I have been lost,
lost for years.
Observing the great expanse I once called home.
I perceive the old parts of my life that once brought me happiness.
It is as if I am seeing them from afar,
as if I am in a box that has been locked away,
with only a keyhole to peer through.
My life passes me by as if it had never even happened.
Slowly, I am piecing myself together.
Taking myself out of the box I have been confined to.
I am beginning to see what I once saw,
the color, happiness, and emotions that swirled in the air.
That brought meaning to my life,
but all it takes is someone,
just a single person to put me back where I feel as if I belong.
I will never get a chance to return to the world,
Back in that awful box.
As I will always,
be aimlessly observing my life from the box.

It all strikes at once,
All the horribleness of life comes at you at once.
It feels like an onslaught of pain and humiliation,
Lacerating your body,
and leaving a permanent, gaping wound.
You can't help but ask yourself,
When does it end?
Or even worse,
Will it end?
Life just feels like a spiral staircase only leading downwards.
And every few steps you lose your balance,
and fall down even further.
It leads to a place unbeknownst to man,
as all who enter,
can never find a way back.
Everyone says,
It will get better,
just wait.
But they are all liars,
or in denial,
of the spiral staircase taking us all into the ******* nowhere.

They are everywhere
Leading a life with a facade of kindness.
So you will trust them,
so you will reach out to them and befriend them.
Because you are naive and too kind.
Then you find out they lied,
they have betrayed you.
They take what you thought you were,
made you question your morals,
and completely crush them and throw them to the ground.
Then you see their true colors,
painted so perfectly clear.
The anger giving off a red screen giving their black,
dark souls an eerie glow.
You are left to move on with the fragments that they left behind.
While they are to move on with their disgusting lives,
tormenting others.
Because no matter how many times you say it,
or how many times you try to get it across to them,
they will continue to torment other people.
And eventually, all you can hope for is their way of going through life will end in them being alone,
and wallow in their miserable,
hate-driven existence.

Death
Death awaits us all.
Our lives are all a means to an end,
and there is nothing to prevent it.
There are methods to put it at bay,
but still, it comes for us all.
It can be ******,
and malicious.
Or death can take pity,
and the end will be swift,
but final.
We are all different,
but we all have the same end.

I have learned not to trust people.
they all have skeletons in their closets.
Some are not as big as others,
But the people who have big skeletons,
those people are the ones that betray your trust.
Betrayal leads to mistrust,
and mistrust leads to isolation.
Soon enough,
you are just sitting in your room in silence wanting to scream at yourself.
Why did I trust you!
How could I not see that you were going to use me!
You then just sit there,
with tears streaming down your face.
Left to only yourself.
And your thoughts to torment you.
After a long time,
this gets to be too much.
And you start to feel as if you truly are losing your mind.
But the worst thing is,
those who betrayed you,
just go about their daily lives not knowing
or caring,
about what they did to you.

I am different, separated from the people I love.
I am abnormal, but I am normal as well.
Every waking hour there are people who expect me to be someone I am not.
I don't need to be put in a box, and I certainly don't need to be living a lie.
I am on a different wavelength, one that is completely silent.
I just want to belong somewhere I know will never exist.
Not a place of dreams and castles, but a place where I feel like I want to and do belong.
Someone who understands my predicament must be out there somewhere.
I want, no I need someone to mend the parts of me that have shattered from the crushing loneliness.
I am a person,
in a broken body,
the definition of helpless.
It's no wonder everyone shuts me out,
If I could,
I would too.

The numbness that encloses my body like a coffin,
it makes me feel like I have been buried alive.
I know that I should feel angry,
or stressed,
or really anything.
But I don't.
The emotions I once felt,
once came in such a large wave.
It crushed me.
I have built a dam around my emotions.
That is guarded like a fortress,
because even to feel anything,
is too big of a risk.
My thoughts and my actions
are slaves to my emotions.
If that dam surrounding my personal Pandora's Box
were to chip and fall down,
I would cease to be the person I would like everyone to see.
So I talk and act like I am okay,
I put on a mask that repels any questions.
And yet I don't feel like me.
I feel like a robot that has taken my place.
But I don't want to act like I was programmed,
following the same command and actions as everyone else,
everyday,
For I am NOT a robot
I am human.