The urge to merge to the
Source of power
This light
That joyfully encourages the
Flowers to grow
Earth's veins like the river flows
Greater than my guilt or
My insecurities
This light only believes in
What's beautiful in me
I tried so often to call it by name
And realized it lacking as if
No words could explain of what
I was conceiving
It's a what and a why
A mystery to sense at night
While trying to sleep

You'd said you try, try harder
The storms done and
The weather's warmer
We all get old sometime
It's a blessing in disguise
There was a crash when we
First met
A comet of brilliance
You say you'd like to start anew
From wayward shores to
Skies of blue
Blue
Blue ashen cigarettes in Cadillacs
When we're both down we cruise
Like bats
In your disease I found a lover
In your strawberry speech a
World of glamour
I have held your heart like it
Was a charm
I've grasped your hands and
Stroked your arms
And I'm aware of how you say?
Our reckless games and
Childish ways  of
How you're so wrapped up in the
Game
Of the fantasies that
Bloom in your brain
That I was apart of
I was your muse
I'm all used up and feeling bruised
But that's the pleasure paradox
Winter solstice to the Summer
Equinox
When you live for the thrills
It just may be caused by
The pain you hide-away
And maybe this is our plight
To jump from windows out
Into the night
You'd said you catch me if I fell
You said it wouldn't hurt at all
So this is where I'll leave
You now
With regrets of bad decisions
And wondering how
We're still afloat and
Getting through
Of how I'm still wrapped up
In you.

Delirious foaming sips
Fidgeting for a cigarette
I look like a raging manic
Time to whistle the time away
With strategies of how I could have spent It better
( My time I mean)
Courting disaster
A youth breathing in angst
Working out the senseless semester
Of continuous mistakes
Sinking sailboat within the space of
Sea in the back of my mind
The bubbles pop like acid rain
And I've nothing tangible to soak
Up the stain
I've perpetrated my desires into
A crisp letter that I've labelled
With a sticker of a lark
Spun out on stress
Reliving the sickness
A gush of cough suppressed in
My chest
Vladimir Nabokov's "******"
Explains it the best
Contemplative in public places
With my thoughts hung like
Guitar basses
Riffs in my skull that whisper
How this phase is contagious
And I'm still the only one left of my
Peers with sweaty palms
And a sore throat
Dancing
High to a symphony of lyres
As I suddenly hit a sour note
This vast mountain road
Sliding back and forth on
Riding to a sense of home I've
Long ago forgotten
Is this tingle normal?
Is my preservation of self
Illegal?
Like that girl Lucy with
Cartier in the sky?
The leaves withered up long ago
Like dry grapes and I can't wait
Much longer in this combustible
Longing for
Someone's lies to shelter
In my soft direction
No use speaking about my
Indiscretions
Because no one ever listens till
I utter "I told you so"
I pour karma, dharma and nirvana
Into a tea cup
Finish the potion up
And start to loosen my joints
Poking along my skin in oddly
Sewn points
Walking through the doorway
From one world to another
To the waking screaming world
From a heavily dosed slumber
Seasons came and passed
Grains of sand caress the insides
Of an hourglass
Waiting for forever it seems
For some stranger I catch glimpses
Of in my dreams
Courses through my veins
As novocaine
After a bright vision solidified
In numb numbers as they said it would be
My blanket no longer fits me
As my feet stick out contorted
And my bleek sensation of safety
Seems to have become distorted
A calender left blank
I sit in a shackled ruin
I'm running on the brink
And no longer doing things
I thought knew me
Withdrawing from stings
Of the images in my fantasies

