I saw her at Goodwill yesterday while I was working.
She smiled at me and I smiled back.
I felt butterflies in my stomach all over again and I felt the old flame rising up in my heart as I gazed at her beauty.
But we aren't getting back together.
I regret nothing about our history together. In fact I am grateful that last year she was my girlfriend for a month and a half.
Even though she is my ex girlfriend I am glad I could I feel that all over again even if it was for a few seconds.

I am a high functioning autistic woman who is gender fluid and bisexual. Ever since I was little I went to therapy and got help in school. It just my mom taught me how be polite and normal.
When I am not normal and brutally honest.
When I was 7 years old my mom asked if I was gay. So I asked her what gay meant and I didn't get an answer. Ever since I was little the doctors ran every test on me to see how I was developing.
I have always been socially awkward, empathetic, sensitive to light and sounds. Music and writing is how I always expressed myself.
My mom and I never had any deep conversations because that is what school and youth group was for. My mom and I only ever talked about movies and shows. My dad always stood up to my mom for me and defended me to my mom.

No matter how you celebrate whether in hiding or among allies you are valid. I celebrate in hiding again this year but my family and friends support me. My church friends still don't know that I am bisexual. Then again I don't want my pastor to know that I am bisexual otherwise I would be kicked out of church.
I am out and proud in my town but I am in hiding at my church.
Most days I feel like both genders or somewhere in between but still me, still human; somedays, I feel like a woman and other days I feel like a man because I am a genderfluid woman. Which a whole different story. It's simple to me because I experience being genderfluid everyday. I guess anything can be simple when you experience it.
Anyways, Happy Pride Month everyone!

That which every human knows of fear, we, humans have the natural instinct to fear anything from the dark to love itself.
That which every human knows to fear love at some point in life, either from too many heartbreaks or a bad relationship that haunts your very being or both. Or simply the fear of being lonely, going from one relationship to the next without not knowing you truly are and what kind of person you want.
Or the fear of being alone, here is the thing there is a huge difference between being alone and being lonely. Being alone is a decision. Being lonely is a feeling that comes with depression. The fear of being alone is going one companion to the next because misery loves company. In a way I understand those fears because one of these fears are mine. Sometimes the only way to defeat fear is to make new friends or to stop going from relationship to relationship and figure yourself out.

He is boisterous, loud, sweet, and empathetic.
He has bright blonde hair with streaks of dark brown hair, high cheekbones, pale white skin and light blue eyes.
He is a good friend of mine.
I don't mind that he is loud when talking to me because he accepts me for being an openly bisexual woman.

He is a good friend of mine. He has been my friend since I used to work at Casey's with him.
He is reasonably smart, sweet, mindful, thoughtful and spontaneous.
He has night black hair, deep, dark brown eyes and light tan skin.
He is a year younger than me and somewhat handsome.
I am hanging out with him tomorrow as friends.

He and I went to a cafe to have breakfast. We caught up on life at the cafe. He and I just good friends.
His eyes were grayish blue today. As we were talking about life, we agreed we both like being single.