I work to take out the hate
I don't see the reason to hate myself
This is who I am
This is the blood and skin, the body I live in

I work to find the love
I have the reason to love myself
This is what I can achieve
This is the blood and skin, the body I live in

Not everything lasts forever.
I feel that our journey has ended.

I watched you climb mountains,
and I witnessed you swimming through the sea.

I cheered for you when fighting the demons,
and I got nervous when you argued with the voices.

I lost myself just by looking at you.
Once I found myself, you were twenty steps ahead.

We both know that you have a checkpoint to get to;
waiting for me would just throw you off,
and I wouldn't want to ruin your progress.

I know you're not as worried for me,
but I'm pretty concerned for you.

I know you're strong,
I know you're capable,
you'll get to it,
I believe in you.

Just please don't forget me.
I'll be settling down here.
And when you get the chance,
write to me.

Goodbye and good luck.

Good things come to those who wait.
You are more than a good thing,
and as long as I know you'll be there,
I will wait for as long as you need.

I anticipate you taking the next step;
giving me the signal that the coast is clear
and that I can come out.

I'm looking forward to holding your thin warm body.
Your arms over mine, as I grab on to your back,
feeling your neck on my face, and your chest on my neck.

I can't wait to look into your eyes.
Mine are brown, what are yours?

I anticipate kissing those soft thick lips of yours.
The same lips that stretch when you smile, and when you laugh.
The same lips that I want to feel against mine,
as well as my neck and forehead.

I'm looking forward to your breathe and your heartbeat;
to feel the expansion from every inhale,
and every contraction from every exhale.
To feel your living, to your existence.

I can't wait to be one of your reasons.
You inspire me to inspire you.
I want you to feel okay, I want you to feel confident.

I have four friends:

Sam

He’s always in a good mood

He excludes the thought of something or someone knocking him down

He is always optimistic

And he just can’t stop smiling about the things that make me “happy.”

Alice

She has Sam’s back

She wakes him out of complacency before something or something hurts him

She’s his forceful conscience 
She looks out for him, for as much as it is allowed

Brody

He’s always in despair by the hurtful truth, or the insecurities that he is too weak to brush off
Brody is broken because he doesn’t know how to handle the worse that has happened

He stays in bed for the whole day and night

He has these scars on his arms and bags under his eyes

Rebecca

She works as hard as he can to bring Brody back up

She is closely related to Alice because she also takes care of Sam after he actually gets hurt

She repeats optimistic songs, movies, and quotes

She looks in every direction and dimension to help Sam and Brody.

Just shut the **** up and look at your lover.

Appreciate all of who they are for putting up with you, because you aren’t going to find another.

Don’t question their feelings for you, otherwise they would be somewhere else doing something without you.

Stop worrying about the future, because it hasn’t happened yet; no expectations, no disappointment. It’s unnecessary.

Look at your lover, don’t say a word, and just examine every single aspect of 
them.

Study the hairs on their head, to the pupils on their eyes, the bridge of their nose, and the outline of their lips.

The length of their neck, the shape of their shoulders, the definition of their collar bones, and the skin on their chest.

Love their insides, as much as you love the out. Kiss your lover. Close your eyes, and hug your lover.

Don’t force yourself to understand what you don’t know, just accept and be grateful for the idea that you are loved back by someone whom you look up to.

If they love you, love yourself. For someone to appreciate you for all of who you are. Don’t question why, but see that you should appreciate yourself too; the feeling should reciprocate.

What is there to be jealous of? Who is there to be jealous of? Why is there even a reason to be jealous?

Intertwine your fingers with your lover. Take in this moment, for it can’t be taken back. Breathe, smile, but stay quiet. Hear their heartbeat, and feel their breathe; seeing that another life, another human being is connecting and living well with you. Feel each other’s body heat.

I lesson I have learned is to stop looking back and looking ahead. I have learned to **** the bad vibes that are a cause of worry, expectation, hope, and self-hate.

I have learned that the moment you have now is all that will matter from then on.

This is a lesson I have learned.

I’ve never had this happen
I’ve never forgotten a memory

And have it come back

Just because I decided to sit here

I’ve never thought of feeling like this again

All I needed was a place to rest

Then it all starts pouring in

I remember what we said

And how it ended

The moment was short

But it kind of meant something

As I come back to reality
I look at how it is now

Well, I am resting here alone
You can pretty much tell

I'm not really good at this
But I am willing to improve.
Other than the journals,
The drawings,
The music,
The venting,
And the crying.

I want to try something new.
I'm not aimed for profession,
Just a different way for expression.
Another set of vibes,
Another set of thinking,
Another set of creativity.
I'm just starting,
So what do I do?