I think I meant to say I love you
but all that came out was you too
and we all know that too is a danger
and that you are as well

see, I'm not going anywhere
I'll hermit up with you
and we can make love in total silence
or die in complete agony

cause you know I love you so good
distraught and disarmed as I can be
a broken hammer and nails count to three
I think I meant to say I love you

three blue trucks with discolored passenger doors
three huge steps to kissing under floorboards
three slighted moves to embracing under street lights
three backwards motions to remembering our small fights

four eleven two thousand
and twelve

placing you on those
three shelves

I need things explained
like why cereals cut the roof of my mouth
why I bite my nails too low too often
why my dogs bark at 3 am
why I want a partner so badly
why I'm stuck on old memories
why I've let go of every friend I've had
why a letter has to equal a number
why my parents think it's best to leave me alone
why I suffer from such severe depression
why I can't stick to a routine
why I exist
but I do not live

don't **** other men
don't let them *******

don't love another man
but let that man love you

don't dream for another girl
don't let them dream you

don't smell the scent of another heartbreak
don't let that take you

I don't want to count
but I know you were probably my 12th relationship

I hate counting
but I think you were my 28th love interest

But thank you for the *******
because it all lines up with the 11
and 27 before

2 cups of orange juice, a blue popsicle
and my dad says he's turning the leftovers into dog food
maybe I should never have told him what my birth father has done
and my mom snaps at him, maybe she doesn't want to be reminded of her past
he says he's reminding himself of how cruel a man can be
and she says there is no reason to remind yourself of that
especially in front of our daughter

she doesn't like her eggs like that!
she steals the spatula from dad's hand and slices open the yolk dad had preserved
I hear my name being called from inside the kitchen every three and a half minutes
briana don't forget
briana you have to do this
take us to the airport tomorrow morning
we have to leave by 8:30 am
dad what do I do about my car
take it back he says
and he yells at me
and that's how I know I am home
so I disappear into my room to light up a joint I've been saving
he gets a question right on jeopardy
two commercial breaks later he tells me a story
about bejing
and that's how he knew the answer to that question
and I said okay
and he said isn't that weird that I can remember that
and I looked away and thought
no, because you have aspergers
honey, don't forget to take your digestive supplement
okay mom
ok