If my heart ever skips a beat
it is because you moved to far from me
If I ever lose my breath
it is because I gave you the ones that I had left
when we dance and you step on my feet
it is because you can't help but move too close to me
When I go to sleep
you are the blanket being thrown on me
and when I awake not feeling well
you are the medicine I will take.

I am in the corner of the room
nervous and lonely
where are you?
I search and I pray
If you came around me
would you stay?
The night is black
and the morning is blue
the sun is the light I use
to search for you.
My heart is the pond
that your river runs through
If I am here
where are you?
Oh there you are
sitting on the limb of the tree
that my heart grew

I search the night for a spiritual experience
every night
I use my days to justify that experience
and every night
I try to forget that I do this
pissy in a room with four walls
that I cannot believe that I am still in
a cobble stone path I walk
the stones are land and everything else is lava
I hope I do not fall in

It is hard to be who you will be
when you spend all of your years
only analyzing who you have been

maybe happiness is not something to obtain
but a mere reflection of ones personality
it probably hurts to be you
just like it hurts to be me
but there is no reason not to be
constantly smiling
knowing we are all on a rock
constantly spinning
It's foolish to believe this is the ending
Maybe we are just walking towards our beginning

there is a couple of me
and a couple of everyone else
wandering through the streets
unknowingly searching for their other selves

the wrong one of me
found the right one of you
and I should apologize
for wasting your time

I made rain in a room
while the night brightened the moon
enhancing my reality with clouds
hoping my thoughts would take me to you

I believed that I deserved that gloom
it was alcohol and the blues
that fed the meaningless fuse
leading me to find the right one of me
that might still be searching for the right one of you

she kept a three leaf clover on the dash of her car
when I asked her for the reason
she just smiled and said
"they are everywhere and I like that
because four leaf clovers are scary.
what happens if you find one, then lose it.
that terrifies me"
I did not realize then
that she was telling me something
I should have just walked away
but it seems
that I might be just as crazy
and in a shady spot on King street
she was who I wanted her to be
while she thought I was who she wanted me to be
it can be quite funny
what the late night can bring
stray cats roaming the streets
searching for warmth and a bite to eat
and a beautiful girl sleeping next to me

When god calls me home
I hope it is a long enough walk-
to think of what I would say to him
I hope I can remember every sin
to properly ask for forgiveness
And I know...
God already knows everything
But I feel obligated to be honest
what if I get to that door and it doesn't open?

I never had to ask permission -
to walk in my grandparents house
they would be offended if I asked
that's how I always imagined -
what heaven is

But what if I were a stranger-
knocking another strangers door
would they let me in?

I seen the mark of the beast
in the reflection of the sunlight in her hair
as she sat between my legs facing away from me
on a blanket I laid upon the ground
and the sudden breeze freaked me out
she changed things without making a sound

from outside of my body
I watched her morph into my greatest burden
and I was sitting there doing nothing
just like a good little german
as if I am secretly jewish
and she has already started the burning
but she knows who I am
and she forced me to show her
over and over again

she was like a little feline friend
running her hand of knives across my skin
fighting through my thorny ribs
she plucked out a black little berry
and I watched as the juice stained her lips
leaving me as vacant as I have ever been
and the mind of myself I found myself in

I know now what I did not know back then
that I would stay the same but never be the same again
the sound of a light switch could trigger
a three day alcohol ******
that would end with the contour of my face
pressed into my car fender
those were strange days I wish I could return to sender
or at the least not remember

to her no harsh thought is thrown
instead I build shrines for her in my head
she became places that I go
curse my photographic memory
for this is a very scenic road