you’re worthy of being a roof to them.
and you know what it’s like to move from place to place,
from group to group, from person to person,
looking for a place where your heart and stomach doesn’t
look too big or too small for the people around you.
I’ll let you in on a secret:
your heart will always be the same size.
instead of finding the perfect sized hands to fit it into,
find a pair that will wrap its fingers around you,
find a pair that will stretch its bones to breaking point
because it can’t bear the thought of leaving you vulnerable—
because it knows you will always be a home, whether you
have a roof to offer or not

part of me wants to die.
part of me wants to shred my
skin to pieces, and bleed out
all my sorrows.

part of me wants to cry
and scream, and
force everyone to listen.

part of me wants to
keep on trying, and
to never give up.

all of me wants to
just be okay again.

**** the money, cause I'd rather call out like Cobain
With a bullet through my temple,
now I got no brains
Like **** em' and **** the world,
you can have it dawg
Y'all ain't no better, I ain't mad at y'all
Cause I'd rather be buried in my grave
Than live life like a slave
Trying to escape these green demons
No where to run, no friends
Just fiends
And by all means
Just let me be, to yell and scream
******* get away from me
Pushing everyone away
is what I do best
no future
edit this later wassuup