her eyes
my eyes
my hand on her thigh
her hand on mine
we were young
and time
was not on our side
our love was complicated
but wild
our feelings for each other
were anchored deep inside
I find
myself being that version of Brian
from time
to
time
I thought that part of me
had died
but the only time
that I lie
is when I lie to myself
and I do so
time
after
time

I don't know how I feel anymore
some days aren't that scary
then there are days
where I question whether
my presence on this planet is necessary
I am a grown man but sometimes
I set aside some personal time
to be alone, just me, myself, and I
to cry
I will admit, Life gets to me
and instead of hating everything
I love everything
but that comes with a price
it keeps me up at night
thinking of the hungry
and the innocent that forever die
I think of them all of the time
so I cry...
while listening to happy songs
my tears only travel with smiles
I deal with my troubles in piles
though it may take awhile
I manage to clean up the mess every night
and then the next day I see everything
in a slightly different light
I appreciate everything that comes with this life

I am older now
looking back
I see everything differently
but still the same
there were various sides of me
that have faded but still remain
stepping stones turned into memories
I can hear a song and become someone else
then I can hear another song and reveal my true self
my life has been exciting thus far
times have been easy, times have been hard
there is always a light that will flicker
that I can forever see, and forever feel in my heart
praise the day I depart
with this world that is essentially art
when I come back
I will paint a wider picture
then manifest myself into a star
and hold everything in my arms

I stand in front of the mirror
remembering when I hated facing myself
foaming at the mouth, and pacing back and forth
an animal before realizing the fate of death
chasing the shiny and bright but getting burned by the light
only to find the comfort in imagining a mass extinction
and I am the only one that's left
but as the years pass, I reaped the seeds I have sewn
people I have loved are gone
I buried a friend before he could watch me grow
into the man he said I would be
a lovable soul who is inspired by the spark he gave to me
I would say it saved me
looking in the mirror now
I am looking at a person I am glad to be
nothing to be ashamed of, I am free

blades of grass cut at my heels
I love the way it feels
a mosquito ****** at my skin
I pinch my skin around its mouth
and watch as it explodes from within
I hold in my hand
the heart of a former man
a man I used to be
a man that will remain a casualty
I breathe underwater because I am afraid of drowning
I put myself around people because I do not like them around me
voices surround me, my fears have found me
and I hope they are prepared this time
I am old enough to create a shield with my mind
now I can do anything at anytime
I am scared of snakes, thrown one on me
I am scared of snakes
THROW ONE ON ME!!!

I drown myself in disappointment all of the time
and now that I'm drinking
I hope that irony makes a fool of me tonight
and tomorrow I will watch my loved ones cry
and see exactly who my friends are for the first time
as I rise into the sky, I too will cry
for never saying the things I should have
to the souls that I am leaving behind
and as I spreads my wings to fly
the feathers will wipe the tears from every ones eyes
while they slowly begin to realize
that even though I am gone
I will always be alive

on a couch
a thousand degrees
or so it seemed
terrified someone would walk in
on you and me
as your eyes were half open and baby blue
the sound of your voice filled the room
I felt as if my body had been constructed just for you
the faint whisper of your voice crawled across my skin
I could feel the spark of your heart in my finger tips
and I have been chasing that sensation ever since
as years pass, people change
and you have not even began to fade
I remember the look on your face
when you would say "I know you have to leave, but.... please stay"
it has haunted me for a decade  
and has become the wrinkles I can not erase

I am a tree and you are a bird that built a home on me
the seasons may change, you may leave
and even though the nest is empty
it still remains as a memory
to always keep me company
when I am lonely