I am somewhere between
the lines of refined crystalline
and decaying detritus
but much closer still
to the mud of this hill
and the rotting tree
that I see
before me.

You are worthy
You are quite worthy
Please never doubt that you are.
I just can't bring myself
to give my full heart
to any
one
person
[not once have you ever asked for this;
thank you for not asking for this].
Rather, bit by bit
I share it
with the ones I love,
the souls I cherish most.
A chunk of it
rests in your palms
but the fire inside me
swallows all that is left,
fueling the quest
to achieve my personal legend
[It seems so far off, I may die trying].

My mind quite loves
to dance with yours
But its dreams
and aspirations
never cease to take hold
and twirl it away.
Too much thought
on any
one
person
makes it writhe toward a shift
to conserve focus
for its drive to absorb
any and all
knowledge it can
to change the world
while it still has time
[I know you are rooting for me].

My body quite loves
to feel the tranquil warmth
tender caress
flurry of insouciant kisses
oozing laughter
chills and thrills
lulling pets
and grounding breaths
of yours.
But sharing it too much
letting you in
too often
inherently pulls energy
that would otherwise be used
to fly.
Precious energy
retained, guarded
but some of which
has been reserved
for you
[Even when I had intended to cut off all energy toward romance for a long time].  

My soul quite loves
the connection we've woven.
Special, like few others
but also special
completely on its own
generously respected
and
entirely worthy
of preservation  [hence sharing this poem].
But my soul quite loves
many other things as well,
all equally as deserving
of its glow
[sometimes it seems like there is so little light left in this world].

My stomach [quite heavily]
drops
at the thought
of pushing you away.
So please stay [it didn't feel like you were leaving, but I still had to ask]
and cherish the pieces
I have to give
[seeing the spark of gratitude in your eyes makes me humbly blush].
It is not all of me
but it is all I can
possibly
muster
at this time.
I bestow them to you
because
you are worthy.

I wear a broken watch sometimes
to remind us that our life
is subject to the fourth dimension
regardless of daily strife.

I wear a broken watch sometimes
because we’re told time is of the essence!
yet regardless of space-time coordinates
energy and matter dance through coalescence.

I wear a broken watch sometimes
because one day we will die
every fiber of our being will disintegrate
regardless of the time.

I wear a broken watch sometimes
because now is all we perceive
time carries us through events unfolding,
but when is subject to relativity.

I wear a broken watch sometimes
so when we touch we're sure to know
time is the medium we ride
that placed me by your side
and gave us a reason to grow.

]i think it is time to release
from my mind
and my heart and being
i cannot keep this spending and slipping from
my heart and my being
cant keep lying to myself that i
need or want somebody else
i want to shed all these vices but
must first escape what entices
do i
even know what those nights entail
can i
escape from the box i've constructed
it was easier without these chemicals
testing my brain bashing its mighty sails
if i cant express myself i will
just **** myself
justkill myself

Skidding to a halt
at the brink of collapse
I peered out
over the edge
into
sheer oblivion
then turned around, quick as I could
and frantically screamed to the rest of my species
"DON'T PROCREATE!!"

Had I studied your palms
a little longer,
gotten to know every crease
every scar,
chiseled an indelible memory
putting Roman sculptures to envy
I'd might better have known
who you are.