I looked at her as if she didn't matter to me
and let her sit outside of my place in the snow
it was 26 degrees
only because she felt safe being near me

How do I reconcile someone doing me wrong?
when that person is the only one I want

I sat in the warmth of my apartment knowing she was freezing cold
what kind of person am I if the one I love is suffering, shivering, and alone?

Is my pride that important?
Is my ego that fragile?

She might have strayed
lest I forget that she came back?

I thought I should ignore her
but the more I tried the more I couldn't
after two hours, I thought she had left
but she refused to
so I let her in and took care of her
Like I was always supposed to

I am not who you think I am
I am just downloading satellites
Who I am, comes from somewhere else
I am a mere result of purpose and time
but I do understand why we look at lights in the sky and want to bask in the warmth of their shine.

Always remember if you hold a light bulb
Your hand obstructs what they are capable of

We could be children in a field dancing through the flowers
But we spend that time worrying about when the field gets plowed
Assuming that things won't stay the way they are
Our hearts are made of strings and we tear them apart
When we should be plucking those strings like a harp
We should be enjoying the music
rather than scared of its undoing

If my heart ever skips a beat
it is because you moved to far from me
If I ever lose my breath
it is because I gave you the ones that I had left
when we dance and you step on my feet
it is because you can't help but move too close to me
When I go to sleep
you are the blanket being thrown on me
and when I awake not feeling well
you are the medicine I will take.

I am in the corner of the room
nervous and lonely
where are you?
I search and I pray
If you came around me
would you stay?
The night is black
and the morning is blue
the sun is the light I use
to search for you.
My heart is the pond
that your river runs through
If I am here
where are you?
Oh there you are
sitting on the limb of the tree
that my heart grew

I search the night for a spiritual experience
every night
I use my days to justify that experience
and every night
I try to forget that I do this
pissy in a room with four walls
that I cannot believe that I am still in
a cobble stone path I walk
the stones are land and everything else is lava
I hope I do not fall in

It is hard to be who you will be
when you spend all of your years
only analyzing who you have been

maybe happiness is not something to obtain
but a mere reflection of ones personality
it probably hurts to be you
just like it hurts to be me
but there is no reason not to be
constantly smiling
knowing we are all on a rock
constantly spinning
It's foolish to believe this is the ending
Maybe we are just walking towards our beginning

there is a couple of me
and a couple of everyone else
wandering through the streets
unknowingly searching for their other selves

the wrong one of me
found the right one of you
and I should apologize
for wasting your time

I made rain in a room
while the night brightened the moon
enhancing my reality with clouds
hoping my thoughts would take me to you

I believed that I deserved that gloom
it was alcohol and the blues
that fed the meaningless fuse
leading me to find the right one of me
that might still be searching for the right one of you

she kept a three leaf clover on the dash of her car
when I asked her for the reason
she just smiled and said
"they are everywhere and I like that
because four leaf clovers are scary.
what happens if you find one, then lose it.
that terrifies me"
I did not realize then
that she was telling me something
I should have just walked away
but it seems
that I might be just as crazy
and in a shady spot on King street
she was who I wanted her to be
while she thought I was who she wanted me to be
it can be quite funny
what the late night can bring
stray cats roaming the streets
searching for warmth and a bite to eat
and a beautiful girl sleeping next to me