I'm alright with being crazy
insane, how you think my world is
insane, when your world consists of
crazy instruction
games of follow the leader
quiet disposition
I'm alright with being clinically insane
with it I content myself
I question, thus I am, always moving in and out of frame
inconsistent, as you say
maybe, I'm just in touch
making me clinically insane
Unbound by primary society
I do and say for myself, reinventing
how can I know who I am
if I dont go outside myself
to come in through one of those numerous back doors
perhaps, suppose, I can be found in everything
what lunacy do you make of that
How can I escape something you say is set in stone?
just who are you fooling?
just who is as irrational as to let others do the thinking
they lead you around like sheeple
round and round, too exhausted
too depleted to experience for yourself

Lets travel barefoot into our minds eye, back to dine town.
lets go back to a ****** place, where the winds speak
we can take care of you
the leaves rest on our tongue
and the land is more romanticized
than mankind can content itself with
she is boundless, she has molded herself to provide
from her womb we find comfort, long before the hands have reached her
mortal man could walk the river as the fish overflowed mother earths rift
They spoke of deliverance when they severed your cord from her
and brought you to the garden of eden
The hands
here is your town, no longer a village
here is your food, no longer a crop
here is your shelter
they shelter your head and heart with concrete
concrete made from the materials of different lands
what does it do here? who does it serve?
when the world is made from it's ashes
in a way that is unhelpful to us and those around us
why do we do what is unhelpful?

No running rain, no game.
No running rain, no quiver
What would you do?
But go where your ancestors call you
In the netherworld
They sing
They play pony games and walk across rivers as they overflow with fish
No running rain, we cant let you
No running rain, mother cant give you
What could you do? But go where grandfather calls you
In the netherworld
They laugh
As they dance around the fire they made to celebrate you
No running rain, no space for you
No running rain, mother earth she isn’t on talking terms with you
No running rain, cant go till you can hear them call on you
Oh, running rain youre coming through
Reach and grab a piece of us
and we'll help you.

For the sake of romance, let me pick you up and drag you near
For the sake of romance, allow me to lay down your fears
Say folly on behalf of your future tears
For the sake of romance allow me to draw up and down your spine
with fingers of pure intentions, why I lie
Bury my heart deep in your thighs
Smoothe kisses and altered states
This is no mistake
For the sake of romance
Twist and grind, call upon you now, and make you mine
Show you who has the last say
As you let your suspicions melt and ease away
Stay, my lovely, stay, stay, stay
Because for the sake of romance
I’ll act on what I feel impassioned today
Even though in the end I’ll only scare myself away
Away, away, for you I’ll say
The very things that’ll sullen your days
Pray pray pray that I’ll loose my way
And dry your face
With a mask unlike the complacency I feel today
For the sake of romance
Break yourself over me
Crack yourself over me
It creates loveliness in your demise
In your heart broken, once watchful but now stary eyes
I want to create the emptiness for which I follow
It makes me
for just an instant
feel half-alive
but even then still half-somewhat
hollow

The real question I am asking here
up and over the stillness of cold water, I cry out into this vast world
Will your amiability bid you dance with a skeleton?

or throw her into the *** of the sea
given she trust herself enough to divulge herself in meeting thee

and from the waters you hoisted my unembellished identity with your feeble hands

I have shown you my true self as hard and ridgid
as coarse as sand
wont you display, your darkest primordial wishes
or does it manifest as all that I see you for now?

with insights into mortality will you spare just a tear
in sight of your own morality
for your wounds

it will kindle in me a thirst I've not yet quenched
even as the rolling ocean was wrenched from inside me

perhaps I'm offered this gift, I may very well present a gift for you
You lacked the experience to meet me fully through...

