I dropped three ice cubes in my glass
added three fingers of cognac
then I threw it back
poured another and leaned up
against the counter
and let out a deep breath
I know who I am
but I'm still figuring out how

there is a knock at my door
I'm not sure I want to answer it
could be anyone, anyone I don't want to see
or someone, someone I want to see, or family, so I open it
and she, with her hair and face
stood there, a partial smile
with a certain pain in her eye
she always knew when it was best
for her to show up, she had perfect timing

she sat down on the floor
as I fixed her a drink
she told me that life is magical
but there is white and black magic
and life isn't any different
she spoke of intense drinking
and constant, hollow loneliness
with the feeling of ambition
but she knew that something was missing
and at the time
the familiarity of it all
was too much for me
and I dropped her drink
the glass broke violently and sudden
the opaque cola took shape
as two blobs of darkness
on the floor
she laughed at me
and called me drunk
I called her weak
headed for my room as she followed me

it's been months since I've been social
and loneliness to me is as rare
as a four leaf clover
I've grown accustomed to talk with myself
alcohol and interesting conversation
just like I was anyone else
I sit in the dim light of my desk lamp
thumbing through a photo album
with old pictures of my family
I found in the storage last month
I  flipped to a photo of my parents
my mom as beautiful as she could be
and my dad with a smile on his face, looking down at me
I turned the page to find a silhouette of them
two blobs of darkness
they were like two birds
that made a nest
I head to the kitchen for a drink
there are no words for how I feel
nor a reality for the things I think

we're in my room
sitting indian style on the floor
I ask her to roll another one
then lean back against my bed
I feel heavy as if the earth is pulling at me
or the sky has its mighty hand pushing on my head
right now in my life
I'm at a weird place, emotionally
and I'm not even sure she's here for me
but it's nice to have some company when you drink
someone to hear you talk about the things you think
I feel the spark of the lighter
the heat of the flame flew into my body
like a bird to a glass door
the smoke danced like waving arms
in patterns I've never seen before
I watched our shadows on the wall
two blobs of darkness with the background flashing
from the wind knocking into the flames on the candles
it felt like taking a picture and we looked like mountains
we sat for hours as we wasted the night away
our minds faded off into the blend of smoke and music
and our words mesh into the thick, foggy haze
we found the door of the next day then walked through it

you are a beautiful girl
with a face as next door as you can find
a lovely presence and personality as bright as sunlight
you are young and free
a new soul on this planet
it's first trip into the vast expanse

you remind me of girl I once knew
who became a butterfly
with wings as intricate as her heart
and the endurance of a migratory bird
off she went into the wind
leaving nothing behind
and if you were to ever fly in
then fly back out, well...
I would never take to the sky again

I hide from you
I know if I show you who I am
you would be hooked too
and the last bit of energy my heart has left
would be wasted on something that could lead to my death
but it could be love, and I don't believe in anything else

I died back in '85
but I was told my whole life
I was alive

the mattress I sleep on
is stained with my tears
multiplied with the years
of emotional trauma and fear
fear of dying alone

I pour my heart into different bowls
add some water and mix it with a brush
then sling it onto the blank walls
of the asylum
I built inside of myself
where I go to forget
that I have died before
and this is hell

the colors bent with the corners of the room
a different part of myself is in bloom
I'm redecorating my mind
as an abstract collage of everything I've learned so far
in my short amount of time

I entered back in '85
and it took twenty eight years to realize
that I have been dead this entire time

I'm sitting out in the grass
letting the blades tickle my ankles
I've let the pressures build up
the man made strain of this life
breathing down my neck
thank goodness I've been here before
staring at the same setting sun
drinking the same beers
and realizing that none of this matters
not even the love we share
and the comforts we have found
but especially the heartaches and empty stomachs
even people you knew but are no longer around
I've learned to smile in the mirror
it's better to **** with kindness
rather than fight with blindness
at anytime we can rewind our minds
and bring ourselves back to who we were
when we were happy

I walk out into traffic, laughing
with my arms out
I spin as the cars are passing

they say there's no atheist in a foxhole
but I've been in one my whole life
realizing it, took some time
I couldn't imagine making it to where I am now
if I were to have been blind