Bedecked with a halo of dreamy
Daffodils
Cooing Dracula from the windowsill
With legs outstretched
Sensless to feel precious
To someone you
Just met
Jagged fingernails tapping
On the back of my neck.
Lymph nodes rotting in
The sunshine with the
Whistles dripping down my
Boney spine
Cars crashing on Sunday afternoon
And the milkman is late
Head hung low in the steam room
As we evaporate.
Pieces in contrast thrown
Together in Frankenstein
Dimensions.
Taken apart like an insect upon
Inspection
From some schoolboy.
Try to string myself together
As my seams start to combust
To make myself over as
Someone who can trust
Sharp concoction of spider satin
Caused my sheen to waver
The skin has wrinkled and been
Discarded on the floor
Disheveled as some records in an
Old tin drawer.
Without passion
Lifeless to lie about the
Surrounding hypocrisy
Shatters the storm colored skies
The dark days trapped in
My ribcage
Breathing deeper so
Sunken in by the daybreaks
Careful gaze
Sinking deeper into the
Toll buses swollen chairs.
Blushes shaken awake
By the rues of
Translucent eyes
Alike the gleaming orb of the
Werewolf's demise.
Gawking into a
Crystal ball struggling to forsee
The oncoming chill of November
Why November?
Among the ****** empty spaces
Among the smosh pit parade as
If misplaced in fields of *****.

When I close my eyes
I see things.
I see flowers blossom in
my heart-mind
Fuchsias-
Incandescent hues
while walking passed
street lamps
Brilliant on my shoes
Universes surround me
in aquamarine-azules
Doorways to other planets...
hazy faces like photographs...
When I close my eyes I see
forrests and waterfalls in castles...
I covet memories of battles
in tarnished armor befriending
dragons

This being
That's Forgotten, with feeling,
Among words and
Remembered in pictures;
Mistaken as something
Other than himself.
Digging deeper into the volume of his petty mistakes;
At a home smoking a hash pipe,
Imagining all at once
With his splintered third eye:
Dragons and chimeras.
Smoke screens and warpaint.
Red plume warriors on red sailed
Boats to islands
Where sorceress' haunt;
Purple hued hearts galore by the
Sea.

{ Memories that fade away of the beauteous Ouray...}

Frozen lake in a blistering gold sunrise;
My back tight, breath thick like fog.
A nestled community, in the middle of
The descent of the mountain;
Alike to a pearl in a clam.
Street lamps crimson glow within;
Nurturing and dim.
Aquamarine silver necklaces displayed behind windows
And pine trees, crisp, marching up the
Steep of the mountain!
Sudden breeze low and chilly,
Urging weary travelers
Into diners, slumber beds and
Sun-kissed breakfast's.

White lilies in May faded to grey now,
Initiated treaties among a fray in the shadows,
All that's left embraced of the pure textured fumes is pale.
A lonely parchment reading vast memories and
Lore, intricately encased once demure expressions felt frail;
Only crunchy remnants
In an hourglass vase by the door.
Looking glass perceptions:
From the outside looking in,
Twirling round in a chrysanthemum bed.
This infestation is a shot of Novocaine,
Like braille on fingertips;  
Manifesting an understanding,
From the heart through the lips.
Tuscan breeze passing along, caressing my knees,
Stinging softly like cotton-stitched-pillow bees
Cascading down my wrists.
Brisk taste of freedom.
Attraction comes back round like
A bracelet of Saturn.

I resemble a vampire
Just alienated from the
Human race
The years of unfulfilled schemes
Written upon my face
I seek out a safe space by an
Acid lake where I can lye
Awake, dreaming.
(The howls of the busy ether
Dissipate softly)
I'll dip my toe in the acid lake
And hallucinate forest sprites
Dancing on an acid lake
My eyes will roll to the back of my
Head and I'll remember once more
That I'm not dead
I'll tread to where the cement turns
To red-dust and the dirt will kick up
With remnants of surrounding bonfires charcoal black on the smoky ground
Echoes of laughter will hang in the air where only bears and mountain
Lions find home
I'll roam alone by the acid lake that looks placid by day but turns a
Vivid sheen by night.
I'll tell no one of my secret place
And hold my tongue when people
Wonder why my dilated pupils seem
To wander.
And why I resemble a vampire.

