In my attempt to write you a song
I realized why you left me.
Can we both take a moment,
To light a ******* candle?
The turning of a door ****,
The stepping of your sandals.
Sacraments of the diary,
Trafficking of my pills.
If the word would keep my mouth,
And the blood flow from my heels.

Sickened by the thought of me,
You have yourself a drink.
You're not the girl in the mirror,
That girl doesnt blink.

If my hands could keep my side,
And your bones would keep its skin,
Your flesh would appear more alive,
And we would never end.

You've cut me down the middle,
You've taken the beating right out of my heart.
You've peeled the scabs and created scars,
You've given the world one less relationship.

And do you know what its like,
To feel for a person who no longer cares?
I can see his hand,
Running through your hairs.
I can see his lips,
Touch those lips that should be mine.
I can see him telling you he loves you,
A thousand times.

But he'll never love you like me,
I only wish i had another chance.

And do you know what its like,
To watch your girl laugh at another mans jokes?
Those smiles you exchange,
The laughter included.
Your hands on his knees,
And his whispers in your ear.
I can see his hand around your waist,
And your head laid against his shoulder.

But he'll never hold you like me,
You were my dreams.

And do you know what its like,
To cry over texts?
Texts you saved because they were special,
Texts that mean something only to you.
Words that were only thirty,
But seemed like a million.
And i can see his hands guide your shirt,
Until it drops to the floor.

But he'll never dream of just one night,
Of your breath in my lungs.
Like me.
Never.

-----------------------------------------------------­--------------------------------

And I can see the past we shared,
And a future we'll never have.

Smiles are fading like
A fire once watched.
And The room dies,
As detail becomes a lie.
A *****'s fragrance lingers,
But it's the dust that makes it hard to breathe.
Breathe is what she said to do,
But he could naught but smile.

You said you'd always be there,
You dared to call me yours.
You dared to hold me in your arms,
And now blood taints the floors.

Heads are dangling over
The railings emotionless and pale.
Pigments have shattered,
Leaving painted glass on the floor.
Shades of gray haunt the realm,
Establishing a harmonic depression.
Asmodeus left his mark,
And he has yet to return.

You had me hanging on a cliff,
All you had to do was pull.
Instead you pushed away,
Leaving me to fall like everyone else.

Stillness.
It stains the room.
But she makes her way,
She'll cross as she pleases.
Even the blood on the corner
Of their lips remain still.
But the girl in the red dress,
She walks the floor.
She grabs the rope.
She kicks the chair.

You lived the life no one wants.
You played us like a deck of cards.
But its your swinging corpse
That brought this room back to life.

------------------------------------------------------

If­ you cant handle love,
And you cant handle life,
How the **** could you handle ****?

I dug my way through those darkened tunnels,
No fears of what was in the dark.
Only what was following me.

I never knew,
Until it was over.
I'm so sorry,
The way it happened.
I let my anger get the best of me,
And now coyotes feast on undeserving flesh.
Because of me,
Because of her.

I'm sorry mother,
This isnt me.
Forgive me father,
For i've killed my own brother.

Its as if his begging wasnt good enough for me,
As if his soul leaped into my arms.
But it was so wrong,
I killed him with my own hands.
And his skull is a cloud,
Raining blood onto withering blades of grass.
Oh how it drips,
Oh how his heart keeps on pumping it out.

Dear,
Be ashamed.
Baby,
This is partially your fault.

And as i near the end of the tunnel,
My legs give out.
I stand on my knees,
Fingers digging away at this eerie guilt.
I think "I could peel all the skin off my body,
And lay here to rot".
But my own flesh is laying in a nearby field,
And its missing a home.

Sister,
Watch the sky for something brilliant.
Brother,
I'll see you soon.

--------------------------------------------------

Withou­t a proper dirt blanket,
How can you sleep forever peacefuly?

Shamefulness upon shamefulness,
I am a lonely fool.
For I have lost what I adore,
Because of my wicked self-indulgence.
Let me tell you,
I am not pure.
But with the experience of life,
Came the postponed gift of learning.
Suddenly a mind is clustered,
And a family left so sad.
For everything they have worked for,
Has become contorted and they,
Deranged.
Oh, how the loneliness creeps like water,
Trickling slowly through veins that cry out.
“Abuser!”
And so they shall quit,
Like all great things do.
But this will not fix all the damage bestowed,
Since forgiveness has been forgotten,
And the forgotten are not forgiven.

------------------------------------------------------­--------------------------

Billy Joel once stated “Only the good die young”. How true.

How long did my scent linger,
Before this man replaced it?
How many nights did you snub,
The truth before you faced it.
And can you say,
Without dismay,
I am the dream you’re chasing?
Before you try,
I’d like to cry,
For all the years I’ve wasted.

Ice cubes and pouring liquor send my nerves into a trance,
Candlelight and turkey dinner end a lovely little dance.
The night is still and we are young, let us have some fun,
I’ll drink you down and lay you down, until the music’s done.

