Four cold walls have trapped me,
I am stuck here even with the door wide open.
There is no safe, easy escape
There is no cure for the broken.

Drain my entire body of this aching,
Soothe my skin in the warmest water you can find.
You can replenish every inch of me,
And still not cure my mind.

My unstable conscious has been waiting for this very moment;
I am shutting down without any care.
No matter how many baby steps I proceed to take,
What I need to cure me just is not there.

My biggest fear is to lose any bit of the world I may have thus far.
But I have already lost myself.

My mind became a castle in the sky
Musing together events I know could never happen
Afloat in the ocean
A body of a much bigger form than my own
That of which I am not accustomed to coping against.
But, I manage
And I lay there, with no worry in the world
Of who I may be
Or who I may not
What I can solidly remember
And the pain I thought I forgot
The crisp severity of the ocean on the outers of my skin
A rivalry counteracting the heat my anger is ceaselessly producing
An effortless breath of cold air
And no endurance needed to fight against the current
My head being totally consumed by waves, in intervals
But enough to refresh my inner cognition.

One deep inhale and I can feel you,
Just before I start to slowly fade under
And when I think this can't get any better,
I finally hear it; the thunder.
It's loud, and I've been waiting, and I am scared
But not worried enough to budge
The storm is growing strong above my physical, still body
And with the moving body below me that I want to love so much.

What I can't grasp fully, though, is the way I will not move
I know I am terrified of the consequences,
I'm already worrying
As I have been, this entire time
Time figures out that it's not my body that refuses to move
It is manipulated by my mind.

I am content.
As long as I stay in this opposing body
It reminds me of all of the things I do not have
Rather than the things I do and can't accept.

I am saddened, that my breaths were not voluntary
They were forced by the love I can not feel.
I know it's there, I know it's real.
Reminded by this ocean,
I am very much alive.

And although, inside, I may be broken and numb.
Sometimes, I can be fine.

Had I known I would come across
The Universe in the small space between our lips
Before you close your eyes to kiss me

You loved me enough to lose my mind
At your weakest point, I suddenly loved you more

It's the last day on Earth
The fleeting time here is just a concept
And I will live every last moment
Loving you, as I always do

One shot down an empty stomach.
The first disappointment of the night I am about to begin
in attempt to keep you away.
The ever-growing crowd around me is louder
with each fleeting, blurry moment.
But ever so quiet when my mind can't hear anything
other than
"I love you,
I will never leave you."

Second shot down an empty stomach.
A question at whether this is a race against myself (or others,
joining in on this heartbreak habit),
or if it's becoming a routine.
Each breath, getting more difficult than the last
to swallow and digest;
When my breaths were already cut in half when you left.

Third shot down an empty stomach.
I am not much of a drinker, usually, but tonight I have decided
that I shall be. I can be anything I want tonight.
My chronic numbness starts to stir about as I feel the crowd.
It's becoming deeper;
So many kind people around me (buying me shots, as my eagerness exceeds),
Or are they all just like you?

Fourth shot down an empty stomach.
Not at all am I used to this, but I needed something different;
to hold me over just for tonight.
I didn't need any of this to know there's something missing.

Fifth shot down an empty stomach.
I get up from the spinning room to use the bathroom.
Still, as I look into the mirror,
My face bore that of twelve-thousand land mines;
and my skin, paler than ever.
And I smile.

Sixth shot down an empty stomach.
I realize I am destroying myself even more so.
But it feels--it feels--like something,
which is enough for me, for tonight,
Just to pull through.

Seventh shot down an empty stomach.
"I think you should take it easy now, sweetheart,"
An old man I barely knew.
"I can tell you're hurting, but this isn't the way. It isn't.
Being like this won't help you out of that prison."

I walk myself home.
I lay in bed and remember the time I walked into the bar,
with an empty stomach, enjoying it.
It wasn't my initial choice to leave,
but yours, was.

And I remember that even harder with seven shots
down a two month-long empty stomached, 91 pound,
broken soul.

And I still remember your face when you loved me so.

Circles of the sun
If only we spoke in the language
Of shapes and colors
Maybe then
We would speak of love
Like it were endearing

We choose to see love as an
emotion
Words are all we have to express with
But love shapes us all
Change your perception,
Send love in all directions,

Watch the world take a new form.

I don’t know quite how you will take this so I’ll hold my heart out for you

Or write it out in such vague words;

I can’t look at you without wondering how you don’t notice just how perfect you are

The slightest touch from you makes my heart ******* fly

I’d do anything to get close to you

I know myself enough to know I’ll never have the courage to tell you

That you mean more to me than just a face,

than just a friend I value more than anything

Please understand I am better when I am with you

I don’t think about how broken I am

In fact,

I feel quite together.