In the middle of my mid-life crisis
Back and forth like a pendulum
Full moon iris'
I can taste a lingering type of sweet
I can smell the lead and
I'm loosened by the shapes like
Notes in a psychedelic symphony
Persian rugs on floors with patterns
That stretch in 3-D
A tiny drop of dew
From my forehead
Hanging like a whisper a
Shiver cold and true
Trickling down my forearm
Shaking sweating wide awake in
Bed
The strangers all left me
Clock chimes at midnight
Tip-toeing to rooms

Cigarettes
Like a lullabye
I knew you quick in
Distance
You were witty like Holmes
Wished you in me
A volcano in the stars
Oh my God
***** quick and possibly
Unrealistic to someone
******-sips like
Tea-time
And I'm gone
It's a mess
I'm not awake
I'm the wind speaking
To you in dreams
When YOU'RE awake in bed
She sings like the dove
I'm mesmerized in love
Or the conception of
Hearts on
Candy-cards
Delirious abandonment
Gone-disconfigured
Like a breeze
Free
Charcoal-niece in my sight
Pretty
Subdued
In disguise
Trust issues galore in
You

I know I know I can get out of control,
But you handle it so well.
Catching stars in the rain and
Sneaking from cars parked in the lane.
Crouching under the roof then breathing-beating harder,
You would start sweating;
I'd tell you twice because you kept forgetting.
So so so loving every moment
(When I was holding you.)
When you'd say you cared,
I believed it was true.
I know I know I can get out of control,
But you handled it so well;
No resistance and I'm in
Sudden need of assistance,
I'm now seeking your affection.
(I have no time for reflection.)
Such a pretty picture
I cannot
Look away
Since I'd hoped, for forever, you were here to stay.
I know I know I can get out of control,
But you handle It so well.
Caught In some dream and in love with
How it seemed;
I truly believed I
could spend my life
with you.
I could see us together,
(And we were older)
Beseeching one another with memories
Of the times we smiled the most,
And I start to sigh.
I lye my dazzled head on your shoulder we are
Staring at each other;  I see you,
you see me and
I would start to cry.
I did love you you know
(At least I felt so)
Like we're hugging in the streets and
We were kissing in the snow.
(To our own beat, so
It is hard to let you go.)
And you held me
In your heart,
(Of that I am sure...)
Yet,
I couldn't make you stay;
You left me In the dark and
You've gone away.

VW buses headed to Haight
and Ashbury
In San Francisco to
meet a man
We brought the acid to
expand our consciousness
that's what Tim Leary suggested
And you need to feed your head
like Jefferson Airplane said
Just go ask Alice
Yes we brought the psychedelics
and our bus is painted
in pastel peace signs and
purple Shiva's
We wove flowers in our braid
we ran barefoot
and climbed the trees
They said that the hippies are dead
but The Grateful has yet to
perform their last gig
love love love, man
it's our religion
R.I.P John Lennon
***** Warhol's banana and
Campbell's soup
But we miss Lou Reed and Nico too
Yes the summer of love was in 67'
and Woodstock was a muddy heaven
We watched every episode of Laugh-In
but it wasn't always sunshine and dandelions
like when a runaway overdoses
from ******
It was a wave no one remembers
but to everything there is a season
Freaks with beards at the drive-in
R.I.P Janis Joplin
We were all California Dreamin'
Jack Kerouac the dharma ***
was friends with Neal Cassady
the other-worldly monad
A time of innocence
a time of confidences
And so we are here bumming
cigarettes and joints
with talk about the Manson Family
and Sharon Tate
We are all here so come along
but in the meantime
I'd love to turn you on.

