oh how misleading time can be
never to bring out ones good
because evil in you is all I can see

retracing these steps will get you nowhere
but journeys like this are pointless
we should just turn around and head back there
then I'll be a hypocrite
and I refuse to be you

complications like this simplify reality
because we're ready for what's next
we can turn our lives into a story

you told me I'd never be satisfied with that life
as if you remember
it's way too easy for me
thanks to you I'll never be content
thanks to you I can't be happy

I have to fix this problem now
with time never on my side
it's getting worse against my vow
I'll listen to the clock tick
as I watch you smoke a cigarette
and I think "oh what a hypocrite"

I'm running out of time before you run away
too bad I've gone insane
it makes our state seem so inane

just repudiate me like before
crawl up in the garbage you call a lifestyle
and don't get mad because you're pushing me away even more

I consider it more as time goes by
that you can never be helped
you are draining me of my life
I accept that you won't be fine
my last days won't be spent on you
and that only kills me in sooner time

I sit here watching people rip themselves apart
is this quite horrible?
I'd like to view it as an art
  
it's beautiful to watch but terrible to see
I'm at a loss for words
and your engulfed in misery
  
everyone is silently breaking down
"does this group include me?"
I ask while disintegrating into the ground
  
just cry it out my dear
you're growing
his face, those hearts, your fear
  
my pessimistic outlook must end
I'm ruining myself and everyone
so I'll type this message and never press send
  
"goodbye, my love,
goodbye"

I will never be enough for you
fulfulling your expectations is just something I cannot do
and it feels like I'm drowning as the walls close in
you can't understand so I won't begin
I'm so sick of being hated
or not being good enough as previously stated
let me know when I'm at least alright
even though I don't believe you're worth the fight

I have never felt as great of a defeat
than when I was singing this in the street
and I have never felt a more desolate state
than when I had to leave but was told to wait

so to hell with everyone in this God-forsaken town
I'll laugh at the ashes of the charred ******* I'm around
I swear before they put me in the ground
I will swim through every ****** sound
I will climb the highest trees
and put you sorry ******* on your knees

if I still can't satisfy
then I'll sleep soundly knowing
I lived a lie

I have lost all sense of feeling
my feet cannot even brush the ground
the wind no longer sweeps across my face
all my pain is encased in a shell of numbness
harvesting

as my blood drips down my skin
I do no feel a thing

as these drugs are fermented inside my body
I stop trying

as my nails are dug into the flesh of another
I sense nothing

so I stare blankly
while these bones cry out around me
I am waiting
waiting for it all to be made known
contemplating how I shall try to break the shell next

but I am searching for answers in my mind
or the unending black hole known as such

my only emotion: lost
will I finally succeed before I **** myself?

well darling I'm so sorry that you had to see
the harsh way the world can be
the places one mistake will lead
forcing a mother to leave her son in need
but it's not his fault
no it couldn't be
  
and now that all this has been called to your attention
you can make sense out of the grim words I mention
your last bit of innocence is depleted
it's terrible because, poor boy, this is the last thing you needed
but it'll be okay
don't look so defeated
  
i'm telling you the world is something you should not loathe
and I know I can't talk, but honey please don't
you should learn not to dwell on the past
because everything can change with a simple crash
you can move on
this never lasts

where'd you go?
don't come home
because slowly I'm fading away
and I'd like to die if that's okay
I guess this was never really my thing
and love isn't really my thing
between all the words you never spoke
and all the words I never wrote
well we could make something beautiful
but anything aside from an argument's a miracle
I think you're better off gone
and I'd rather be alone
if I wrote you a hundred notes
and made you read every last one
well I don't think you'd get the hint
but you never knew what my words meant
I mean what's easy for you,
stepping on people to cross the room?
maybe it's best you stay away
you're a filthy rag atop a bouquet
there's no way I could possibly depict
all the pain you inflict
so I guess this isn't really your thing
and love was never really your thing
I'll just sleep off your departure
and awake with your memory a blur
would that lure you back dear?
long enough for me to yell "get out of here!"?
long enough to see my craze?
or are you forever lost in a phrase?

