It was my decision to get clean. I did it for me. But admittedly, I probably did it subliminally for you. Just so I could come back a brand new me. You've helped see me through and you don't even realize that you did. Believe me you did. But I've tried and tried over and over again. Trying to stay calm. Flat lining my depression. Fighting it. Stabbing it. Choking it. But the beast just won't die. My anger takes control and then I have 2 beasts to fight. One that won't die. Ones a demon I stand little chance to defeat. But I fight! Stretch myself to my limits. Push my boundaries. Reach to surpass my own limits to never quit. So I lift the whole liquor counter up. I raise the bar! So I feel no pain cause eventually the demon controls me cause it fought me to my death. The demon controls me to this day but I still find strength to fight it with my dead body and dead weight. But the demon is still too strong so it fights harder then as a punishment it hurts ppl I love knowing I can't fight him off. The demon destroys me emotionally along side the beast of depression but while alone that demon destroys me physically. The demon even destroyed a person close to me. So badly they were destroyed they want nothing to do with me cause I'm a monster whether I'm angry or not. And now you are gone.... Forever. The demon who killed me has killed you as well.