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Brandi Sep 2013
This may be the last thing I write.
I've never understood why it was so hard to continue.
Continuing with living.
Depression rules life.
It is easier to die than it is to live.
This is no suicide note, I tell you.
I'm hoping the Lord will take my soul and heal my pain.
Without me having to hurt others.
We work so hard to live, we almost kiss death right on it's putrid lips.
Brandi Jun 2013
I miss the life I never had.
Brandi May 2013
It's the end of freshman year.
I'm single.
I work.
My life still *****.
My dad hates me.
He hates me.
She hates me.
I've lost many of my friends.
I still don't have a car.
I'm sixteen.
I'm failing history.
I actually cleaned my room.
I've gained weight.
I still want to die.
I still cry about Him.
My legs are fat.
I'm fat.
I can't trust anyone.
**** the world.
I hate love.
What is love?
It's always my fault.
Why do my parents hate me?
Why aren't I perfect?
I remember all my mistakes.
I'm a mistake.
Aren't we all mistakes?
I hate my life.
I'm not responsible.
I'm stupid.
I'm short.
I have 25 bucks.
I should go buy a candy bar.
But I will become even more fat.
Never mind.
Will starving myself help?
That's so gay.
I will become famous.
After I get rid of my depression.
Why doesn't He love me anymore?
Because I'm a *****.
It's so beautiful outside.
So I'll stay locked away in my room.
Not like I have anyone to hang out with.
Why doesn't deodorant work?
I sweat to much.
My family is ****** up.
That includes me.
Is my heart even beating?
Or am I dead?
Nope, unfortunately.



These are some of many things my depressed mind thinks.
Brandi May 2013
This is my escape.
From this thing called Reality.

It's about time for you to grow up, Brandi.

Writing releases my worries,
About life.

Distracts me from my
Anxiety

Leaves me feeling better about myself.
It helps me to grow up.
In a way that I don't have to show anybody!

Except my poetry pals.

The only people who
*Understand
Brandi May 2013
The roof is leaking.
You hear each drop of water hit the ***.

In the room distant you here a girl crying,
but you don't understand why.

What the hell is wrong with her?
She must be nuts like the rest of the family.

You venture into her room and peak around the corner.
She has a piece of broken glass in her hand,
And she is scratching her arm.

Drawing blood.

Her baby brother is in the other room, crying.

Her parent's are in the basement, partying.

*It ***** when you have to grow up so fast, when you are only so young.
Brandi May 2013
You are crushed in my mind,
We are frozen in time.
I feel like I can never forget you,
You make me feel alive.
I'm amazed, how you attracted me.
It must be that smile,
The one that warms my heart
And soothes my emotions.
Although I used to have you,
I love what we had.
I think about it as a winning.
I won't regret anything.
Brandi May 2013
I guess this is hard to say.

But I made a mistake.
I suppose I ******* up,
And I wish I was still with you.

I always tell God how much I miss you,
And how much I care,
And that I hope you are okay.

I never believed until I met you.
In God.
In Love.

and I made a mistake.

I still love you.
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