When my desires fail
when my wishes end in vain
I, a human, my soul feel pain
then, my heart is broken, I wail
My eyes are like perennial rivers
it doesn't matter the seasonal change
Flows continuously, as it has no range
I feel so lonely, in the world of tears

It's the feeling, where my mind topples
where my capillaries collapse
my limbs, my lips, my muscles
shiver in fear, vibrate in pain
A stone covers my vocal cord, my voice
Who can control my body organs, even I can't!
My sense organs are in a frozen state
My eyes flow still, without any evaporation

Life always deflects in different directions
My parents console me, relatives scold me
life is a trap from where we can't flee
cycle of life keeps rolling, inactivating our actions
OH! My Almighty, how terrible this pain is?
Who has the strength to hold my broken heart?
Who can give me the healing art?
Say me.....How can I escape from this?

Fires ablaze within my eyes,
A smile concealing all my lies,
Screaming, begging, calling out,
A final, frantic, desperate, shout.

Scarlet tears drip from each vein,
A vehement covet to end this pain,
This silver blade, stays by my side,
Because all hope inside has died.

As each day ends, and darkness draws,
The devil toys, with all my flaws,
I'm helpless, alone, a worthless mess,
A broken child, he must address.

I'm tempted when he calls my name,
A way out, an escape, an end to shame,
To make it feel a lot less real,
A deal with the Devil, in blood must I seal.

They'll say I died of suicide,
But no one knows how much they've lied,
It wasn't a rope, a blade, or pills,
That broke my soul, and gave me chills.

I died inside so long before,
To live each day, an endless chore,
Pills could not **** what was already dead,
A twisted soul, an empty head.

In darkness I wait, in silence, alone,
Rose-tinted nostalgia, all around me has grown,
I beckon the devil, with the key of self-harm,
And I open the door for him, with the blood of my arm.

If tonight I die,

Who will cry?

Strangers with their feigned interest,

While those I love have turned away.

And if my best isn't good enough,

What more can I give?

Go ahead--walk away.

Just leave me here alone.

And if tonight I die,

Who will cry?

All my strength is drained,

With nothing left to give.

Drowning in the depths of sorrow,

No tears left to cry.

A silent voice and distant eyes

That no one hears or sees.

And if tonight I die,

Who will cry?

Til she cries no more
One day those tears
Will be wiped away
Her purity violated
Left desperate and exhausted
She will cry no more
Her anguish will be felt
Through her silence
Her pain will be in the absence of any words
She will refuse to be hurt anymore
For she has cried her last tear
And will not be subjected to the torment
Of abuse that you give her
Till she cried no more.

Open eyes soon shut again
Only to live out a dream
Some of the visions are lovely
Some of them cause you to scream

A vision I hold in my mind
A vision of just what may be
I pray to the Lord up above
That the vision does not come to be

I see myself huddled and crying
I see crimson that stains where I lay
I see my life bleeding before me
Please take this vision away

Come now to me the goodness
I know in my life it is there
But just how long should I suffer
Will the pain forever be there

Answers to questions not answered
So onward I slowly must trod
Would it be easier to give up
And lay down into the sod

Yes it would make some things better
Yes I would worry no more
But I know that there is a reason
That God allows me to feel pain evermore

In my shyness . . .
At times I retreat to my "shell,"
Clinging to the security of being alone.

In my shyness . . .
I may attempt to merge with my surroundings--
To be ignored, unnoticed, a silent voice rarely heard.

In my shyness . . .
I can feel completely alone,
Although surrounded by people.

In my shyness . . .
I'm perceived as having a padlocked soul--
And few try to gain entry into my realm.

In my shyness . . .
Few will dare venture to really know me--
To hear my quiet voice or to really try to understand.

In my shyness . . .
I can have a myriad of words to say,
Yet, my sealed lips will not release them.

In my shyness . . .
The words I do speak will at times be jumbled,
And I'll feel worse for having spoken them.

In my shyness . . .
I will be viewed as "stuck up" and unfriendly,
Labeled by the presumption of a troubled past.

Yet, despite my shyness . . .
I will at times emerge from my "shell,"
And you may catch a glimpse of who I am.

And despite my shyness . . .
I may put on a good "front,"
Disguising my innermost insecurities.

Despite my shyness . . .
A select few will manage to penetrate these "walls,"
With the sharing of time and the evolving of trust.

My shyness . . .
Frequently unrecognized, seldom understood--
A shackle, a haven, a veil.

I help you through hard times, as you do I
But you really don’t know how much I hide
Even though we are the best of friends
I really don’t think you can understand
I can’t bear the hurt, I can’t stand the pain
A feeling of numbness I can’t explain.

This is a life in which I walk alone
Full of hope shattered and broken
Always angry for no reason at all
Constantly wanting to end this brawl
Fighting with myself again, and again,
Sometimes I want this life to end

Mom’s depressed but chooses to hide
Takes out her anger on those by her side
Doesn’t understand I try to help
She shuns me out, and hates instead

Grandma’s enduring an unstoppable fate
sickness has gotten her on the plate
Its sad to see such an innocent person
Become another cancer victim

Too many friends are hurt as well
Thinking that their life is hell
Too many friends wanting to stop
Thinking suicide is the only option

But inside me is the worst of all
I don’t know how long I can stand tall
Memories of happiness are shooed away
But horrible twisted thoughts to stay

Nothing I do can make her proud
There’s no silver lining on her clouds
I’m a rainstorm filled with dark black skies
And a haunting rainfall full of lies
I only wish I could make her see
I’m trying hard so I can be
Someone she that can trust and love
Instead she tells me I’m not good enough
Everything I do is a wrong decision
She constantly tells me I’m not living
The path that she truly wishes I’d take
But I’m only one big mistake
If I could I’d erase myself from here
I wouldn’t have to live this fear

I also wish I could be skinny
And always happy, fun, and pretty
Instead I look at myself in the mirror
Disappointed in the reflection that appears
It’s hard to live when you don’t love who you are
Wishing that you could change it all

Every day I make a mental note
How much would I miss, if I decide to go
And how much hurt makes me lean towards the edge
Is slowly creeping up the hedge
How much longer can I last?
Before my life becomes one of the past