I told a crimson bird the secrets of the dawn
It bedecked the eyes of wayward wanderers
thrashing in the night
Diamond crested brews splashing on the lawn
capsules for the faint of heart
three morning glories
Vegas' spark, Vegas is dark
Emerald curtains to be ***** and forlorn
tethered at the seams In a half-worn tone
Drizzle on his cheeks; bruises on his knees
speaking French like a malnourished disease
Trotting across Bay Bridge In a blue jean dreg
tattoos of limericks and the horns of a stag
Reading tarot cards and tinkering with thugs
Passing around potions and drawing lady-bugs
Upside-down In chlorine pools
to beseech tea-leaves In Autumn
Where the weather is not warm
and the postmodernism creeps sullen
Caffeine infested speak
cooing cockatrices from the windowsill
telling all the neighborhood kids tales
that began as blank pages of dribble
In the alleyway they stumble
back to hotels of metal
carrying letters with water stains and ribbon

Since the dawn of submarines
Little caplets in the ocean
Communicating in echoes
Speaking in sparkle
Tethered coat draped across
My shoulders
Lymmerics about the sea
How the waves crash
The starfish along the tide
I've given up my day job to
Dance with sharks
To whistle in caves I've
Only seen through telescopes
Biting my lip
Eyes race to the
Passing billboards
Flicking cigarettes
Ashy cherries hit the road
I've given up on guardian angels
And knights with silver armour
The aliens aren't coming back to
Save me from my senseless
Migration
To towers galore
Bristles stung my feet up
From down on the floor
Precipice to feign release
Torches blaze
Millisecond I caught it
All disheveled and weary.
The starshine in your eyes
Like white koi finning by
Glimpses of time
Past. Present and future.
Moving in synch
All I can do is blink
Incoherently
The blue drops on my sweater
Cross stitches
Through the looking glass now
As the ferries pass by.

Willows in summer, snapshots by pools;
Mittens In winter, sweaters with checkers.
Windshield wipers swaying in spring;
The crunchy tsssk of golden leaves in autumn.

Lunar eclipses, Solar plexus;
Cave paintings on rocky crimson walls and
Balconies, I sit comfortably on.

Lust for linen, Greed for grunge.
Mirrors I look through.
Cigarette buts from scents I packed you.

The signatures and smiles on our sneakers;
Sunlight shining through long square windows
In such a way...

Strange, foreboding fences on streets;
The scent of honeysuckle hanging still In the breeze.
Missing prettified posters of Hendrix and Poe,
And the hood of your beat up car in the snow.


Carnivals with cotton-candy and
Ferris wheels;
Discarded scratch tickets abandoned on the ground.

Cuckoo clocks, In shades of shelter,
Fireworks on the 4th of July;
I was a pierced, tattooed child of Wednesday.

Bonfires and whistles at the mountain party;
Topaz,
And opal rings.
Remembering swaying on tire swings...
VW buses and fireflies;
Pictures In clouds under azure tempered skies....

{...A fallen angel still recalls when he had wings
And feels nostalgia for that place
People frequent in Dreams;
Tapping his knees with bruised purple knuckles
From punching in mirrors....}

Undercover adrenaline junkies riding
Roller-coasters and drifting cars;
Walking on ledges.
Heart-beating fast like drums,
And blood is pumping fast in veins
Like a hummingbird.

Surviving off nervous energy!
(Opposite of Morphine)
High speed,
Swift feet and
Twitching rolling fingers;
Running on sugar and caffeine!
Uppers that roar lion-like...

Then suddenly falling
From those ledges,
Crashing those cars and
Sleeping the day away....

That high elated surprise;
Trains moving on railways
Like drops of nectar in wide eyes.
You yell and scream, swirl then sing...
Dazed! Maddeningly drunk on adrenaline!

Flying like thunder-birds wasn't our deal..
We are humans sick with faults
Still
That chaos is calming,
That calamity nurturing, and
The mania resembles sounds,
Live!
Like orchestras!