Don’t use that word
that loveless, cheap hotel card with that sham of a fine print
don’t ignite my wrath
by devaluing it’s worth, or even giving it power
ignore it’s event like I do
a purity ring
a shackled serf
don’t cheapen my experience with your experience
of what is mine
don’t touch me
swallow me whole
engross me, emboss yourself into my body
don’t touch me
don’t even bring yourself to touch me
I've been rattled out of my lithe little girl's ribcage
child's innocence
shaken out of my hair
I've been mauled by foreign hands
I've been contained by religious crusaders
I've been trampled by meaning
I've been impaled by silence
I've been wretched from love
I've been stolen by hades
I've become the defining moment of your ego's shameless pride
my meaning has been baffled
it has been led
it has dived instead
to the groves of the underworld
divided in two parts for this equinox of existence
my child’s fingers
pried, wretched, from its golden enlightenment
pulled
by the untouch
and the wrong touch
the false meaning
and the absent truth
I am a survivor
I am my own caged victim
I keep her in my stomach
hidden behind my intestines
immersed in my guts
and my bruised pride
that is where I keep her
from you
and the sensations you evoke
the feeling that rattles my nerves
and twists them in confusion
I don’t want to hear your caricature
of my painful soul twisting experience
or HERS
I am enraged!
I am grieving!
I am rejecting!
I am pleading!
I am split from the genitalia up
and the heart down
DONT REMIND ME
please don’t send me into Vietnam
when I am simply relaxing my levied body into your bed
I haven’t the control
PUSH, PUSH, PUSH
PULL, PULL, PULL
SEVER, SEVER
they send me out
he pulls me in
I send me out
I hope to be tugged gently somewhere far away
different from here
in hopes of a real man
a saintly man, devoid of churchly meaning
and satanic undertaking
to embrace me while my fractures are filled
with porcelain
comfort me in my tears
with your humble arms, hands, thumbs
I’ve lived nightmares
that can’t even be rendered from medieval children’s stories
I am under constant running faucets of pain
I am the active participant in my own narcosis
the sound of screaming children sends me into rooms of interrogation
into a meaning of my own
the death of the world’s morality
sends me into spiraling questions of my own
I am sweating from my own polygraph
I am juggling an urge for a spiritual and triumphant out of place uproar
in a quiet, unassuming, un-related home
I am running barefoot after the stars
until my heart hemorrhages
until my lungs collapse
until my feet are caked with sharp rocks
until these rivers from my eyes run cracked dry
tears pooled from somewhere so deep and treacherous
I dont even know where the water is kept
even with my own fingers in the dam
I trust not the water of prisons
I cannot come within proximity of these wound
You slaughterer of divine innocence
You godless heathen
sacrificing the bodies of small celestial creatures
at the bonfire of your debauched and putrid humanity
you thief of love and light
of trust
and connection
I cannot bring myself into the inner reaches of love for fear of the inner reaches of you
I am reverted to the first thought to imprint upon my soft mind
the soft mind of a small and unsupervised animal
but I can only touch it with my lips and my imagination
unable to bring it behind my mouth
for what pain it has caused me
what paralysis it wrought into me
In my quiet, exhausted body
as it's administered to
in its aloofness
by my own lovely composure of compassion
in it's illuminated internal insight
flittering trust in cosmic righteousness
do I also come to bolster faith
that this baser nature will one day be sanctified
like a burning house, full of plagued infested linen
de-shelved like memories of pain on loop
so myself and all the other victimized creatures can find rest upon thier weary eyelids

born with stars in my eyes, my mother hid me, as her lost pride
from a world better left unsaid, she led me
like Hephaestus, she brought me to my ruin
Persephone to her Demeter
she couldn’t secure me
from the darkness and majesty of the cosmos
carried as a gem, raced as a precious gift
Ruined, am I just now embracing the back of this luminous dark thrown
It's taken me so many stumbles to reach it just here.
take myself a bite, a bite of your ***'s pomegranate and their elixir will make my eyes glitter
and with the pain, my imagination sparkles in cycles once again
Hades, you're also my keeper
your depth provides the outer boundaries between the heavens and the deep cavernous dark
rooting me in a true reality, unkempt and whole
carry me as a gift from the world of light and exhibit the warmth of your darkness
hold me as the morbid message that I am
I am my mother’s vulnerability,
agile like the back of the fawns hind legs
dark like the primordial existence in these pools, so known as my conscious eye

they’ve experienced both sides to every miniscule perception of this existence
and they are sore with painful wisdoms
never, can I stay atop this graveyard loft
because I am forever saturated
forever, reminded of the graves and their meaning.