I can't wait to be buried
with a tree planted over me
I'm taking a mulligan
and next time I hope I plant better seeds

it's the third of may
feeling crowded and out of place
I could really use a change

for the first time in my life I realize
though I love my hometown
if I stay, I may soon die

the seeds I've planted have turned on me, gone rogue
instead flowers they're vines like ropes
they've multiplied and are about to take hold
there's no other choice, I've got to go

I hope that behind the horizon line
I may find all that I'm looking for, a new life
I fear leaving but I've got to try
because if I stay, I may soon die

I'm swimming in my thought like a new born child
thrown into the summer pool for the first time
my palms are the road maps I use
to navigate this sea I float through
the things I love are intangible and clear
they stay around to help dismantle my fears
I'm more confident than I am sincere

I see colors in the late night sky
recalling all of the unfortunate times
that I indirectly tried to die
and I easily form a smile
a long way seems short after the fact
and I've boarded up the door to the pathways that hold me back

I'm sitting out in the grass while the dew dampens my pants
I feel the vibration of the wind bouncing off of the plants
marveling in the sight of marching ants
I'm seeing things I've only thought of
I look around as the bees buzz
and I know now exactly where I come from

there's a body within the light of the moon
a woman with her hair like heavy rain on sand dunes
she climbs into my bed and hums a tune
of every song I've always listened to
to carry me on through what ever I'm going through

every night, she returns with blindness
over everything somber and desolate
she holds a candle at the memories I have
and I can see the truth and feel the intellect
I learn to live in the moment
and find the love in anyone who holds it
she comes whenever I ask
and one day I will follow her back

I sleep sound and amused
I'm withered but not abused
she always seems to save the day
by returning in the night to take me away

everyone is a flower
and every flower dies
the petals fall
the stem dries
and after some days
there are more of the same you, alive
adding your own kind of beauty to this life

every night could be the night
that I leave this place
my body will grow into an oak tree
yielding thousands of acorns
and when they fall, I'll become a forest

I tell them what love truly means
and they tell me how they feel
oh foolish me for believing that it meant something

I am a skyscraper, sitting down
ask for me and I'll come around

there is a record, somewhere, spinning
you can hear my name in the white noise
lingering around like glaucoma
the disease is painful but treatment is soothing

I am the screaming sound
ask for me and I'll come around

swimming in the atlantic
how far out can you get before the undertow pulls you away?
you drift out towards the sunset, struggling with the waves
every thought you've ever thought, repeats in your mind
as your body pains in the process of shutting down
the soul attached reluctantly begins to detach
and you are no longer the falling body, now you are the soul that's losing it's grip
you watch as this world gets smaller and smaller and smaller
until you forget where you were, and maybe
you were never really there at all

I am the star that burns out
but ask for me, and I'll come back around

I've been around a beautiful girl
for a few weeks now
she has dark hair
and deep eyes
I could see her heart through her shirt
and I could tell that she noticed mine
she was just a human being
a kindred spirit experiencing the same ride
and we took the absence of time as a sign
that something was special about this
then our parallel lines began to intertwine

we lay on my bed
I'm on one end
as she drapes over the other
we're still babbling
as we see the light come from the blinds
and realize it's breakfast time
we need sleep but our bodies
and our minds are connecting
the room is filled with unspoken feelings

I noticed the shadow of her face
on the ceiling above
flashing from the flicker of the candle flame
I look to her and say "we can hold the ***, I'll take the love"
then the birds began to sing from the trees
and we lay touching as we fall asleep from the heat of the sun

(days)

I remember her looking me in the eye
and saying "together, in a closed room, we made thunder,
you hopeless romantics make great lovers
but you're doomed to walk alone
as artists and poets
down an adventurous path
but you have no clue as to where you're going
I know you're smart enough to have seen this coming
but I must go, I'm sorry"

I've heard that before
and I'm beginning to believe it

our love was exactly like one days worth of time
you entered my life bright like the sunrise
that spread across a cloudless blue sky
I grew more attached as the hours passed
you headed for home
drifting off in the dimming light of dusk
I began to realize we were no longer us
I'm sitting here now, as the sun falls
with a drink in my hand
I watch a bird fly across the sky, alone
flying in a stretched out zig-zag pattern
I could be that bird, alone but free
to do as I please like nothing matters
because nothing ever does and nothing ever will
the only thing you really have
is your experiences, the thrills
you never forget things you believed to be real
no matter how small they begin to feel

there is a riot in my heart
I arranged some rocks in a circle
then started a fire in my back yard
I tossed my flag of freedom in
'cause f--k this place
and f--k the world I was born in
I can't seem to get it right
I have peaceful dreams
and it's the nightmares that rule the world
I'm nauseous in groups of people
I'd rather stand back unnoticed as it unfurls
spiraling downward with haste
some of us just want to watch the world burn