run away
run away again
I'll be alright alone on the street
again
your words are consuming my mind
your poetry is eating me alive
and you, you pity me
misinterpreted thoughts
but I was never easy
if it's any condolence to you
I cannot condemn you for anything
although an apology is long overdue

you didn't call
you didn't call again
I'll be content alone in my room
again
you have a rough touch
you say the world's in your hands
I won't understand
you made my dependency a point
so you could surrender
and the city lights could burn more than ever

go to sleep
go to sleep again
I'll be fine on the floor
again
"you were never a regret"
nicotine breath
you told me through a cigarette
nights haunting words
add to my guilt
and the fate of your bones
my veins made known
I cannot condemn you
it's too confused

I try to contemplate why
you don't try
I have done everything I could to be what you wanted
and you, you're not everything I wanted
in my head I list your flaws
oh I could go on and on
about everything you handle wrong
and by this I realize I proved right your theory on a lover
that people fall in love with an idea, not eachother

the shards of glass begin to fall
as I back into the wall
as inhumane as it may sound
I laugh histerically as the pieces hit the ground
and even though you're not concerned
I try to show you the skin I've burned
my fist will find a way to this mirror
every time I consider fear
suppose I even heard the crash
well this mirror was nothing but a piece of trash
I once thought I gave up hope
but now I consider that a vain joke
is it really all that wrong
that watching this I stay so calm?
but as the eerie chill runs down my spine
I realize that this mirror is mine
and ignorance was never bliss
when your fighting chance was what you missed
and now the pieces will not stay
except on the ground where they lay
by the time you realize this isn't a laughing matter
all my mirror would have shattered

if I ever considered myself a good actress
you put me to shame
your facade is undeniably more complex
weaving in and out of the lies you so horribly tell
I can't believe you even know of your own intentions
and while this is terribly blunt
there are more to these words I write
hidden meanings you would never bother to decipher
because my being is non-existant in your mind
knowing this, I'd rather be a nuisance
then at least I'd be in your brain
too bad you refuse to believe in our memories
can you even remember looking into my eyes?
it's doubtful; you're insincere
quit taking every gift for granted
your consideration is only intended for your grudges
your character shows through this play of yours
your charecter disgusts me
yet I'm attached
I'll look for the source and try to pry away
I make no promises of success
you destroy me

he took my life right out of my hands
remodeled my hopes, redesigned my plans
and I cannot resent him this
because that incompetence is something I will not miss
this rope is woven with intellect
I view it now as impossible to neglect
but with knowledge comes pain
and suddenly all he made me do was in vain
watching him walk away
I lose my position of being his clay
and I'm unable to model myself as I hoped
but with faked vanity I still grip this rope
I just want to understand
to have my apprehension expand
the world presents itself as so dark
that alone has left its mark
I need to weave in this rope myself
because he cast me to the emptiest corner in hell
all this that haunts my mind
the answers I delusively search to find
he only gave me a taste of this insight
and left me with a curiousity I refuse to fight
I need to find out more about me
maybe then I'll make him see
but no matter how many words I said
my modeler never figured out my head
the artist who couldn't make sense of his creation
this rope is here to destroy our relation
so he can move across the nation
and I'll sit here and try to perceive
all the things that drove him to leave

I see all of what you exposed me to
I built up that forged ignorance for years
What am I now to do?
You divulged all those fears
I thought I was happy
I thought I could be them
You changed everything I see
So hell is where I stand
It's your fault
You left me in this broken state
Everything I thought
It's not all left up to fate
Congratulations on your destruction and pain
If I could still think of you when I listen to the rain patter
I would not speak your name
Because you ruined all that ever mattered

as deeply as this envious state crawls into my bloodstream
I could never desire the admiration you receive
because you are cherished only for your beauty
no person commends the light you shine oh so ever brightly
you're not appreciated for your aptitude
your dreams are disregarded among the souls of the ungracious
I pity you as you dwell in your permanence in the sky
forsaken is your very existance
you are doomed to that title for an eternity
so while you are worshipped by millions
it is a shallow approbation
and I would rather be loved by no one

oh she is abandoned in that field
dancing alone to an imaginary tune
waiting for the sun to set
so she can gaze at the moon

running through the tall grass
picking flowers to put in her hair
blissfully alone
she doesn't know I'm there

I can't seem to read her face
because her smile is a contrast to those big blue eyes
why is she hiding
when she doesn't notice my disguise?

staring blankly at the sun
finally she settles on a stone
her palms are scathed
and she believes she's on her own

she begs the relinquished cabin to hold still
so she can climb the walls
she sits contemplating existance
and hoping she doesn't fall

as time goes by I continue to watch
sickened, I reveal myself hastily
and deviantly she is not surprised
all along she's been my angel watching me