Your heart is growing warmer,
His hands continue pacing.
Here I laid some time ago,
A memory quite ancient.
Before you say,
Without dismay,
That he’s the man you’re missing,
I’d like to know,
Before I go,
Were my dead lips worth kissing?

A waterfall oversees a bridge above a river.
Silly things may come to mind, when consuming too much liquor.
A rope hangs low, to meet the glow, reflection from the sun.
Its here I lay, asleep and drowned, after I’ve been hung.

----------------------------------------------------------­-------------------------------------------------

A heart is no video game, if you play it, you will lose.

Can you hear the tap, tap, tapping
Of my pale, gaunt fingers?
Yes, I am waiting.
And how my fingers do wander.
Just like the faucet,
Tap, tap, tap.
Echoing persistently,
Yes, I am waiting.
But my fingers will not.
They own this dark, lavender night.
Just like a stranger,
Tap, tap, tap.
Open the door,
Let him in.
Do not be afraid,
Because I am here.
Yes, I am waiting.
Yet I proceed to
Tap, tap, tap.

The night becomes still,
When the tapping is done.
The battle was lost,
The war has been one.
Eager are the hands of a killer,
And that of a machine,
One things for certain,
Fragile is the throat of a queen.

She crawls to me in
A nauseating manner.
Her fingernails dig themselves,
Inches deep into the carpet.
She smiles,
Awkwardly, prolonged,
By dynamic foam,
She giggles.
Her tongue leaps out,
Spelling my name in mid air.
Panting as a dog would,
She draws nearer.

And I worry about what may be going on,
In that deceitful, undead mind.
Horrid thoughts invite themselves in,
And make a home in my brain.
I say take a vacation,
They say, “We just got here”.

The veins on her forehead,
Protrude and glow.
She mocks me and screams,
With terrifying vibrato,
“Get away from me youuu,
You foul, freaky, fiend!”
So close now I can nearly,
Taste the vinegar on her breath.
So close I can hear her,
Scraggly hair detach from atop her head.

My heart continues to race the ticking,
The tick-tocking of my mothers clock.
My blood continues to boil,
So incredibly warm that I may *****.
That I may spew all that pumps my blood,
Onto this creatures path.

She picks up the pace,
And widens her moon-like eyes.
Murmuring under her,
Coldness and feebleness.
Her tongue continues,
To haunt my mind.
And she is so near now,
That I can taste the clamminess,
Of her skin,
Or what is left of it.

My heart stops.
She stops.
I take a deep breath,
She takes my hand.
I try to break away,
She breaks my fingers.
I scream.
She screams.

“Who are you?”
I simply ask.
“I am the outside world,”
She claims.
“And you have,
Every reason to fear me.”

-----------------------------------------------------------­-----------------------------------------------------------------­---------

Crazy people roam this earth, but I suppose it’s not their fault. It’s not their fault they do what they do without explanation. But you’ve got to wonder; What makes these people do such crazy *** things? I guess it takes a crazy person to understand crazy actions..

Tonight I shall weep and toss in my sleep,
My puppy dog eyes will shed.
My heart will sink low, my body will know,
That I may have lost my head.
My fingers will tremble, lips dissemble,
Blood flow boil and delay.
My throat will be closed, mucus from my nose,
Back bone dissolved to decay.

My feelings are such,
Since the world lost its touch..
Since the men of the world,
Forgot all the good girls.
When music did die,
I asked myself, “Why,
Should the world go on free,
Everyone but me?”

But fate is its own mind,
Perhaps, one of a kind.
Fate is a person, of course,
Like you and I.
And with Time it gets old,
I suppose you foretold.
That they shall both die,
And here I shall lie.

-----------------------------------------------------------­-------------------------------------------------------------

Ev­eryday the world requires new acts, whether they are heavenly acts, moderate acts, or evil, horrible, disgusting acts. It’s a shame the world knows only one of the three.

Do you know the feeling of losing a god given gift?
I don’t think so.
How often is something,  or someone heaven sent?
Never.

Excluding a fine June day,
My love was born.
An angel was heard crying,
And a mother showed care.
Ten and five years later,
She had looked into my eyes.
I looked back into hers,
Oh how the sky is lovely.
How I could see the horizon,
Far across a clear blue ocean.

And it wasn’t until she closed her eyes,
That a trickle of that ocean caught me by surprise.
Because it ran, and ran down her silver cheeks,
I never knew such gems could leak.

All that she had done for me,
All that she had given,
Had fell off her chin and onto the floor.
And her eyes lost that perfect complexion..

Her soft, ruddy, luscious lips,
Had paled to a gray.
She lowered her head,
And turned away.

So I watched as the glow of her honey tinted hair,
Faded to a storm cloud black.

I should never have hurt her,
Because now we are through.
I knew loving an angel,
Was too good to be true.


---------------------------------------------------------­-------------------------------

When life hands you an angel,  grab a hold of its wings and NEVER let go.

Why,

When i yell to the walls, do they only whisper back.

I've been preaching about white noise funerals,

And secrets about bleeding from the gums.