I dance with the flames
to the sound of singing trees
the slight whisper of the wind relaxes me
I can see flashes of eyes coming from the edge of the wood
I wonder what the animals think of what they are seeing
a thought that I let run through me
standing still, looking within myself
what do I think of what I'm seeing
what do I think of what I'm feeling
there's a spark of lunacy in every human being
and that's what I seem to be experiencing
only myself and nature get to see
how I deal with everything
so that I can wake up everyday with my sanity

my heart is my front door
and she is the curious fly

I see her out of the corner of my eye
as she flies about
she explores me from top to bottom
and I don't mind having her around
she can stay as long as she wants
as long as she doesn't make a sound
it's nice having company in this house

I was alone for quite some time
took a vacation to find myself
I traveled through my mind
turning the ugly things into beautiful seashells
the salty air may dry my skin, but I love how it smells

I woke one morning
to the sound of buzzing
I grew to hate the sound
but now
it seems lovely and sweet
I let the vibration rock me back to sleep

sitting in a rocking chair
I watch as she soars past me
following her with my eyes
she flies in patterns I've never seen
making me dizzy
the head rush becomes addicting

she flew out through my open door
the same way she came in
swift, and curious
she viewed the outside
the way she viewed me
an adventure
nothing to be sure of

it's been months
I haven't seen her since
but I can still hear the buzzing
It gives me headaches
but I still leave my door open
even though I know she isn't coming

I was feeling strange
on a nice day
at the beginning of sundown
the moon was climbing the sky
and the stars were turning on
it's the end of the week
and like everyone else
I'm drinking downtown
my friends are scattered about
and there are lots of weird people around
we're on a roof top over-looking a band
playing songs everyone knows
I walked over to the ledge
by myself and looked out
watching the streets fill up
and the lights turn on
I could hear all of the voices collecting
like a dust cloud engulfing the city
everything feels very much alive
staring up at the buttery moon
I notice a bright star to my left
and it reminds me of seeing
the first lighting bug flash of spring
I always seem to catch it
out the corner of my eye
the star is getting substantially brighter
and the sky is starting to glow
I look around and no one else seems to notice
as I'm looking at it
it's starting to look like it's moving
or rather, approaching
I have to stop to clear my thoughts for a moment
am I hallucinating? am I the only one seeing this?
and at that same moment I hear someone say
"it's getting lighter out here"
with that one sentence, everyone became quiet
the star became a round flame
that began to stretch across the sky
revealing it's size, and I, with everyone else
realize we are all going to die
everyone and everything alive
I climb up on the ledge
right before the heat burns me up
as I'm laughing, I yell out
"nothing we ever did mattered!"

the fragrance of this room
like stale beer and stale gloom
I sit on the floor with my heart
dreaming of something or someone new
but even if it comes along
I wouldn't know what to do
the signs all say I should change
but I don't know if I want to

I should learn to loathe the ones who hurt me
instead of loving them more deeply

an eventless day with loneliness by my side
I'm trekking the barren land in my mind
and I began to realize, the happiest period of my life
was nothing more than a waste of time
love comes so sweetly and calm
but leaves in a flash of light
it's giving me headaches
I've seen it so many times
I'm addicted to the feeling
but I'm becoming blind

you spun out onto my rug
and swung your hair around
your bare feet stood together
as your arms swung out
I could smell your shampoo
as your hair flew by my face
you pulled me up and I fell into you
we knocked the empty bottles all over the place
then ended up face to face
on the floor, laughing
then perfectly in sync
we started singing the same melody
to the song we were listening to
but describing what was currently happening
we did what we wanted to

watching the shadow of the flame dancing on the wall
as the wind pushes through the screen of my window
your head on my chest as we drift into our dreams
then awaken by the sound of the neighborhood roosters crow
yesterday was normal for us but for tomorrow, who knows

