today i found the difference between alone and lonely
i text her everyday, her maybe every other, her almost never, her a lot, her maybe once a week
it was a cruel balancing act, maybe some of them liked me, maybe not, whos to know?
then it was over, for everyone single one of them
and i was lonely
i like being alone, but i hate being lonely
i realized that being alone is a variable, something you can change
loneliness is something much deeper and poignant,
and frankly, i am terrified of it

Who is she
this enthralling person of skin and bones
why is she here
she looks at me and her eyes are like fire and ice,
creating a smoky addiction i can't imagine being without
who is she
where is she
i haven't found her
i doubt i will
who is she

i know she wants me
wants is used expressively
the gradual movements closer
the batterings of over 'made-up' eyelashes
the pursed lips
asking politely to be introduced to my frowning ones
i know she likes me
the unanswered calls
and ignored texts
i flip my phone over
and turn away
from something that could be
something that has been
i dont want to hurt her
sounds so falsely noble
but its the truth
am i aiming higher
is it arrogance
or insecurity
either way i cant apologize enough

love is dead
romanticism is dead
one person said no in the most graceful manner possible
and it doesn't exist
i thought about drugs or drinks or pain
but feeling pain is what makes us human
and why would anyone ever want to give that up

i wish i could drink or smoke or not feel pain
anything to not be here for this
but if i used those, would it only make it worse
this hurts
my heart is on fire
my head cloudy
and you, gone

us
two letters, one word, far too many emotions
there is light where there once was darkness, but it will come again
you are leaving, with a terrible farewell
i should enjoy the time now
but the day is inevitable
and there is nothing else for me

i have eyes only for you
you only have eyes for him, or him, or sometimes him, but not me
or maybe you do, but we never look at the same time
what a shame that would be
like continually missing your train over and over and over,
watching the receding black smoke while you try to catch your breath
life ***** sure, but so do people
but some people are worth the heartbreak, or the sprint
or at least we hope so
unrequited love was reserved for the ones entwined with the stars, not me
how wrong i was

covered in scars
naked to the eye
open to the heart
there is darkness within
i want to succumb
i need to be enveloped
but i cannot
it is too easy
i am existing
not living
only to be rejected
by you
beautiful, beautiful you
i need you
i wish i never met you
oh but i need you
don't ever leave
or i will

Oh Juliet, my Juliet, where art thou?

i have searched and searched fruitlessly for you
yet i gain no reply, no response to my increasingly pitiful cries

until that one moment, the blossom of light, fire on
cold, wet wood, shedding light on a beautiful world
only to be extinguished oh so cruelly, not with water, no
at least then there is smoke, an intricate pattern of memories
but no, dirt was tossed, and there it shall remain,
stultifying something beautiful,

and his uncivil blood will make my civil hands unclean
i have been banished from my personal fair verona
in search of another life, another love, a spark that will grow,
slowly, steadily but always held back by the ash from fires long before

Oh Juliet, my Juliet, where art thou?