And i don't wanna change,

I wont change.


What,

Do i get for this, for damaging my body.

I only want to have some fun,

And a feel a little different.


Please just back the **** away

You smell like wasted time.


I cant stand your ******* face,

You're happy and in love.

I just want to sit in peace,

With angels hanged above.


Why,

I dont really want to die,

I only want a break.

With A forest growing in my mind,

I swear i'll set in on fire.


**** this house.

**** the air.

**** the skin,

I have to wear.

**** change,

And ******* too.

**** the knife,

I used on you.

**** your family,

**** your friends,

**** the beginning,

**** the end.

**** the drug scene,

**** your god,

**** just everything,

I want it gone.


---------------------------------------------------------­--


Don't criticize me for changing,

Change with me instead.

Enclosed in a small room,
Barely subconscious.
There's writing on the walls,
And the corner's filled with boxes.
The light is dim,
As i open up my eyes.
I'm like a ******* horse,
As these voices are the flies.

There's so many things wrong with me,
But without insanity,
Where would I be?
Open up the gates and let me on in,
I'm throwing everyone out,
And they wont come back again.

Muttering through a brick wall,
But their ears are silent.
I've been avoiding God's words,
As if hell wasn't silent.
The floor caved in,
And now i lay by the creek.
It opens at the mouth,
As if to speak.

Alone again,
and i cant see the light.
It is not my friend,
It left me without sight.

I cant help but throw down some lines,
About this sweet thing I cant get off my mind.
Because as we sit here, fingers entwined.
Her breath escapes her lungs into mine.
Suddenly I feel heartfelt, confused , and right,
Is this the life I’ll take tonight?
Lady whose fingers are lovely and white,
I never want you out of my sight.
But the night whispers no, no, let her go.
“I will never ever let her go.”
The way the moonlight makes her glow,
Strawberry lips, I’ve yet to know.
And when she leans in with love to gloat,
I’ll take that token as I have taken most.
At last when you see her, behold this quote;
“If I get hungry I’ll feast on her throat”

I've got a romance with death,
How sweet the sound.
How sweet the fragrance,
On the roadside I've found.
It lay with its head,
At ninety degrees.
It is my bride,
A lovely disease.
A kiss on the lips,
Cold and dry.
The voice of a whisper,
No ears could deny.
So with the dead I sleep,
The living I walk.
The breathing i eat,
The resting I talk.

A marriage I've proposed,
While heavens doors are still closed.

I look up to my God,
Down to the dead.
I lay in a coffin,
Needless of a bed.
Engaged now I am,
Under an ember rivers sky.
I now have the plague,
But I will never die.

Christ.

Look at my decay,
How my teeth have left their state.
How my love is on a journey,
How these deaths are out of date.
I miss the dead aroma,
Oh,
I need the smell.
It's the closest to death that we can get,
The stench of hell.

Jesus is dead,
But  I will never die.
The children have bled,
But I hold up the ******* Sky.

-----------------------------------------------------------­-------------

Forever And Always,
Til Life Does Us Part.

An ocean of spirals,
The body in the trunk.
I'm laying in smiles,
The taste of decayed skunk.

Rotation is taking time with me,
I'm thirsty like a dog.
I ran from my reality,
Into a mindless smog.

I am a kite on a string,
Trying to get away.
But if i don't go quietly,
The men will come to say;

"I'm taking you away from this rotted cancer side,
Now take my hand, get in the car, we're going for a ride."

Here's a perfect example of the differences of reasoning.

Excuses:
We use them to save our *****.
They're reasons consisting of lies that can never pull through.
But they're better than the truth,
Purpose served.
"How the **** did i get myself out of this one?"

Reasoning:
A statement about why,
Not always a good thing,
But factual and deserving.

So here's a reason why i cry every single night:
I think of us and how we could've been,
If i hadn't ****** around.
How i could be holding hands with you,
And singing songs with you.
Sleeping soundlessly as your parents remain clueless.
Thats the reasoning for every ******* thing i do:
Smoke
Drink
Slit
Pop pills,
What is your excuse?

Its hard to care when
The only thing you've loved
Has been buried in years of wastefulness,
And months of regret.

You told me to look at myself,
What a piece i've become.
And now i do,
When i'm intoxicated and nearly dead,
With my guts on the ground.
My reflection off the puddle,
The stench of a collection of teeth.
I know who i am.

I am an alcoholic,
My flesh aches for a new body.
I am a christian,
Hypocritical and a liar.

You told me to listen to myself,
How i've changed from a whisper to a scream.
And now i do,
When i'm chewing on glass bleeding from the throat,
With my tongue swollen,
My ears have never been so relieved.
I've never been so relaxed.
I know who I am.

I am an insomniac,
Vision is tempered to a point.
I am a pessimist,
God i swear i'm going to die.

An indifference figure our past has created,
And friday is coming.
A reunion I swear it,
But for now I'll just remain dead.

----------------------------------------------------------­----

I know who i am.
I'm a nobody,
And you're perfect.