I watched through the screen door
as you walked up on my front porch
you passed by me carrying a wind
that caressed my cheek like a feather
could you walk by me a again?
your eyes are deep and brown, the size of nickels
and when you stare at me, it moves me something serious
I could only imagine if a tear eagerly slid off the end of an eyelash
only to splash on your cheek, then you trying to hide it from me
by looking down, embarrassed but still smiling
as if you weren't trying too hard to hide this part of you from me
but with you, it all happens
the love, the connection, the laughter
no matter whether together or apart
it was created, therefore it's forever

midnight on the beach, you and me
we were stunned at how many stars we could see
you were cuddled up next to me
with a blanket on our bare feet
off in the distance, we could see lightning from the heat
we imagined the flashes were the product of what we were creating
I scout the surroundings with a flashlight
to ease your mind from the blackness of the night
you are safe around me
there was no one to our left and no one to our right
we lay back and stare up at the ring reflecting light
around the moon, which looked like an eye
staring down, directly at me and you
you held tight with your hand in mine
and as the wind blew
I realized
you were an angel and the eye was God
watching what I do
and as an atheist, I was left confused
but I already knew
I noticed your wings the moment I met you

I stopped at a patch of flowers
on the way to your house
as the sun light reflected off of the morning dew
I liked the symmetry of the petals
they were beautiful but even if they had hands
they couldn't hold a candle to you
I watch the sun make its climb
past the cluster of clouds
in the Carolina blue sky
I hope you are looking up
because you make me feel that high
and every second with you
is an hours worth of time
I started down your driveway
and could see you through the window
you came out of your door running
We spun in circles like children
just like it's been weeks
since we've seen each other

I sat on the edge of my bed
three feet from me, in a chair
sat the prettiest brown haired girl I've ever seen
with a beer in her hand
saying things that interest me
as she pushes her other hand through her hair
carelessly telling me intimate details about herself
as if she trusted me, like I couldn't have been anyone else
I just sat there calm and still, watching the smoke trail off of my cigarette
trying not to notice how perfect she looks and how strangely fine this feels
I felt privileged to be in this room, loud music and smoke filled
she laid down on my bed as the night closed in
it was normal for us to sleep in the same bed like friends
but it seemed a bit different this time
we were closer than normal but it seemed right
I was prepared to fight the good fight
then I looked down at her
and I'll be ****** if she didn't have love in her eyes

I took the quickest route to your house
a typical Thursday evening
I turned into your cul-de-sac
you ran out of the front door
wrapping your legs around my waist
and your arms around my neck
I carried you back to my car
I sat in the front seat admiring all the you are
as you put your seat belt on
I've never felt more at home
we headed to my house
frolicked around in my front yard
we laid on our backs staring up at the stars
we realize the chemical reactions we are
she looks into my eyes and says "I'm ready for you"
then we did what any teenager would do
we made a memory we'll carry our whole life through
I gazed into the eyes of someone I loved
as we watched our spirits blend together above
you held me as close as you could
I will always believe I knew exactly where that feeling was coming from
we ended up back at my house
I felt proud when it was you I was sneaking out

the years I've lived have handed me bricks
so I built a wall framed with sticks
and everything I once believed, doesn't exist
life is just one of the many lessons we take on the wrist

I stood out in the dust of the dirt road looking past
the old house that is myself, myself looking back
on all of the things I keep in this heavy knapsack

it's a short walk to the end of the line
life may be short but it's a long **** time

everything I've felt inside of a woman
I have felt outside of a woman
*** is superficial and can distract every moment


we've let our lust mask true love
our hearts go empty while our heads fill up
just because you look into a mirror
and like what you see
it doesn't mean you're happy

I'm at a place where I feel I could live forever
knowing what true love is and trying to spread it around
for us all to enjoy, together
being a good person isn't enough
we all could do better
the ship we're on is sinking
and it has got me thinking
that maybe the remedy is in the reason
for being a ****** human-being

It's incredible
how you can make me as tall as a building
whenever you are near
I think to myself
there is a song here
it's incredible
how close to heaven I feel beside you
when the sky is clear
I think to myself
there is a song here
it's incredible
the further you drift from me
the worse I feel
I think to myself
there is a song here
it's incredible
how losing you was so easy
it was the only thing I feared
and I think to myself
there is a song here

