people are beginning to gather
watching me climb the brick of this building
the breeze bounces against my face
I look up to the glowing sky
as I toss my anchored rope into your window
scaling the wall I begin to see sirens
but I am not scared, I jump into your room
I remove my black clothing and let my hair down
you take out those tubes and change into normal clothes
we walk out like we were just two people visiting you
treading the hallway slowly and careful how we move
trying not to let the paranoia gives us a *****
I do not want to get weird in here but I will if I have to
I swear on my little insect friends, blankets, and the moonlight
those cameras will capture us leaving here tonight
everything seems smooth as we walk through the door
then there are blue lights.....
but they were on the other side of the complex
we watch the reflection in the side mirrors
driving away as you use your fingernails to split the cigar
three cops drive by right as the lighter sparks
I take a left down a side street shaded and dark
the only light you can see is the fire from the blunt being passed
back and forth between two friends on the hood of a car

I have an ax
and I am headed your way
they can chain the doors
and grease the floors
I am going to execute your escape
and we will be two shadows in the rain
skipping to my car and driving away
and all of the witnesses will claim
to have only seen what seemed to be
a lighters dancing flame
we have found a witch!
setting fire to Mary Jane
and laughing a bit
we imagine we are in a plane
the engine roars
and we will soar into a new day

there is a comfort that comes
with having more than enough indica
more than enough alcohol
to drink away these thoughts
as I stumble through the hallway
knocking pictures of myself off of the wall
not trying to catch them as they fall
stepping on the glass then walking off

happiness seems infinite
then the night turns
I begin burning paper
in my back yard
I have nothing better to do
and no one better to be with
higher than anything I can see
I am looking down at myself
I can see everything so clear
but I am always blurred out
censored
I am a puzzle I can not crack
loving people
and hating their memories
I keep to myself
but my mind crowds me
with everyone I have lost
pecking at me like a night bird
asking questions about thoughts
I try to drown it out with music
but the alcohol that I am abusing
reminds me that I have no clue
as to what it is I am doing
I do know that
I am beginning to loathe this world
you can not just be a recluse anymore
I am even scared of seeing ghosts
at the convenient store
once I close my front door
I feel that nothing and no one can come close
and those ghosts are no more
they are still knocking at my window
I put my headphones on
then stay out of view by sleeping on the floor

love
is standing in the cold when you are sick
if only to put a smile on the face
of the person you are with
who wants to ride the ferris wheel
if only to sit next to you
and cradle you
in moment of weakness
as your stomach turns from the height
you just want to leave
then you realize
you are looking at your reflection
in her eyes
love
is having an epiphany
that even though you are feeling weak
there is no where else you would rather be

the chemicals that make up my body
are separating
and finding new homes
new souls
I fold a piece of paper in the shape of a swan
and swat at the flies
as I rise
and become one
with everything, everyone
there are puddles of people everywhere
I sat my swan on one
and the wind carried it away
puddle to puddle
person to person
I do not know anymore
I make things
and then give them away
watching as they circulate
just to end up in a closet
some are lost and forgotten
the paint is faded
and dry rotted
I begin to hate a talent
that I was born with
that I inherited
expectations will break a man
and rejection will make a man go mad
I am sad
everyone gets sad sometimes
and this is just one of those times
I am not rejected
but overly loved
and that makes me sad
people die everyday
and I am worried about who I am?
as I lay in my bed
under my sheets with air conditioning
a pantry full of food and two cats
all the while children starve to death
and I have the nerve to be sad
maybe I am just disappointed with myself
and that is why
I am only concerned with everything else

there is a cloud over my head tonight
and I keeping biting down on my lip
the blood is a red only seen
when halving a watermelon
that is perfectly ripe
I will eat till my stomach bleeds
seeing how far I can choke up the seeds
cheering as they take flight
I can only sleep in the dark
and I break my own heart
to dim the light

there is a dead plant
on my front porch
that I keep watering
out of habit
out of curiosity
out of desperation
I want to watch something grow
in front of me
something to hold in my hands
something
anything that I have made on my own
when all hope is lost
I want to be the one to bring life
back into a comfortable home
even if that means
that I live alone
and end up just a lonely box of bones

I held her head until my hand touched the pillow
then as I pulled my arm back
she used her fingers to entangle mine
and looks up to me and says
with her other hand in my hair
she says "I feel free with you Brian
                  like I am being who I truly am"
the yellow glow of the moon
circles like little canaries around the room
I can hear her heart
boom
boom
boom
emitting our own light
it is impossible to wear clothes
because of the heat that radiates
when we are this close
I open a window
and I follow her out into the unknown
during the scary hours
courageous and bold
alone and at home
laying together
giggling by the light tickling
of feeling the grass grow
I used my finger to draw
her face in the sand
she smeared it with her hand
and with a smile on her face
she says "please, draw it again"