I watched as you drove
paying perfect attention to the road
tapping your fingers to the song on the radio
and this is when I should've known
that the road less traveled
always bring you back home
feeling as if you were never really gone

I watched as you cried
during a movie when someone died
and you said one of the characters still alive
reminded you of me
and I too, began to cry

I can still see you in perfect form
as sweet and innocent as you'll ever be
I imagine that when you were born
you didn't cry, you came into this world smiling

and that's how I'll remember you
an intelligent, kind hearted, lovable being
we're on the journey of life
I was passing through you
as you were passing through me

I felt it again today
the wind of you breathing
from the other side of town
the breeze elegantly lifted my hair
and gravity softly pulled it down

I stood with my arms forming a circle
with a candle between my hands
staring up at the moon
using it as a microphone
to speak to you

the stars lit up in patterns
that synced with your voice
a sight to be seen
a feeling to be enjoyed

I want nothing more
than to run my face
across the beautiful skin
on your ribcage
I want to hear your heart beat
because I know it beats along with my breathing
and when the night ends
we'll re-charge each others energy while we're sleeping

I had a good time with a friend of mine
walking the hills of a wild flower field
paying no attention to the time
we were caught on a blanket during the sunset
with love on our minds
she closed her beautiful eyes
and imagined the stars were holes
made by the tendrils of a porcupine
poking through the frail fabric of the sky
then imagined them poking at her eyes
she took off running as multiple flower pedals took flight
I stood there engulfed in the cloud
and lifted my arms, I felt connected to everything now
I chased her out into the clearing she found
she spun till dizzy and I caught her right before she hit the ground
We lie on our backs looking up at the migration of dust
then realized you and me became us
the sun was no longer to be seen
and the stars seemed to imitate all that she appeared to be
she was a galaxy lying right next to me
I could feel that certain spark, that particular feeling
but I was distracted by the sky resembling my bedroom ceiling
She held my hand until we came down
and the stars remained stars and not exactly what we are
but everything we were around
We ended up on some separate couches back at my place
but when we woke up we were still high on yesterday

I opened my door and stepped out of the car
walked around then opened hers
entwining our fingers and stretching out our arms
with our feet together to make our shadow into a heart

this is when the motion sickness feeling
starts kicking in
but you ignore it

walking on a path under a covering of trees
almost like walking down an abandoned school hall
we were close to the lake and could feel it's breeze
then walked over to some children trying to catch a tree frog
I told them what I know about them, children are always friendly
I caught the frog for them, then grabbed her hand and we continued on

I could feel my potential expanding right in front of her
she looked me in the eyes, it was nothing I've seen before
the trees around us with their bright green leaves magnify the sun
like when I used to be in a dark room until she opened the door

The moon in the sky, is the home of father time
and the sun is where mother nature is confined
she sleeps while he shines
when she's awake, he hides

He floats in the night like a bird of prey
peering through the trees to the ground to watch the mice play
giving light to us human-beings that stay up this late
to see the beauty that darkness creates

She rises up from the horizon like a spotlight
shining fuel onto every inch of life
neutralizing the temperature, setting the equilibrium right
just as us humans used wind to fly kites
the love letters from the sun to the moon take flight
every once in a while their paths will cross
and here on earth our light is barely lost
enough to illuminate the two lovers as they take their clothes off

I exposed the flesh on my finger tip,
with my teeth, the blood tastes salty on my lips
not a fit of nervousness I'm just high strung
my brain is sorting through all of the things I'm thinking of

I like that I see your face in all that I do
I don't regret falling in love with you
you can take my hand again, at anytime
no matter if or when you may change your mind

I've been drinking for weeks
in a room where the floor creaks
from my constant pacing
contemplating everything
dreaming possibilities
limits as high as mountain peaks
even though love escaped me
it was just a bloom on a magnolia tree
a star in a galaxy
romantic love is imaginary
love in any disguise, feels the same

I still like that I see your face in all that I do
I don't regret falling in love with you
you can take my hand again, at anytime
no matter if or when you may change your mind

cheap wine
cheap cigarettes
in a room with a cloud
floating over me
pressure holds me in place

I'm alone and have been for months
but I'm not lonely and it bothers me
that I've adapted to a solitary this state
then again, I pride myself on my interdependence

I laugh out loud
no wonder I need cheap wine and cigarettes
I lose my mind every time I open my mouth
I feel more alive the closer I am to death

tell me who you think I am
for that, I will be grateful
as time passes, my mind has wondered
does anyone know who I am at all?
I feel undiscovered, over looked

I am a rock that people climb
to scan the horizon line
then repel back down
and unite with one they used me to find

if I had a theme song
it would be candid conversations at a bar
it would be over an hour long
and it would seem to go on and on and on

I am nothing more
than something people take pictures with
a tourist site, a mile marker
a stepping stone, a walking stick
something I'm beginning to comes to terms with

a garden of flowers
rows of various colors
a planet of life
lands of various colors
blending together
as they will always do so
forever

my hands have touched many others
my bare feet have trampled many a clover
my soul is kin to many others
my heart has had many a lover

I would live this life twice over
and over
and over
and over

I'm swimming in fear
down a river of loneliness
love lead me here

the undertow is grabbing at my feet
and the sun paints my face
a redness spreads over my skin

I shouldn't be worried
nor scared
after all
I am approaching the waterfall

this has become a habit
lost in the wilderness, forgotten
happiness is the tree branch I can't grab
as I go over the edge back to the bottom
I do not fear
love is everything and
love lead me here

I've been waiting all week for a package to come, sitting at my window nothing short of stalking the delivery guy who works my neighborhood. I lie back on my couch and stare at the ceiling until I drift off. I wake to the sound of the door bell and there, in all it's glory, was the package. I open the box and pull out my very own, shiny, new grappling hook and launch pistol. I ran upstairs for my binoculars and an umbrella then dashed through my front door.

I made it downtown just before sunset, arriving at one of the tallest buildings in the city located across the street from a building of equal size, they're perfect. I headed to the top floor and snuck around until I found the roof access. Walking out, I take in the sights, watching the wave of sudden flickers from people turning on the lights and the darkness from people leaving for the night. I went over to the edge and launched the hook to the other building. Using the binoculars I locate you down on the street, then I begin walking across the rope with my umbrella trying to line us up.

I look down at you, admiring the amount of beauty you always radiate. I want to jump on you but I realize that if I do, you would die as well, I'm too dedicated to the preservation of all things that are beautiful to stop your journey. I continue on to the other building.

I climb down off of the ledge, feeling defeated when I seen a police officer staring right at me. I slowly walked towards the exit door, he repeatedly told me to stop while he unfastened the ******* his gun holster. He cut me off then grabbed my right shoulder and left arm, I kneed him and grabbed his gun, immediately shooting him in the head, it looked exactly like a spilled pan of cherry cobbler. At this point, the people on the streets were looking up.

I went to the edge and used the handcuffs like a necklace to attach me to the rope, I rolled myself over the ledge, the slack in the rope allowed me to slide down to the middle. The sky created a perfect backdrop behind me as the sun sat on the horizon throwing it's golden glow towards the stars, and at the very last second before my neck snapped I remembered, I won't even know that you know me.

I'd like my grave how I like my women, shallow
because I'm sure they'll be the death of me
I'll be the plot back in the shadows
under the limbs of a mossy poplar tree

my personality is changing seasons
and it's messing me up beyond all reason
behind every leaf is a new part of the limb
I can feel myself flushing itself again

how exactly do the cosmos align
to create this light bulb in my mind
from holding a candle under a piece of string
to learning what it means to be a human being

emotions seem to feed themselves
the soul of the wicked is a prison cell
the moments before you scream for help
are the moments in which you truly find yourself

She spat blood from swallowing rust
and I drank it up from a paper cup
then poured in some of mine from a paper cut
no matter how much we drank it was never enough
I broke a mirror and walked through a wall
she followed the trail of blood and licked it all
wrapped me in newspapers, then turned on the skill saw
ran the blade across her fingers, drained the blood down my throat through my broken jaw
I drift out on a paddle boat into the abyss of my mind
as I see her across the water on a cliff near the power lines
holding a vacuum cleaner and a coyote spine
the fog sits on the lake during this seperation between life and time
I watch from space as she closes my eyes
almost drained, she lays beside me to die
with our hands entwined
confined in a room during this seperation between life and time

I knew myself once
even shook my own hand
how we grew apart
I'll never understand
I've tried to sit and think
of how I would describe me
but nothing comes to mind
and I get a headache everytime I try
Sometimes
I treat myself
like someone else
a romantic partner
a person to fall in love with
but as the love comes
it goes...
and I'm left
lonely, feeling like I deserted me
and left myself for dead
I am a captive
inside my own head

Sometimes I see the motions of the trees
and think there's something they're trying to tell me
Sometimes I see the motions of the trees
and think they can hear the music I'm listening to-
and they're dancing along with me
I can smell natures breath
and I can see it floating on top of the grass
I can hear it in the hum of the insects
and can feel it as a bat flies past
Come with me into the night
we can lay in the grass
stare at the moon
and charge our hearts with light
become mesmerized by the sight
of constellations in the sky
I've layed in the grass so many times
that my skin no longer itches or stains
I've stared at the stars for so long
that my pupils continueally dilate

You are the beautiful field I'm walking through
I'm loving everything, especially this carolina sky, it's extremely blue
I didn't pick any flowers, I know you didn't want me to
so I took dozens of pictures and sent them to you
You are the sky that amazes me at night
I love the stars, and yours are bright
when I lay in the grass, you are my nightlight
now, you are the moon below the horizon line
in my mind but out of sight
When you're not here, and I know you're asleep
I wonder, is your body comfortable, are you having dreams?
does the shade over you window block out the streetlight beam?
and is everyone else quiet so you don't hear a peep?
I want you to sleep as sound as I do
knowing you are as fond of me as I am of you

I'm sitting inside of a paper lantern
staring at the candle, watching the wick dance
as I imagine myself holding the world like I'd hold myself
I put one in the air

I watch a mirror like I'd watch a tv
analyzing every aspect of me
being self conscience of what I see
I'm not so sure I'm who I want to be
so I put one in the air
and stare....

is this life real? are we just sprockets of a bigger machine?
is there a ruler that decides the fate of all living things?
no one knows....
and I don't think anything is true anymore
when we don't know, we don't learn
I've learned how not to care
everytime that I put one in the air
I'm on a pebble orbiting by the backside of pluto
further out than anything that you know
and it's cold out here, like mountain air
this is where I go when I put one in the air.

My life is a gravel road
the further I travel the more rocks in my sole
but oh' the sights I've seen
countryside painted a warm gold by the sun
and the trees the size of giants in clusters of thousands
I've seen skies of many colors, some I can't name
I've felt the tingle of a cool breeze from the top of a mountain
I have danced in the shallow water of a creek bed
under the canopy of autumn trees with colors of a kaleidoscope
I've tasted the sweet nectar of a honeysuckle
and feasted on a blackberry bush at the edge of the wood
So eventhough my life is a gravel road
and I've had enough sour so the sweet never gets old
the thunder may come but it always goes
and even when the road ends, I'll never know

There's an entity behind my eyes
that folds my thoughts into airplanes
my ears are the terminals to the sky

There's mud on the runway
but they're begging to go outside
he moves the blocks, they take flight
the planes turn to envelopes
just harmless little notes
entering through someones eyes
and exiting through their throats
sprouting into fishing boats
floating on air with the current
reaching places only the birds go
my thoughts turn to weeping willows
covered in white insect pillows
that filter out negative tones
the tips of the limbs call the grassy ground home
and this is how we know
we best leave nature alone

my thoughts turn to snowflakes
that splatter on the window of an airplane
flying through the thunder that makes the boat shake
and when the clouds cry, the willow is made

the comfort of her personality
sofly rocked me to sleep
to be honest, in all actuality
I was dumbly fooled by this dream
I hung off of a rock face
and right when I started to fall
I heard the door close behind her
and that was my wake up call
I lied motionless, but content on the bed
my mind is cluttered land
and there's a forest in my head
growing with memory of every kind word she says
I was riding a bicycle in a cul-de-sac
wearing myself out
until I was in the grass lying on my back
staring at the clouds
and there were plenty around
I stood up and noticed my shadow
it was long, making me look tall
a feeling I felt but never acted on
the sound of thunder carried on
then I heard the door close behind her
and that was my wake up call