Trips to Shanghai taking photographs
of junks that were full of bones
Forgotten pixels stashed in the cover
of shade in the corner of the room
drawings in pastel paint brushed on the walls
You fell from the sky and crashed into my eye
I flew from the ground and landed in your thighs
Crucifix Sunday's and brunches in mobs
We drank the nectar of Pine trees
and redeemed our throbbed wrongs

I'd make you mine...
If I could find the time...
I'd brush my teeth (cover my bruised knees)
and where something to please
you're lovely appetites
[Theme parks
and maybe some thrill rides
sunburn
when were out all day
beach-bums
days turn
and i'm wishing you won't spurn
me
Theme parks and maybe some thrill rides]
I'd scream "GO TEAM" at the game....
I'd put you're EX to shame...
I know I'm rough to tame
And although we feel the same
I still feel alone inside
Oh I'll bring you breakfast in bed
And act interested
(when you talked)
I'd make believe
Always was meant to be
Us for infinity
[Theme parks
and maybe some thrill rides
sunburn
when were out all day
beach-bums
days turn
and i'm wishing you won't spurn
me...
Theme parks, and maybe some thrill rides]
I know everyone's got to pay a bond to love you
(to love)
I see everybody says you're not meant to be alone
I know everyone's got to pay a bond to love you
(to love)
I said everybody sees you're not meant to be alone
[Theme parks, and may-be some thrill rides
sunburn
when we were out-all-day
beach-bums
days turn
and i'm wishing you won't spurn
me
Because the days burn
when i don't have you
to love me]

A parade downstairs and
you're not invited...
The stain of all things
cult status-
Sitting alone, in the woods
chain-smoking cigarettes

Like the senseless aftermath of a
battle ground...
Up at 5 A.M-
drinking by yourself when
everyone else is
passed out on couches...
beds...
floors...
And the peach sunlight starts to
pierce through the blinds....

Closing time-
mopping up spilled beer and
putting indigo earrings in
the lost and found...
The sleepy rolling credits
of a film and
exiting the pensive theatre...

Hours of images fleeting in your
peripherals...
Standing in an empty Time Square
devoid of car sirens and people...
All those faces you've met or the places you've been-
That abandoned bus stop at 5 A.M
It's a diatribe between now and
eternity

Missing like the Sun behind clouds
you leave this Earthbound place
Separated in your mind and
In time and space
Phases of emotion
Cycles of feeling
Is this sensation waning
Waxing crescent tears and smiles
Fitted like a scarf around my
neck and
I'll be dragging it for miles
Tethered weathered potions
of foxglove, laurels
and daffodils
dripped in ink, wrapped in linen
Caught on cameras
Scratched and bitten
Amusement parks with
twirling horses
Blinking signs
Ferris wheels
Popcorn on the scratchy ground
Looking past that merry go round
And thought I saw a smokey mirror
a reflected window of blue sky
and all I could muster to say was
"high"
It sounded like a music box
It traced like constellations
It's seashells penetrated my
mind
That's why, my friend, you can't find
where it is I'm wandering
Gripples on my arm and
all along my collarbone and
down my spine like a slide
It's all angles
"Be a triangle"
And sudden like a collision
hard in the pit of my ribs
I say the words I've
screamed inside and
they escape from my lips
I've died once but
lived many times
So many places I've been in
one life and I'm a
kaleidescopic mind.

Seamless comfort magnified within outstanding
Numbers brilliant beyond belief!
Like daggers hitting targets!
Some handsome hatter...
Shapely feelings that prevail over
Typhoons and tsunamis of the spirit.
Gracefully.
Lost raw, like pieces of flesh from fibula's
While I'm in memorial for all those long forgotten pieces;
Shattered and divided across a universe too expansive to hold them together...
Moments on tired sidewalks
In the balmy breeze like
A serenade under phantom palm trees
Wishing for the sea flowing to shore.
I dream and dream over
Again and again
Inglorious in my sweet crescent-formed longing.
Among mountains in winter, rivers In autumn,
Through innocence
And  golden sphere'ed leaves In spring;
Familiar, like a warm breeze.
Chopsticks clicking against plates;
I'm touched, and I touch, at times.
Love like diamond swords.

Falling
Kaleidoscopic and feathery
The seasons brief stay
Feeling faith between
my ribs
pulsating like a lightbulb
hanging from a chain
Every time it changes the
foliage and the sky
If time stopped in stillness
then I'd have no quarrel with
the possibility of going insane
For an hour out of a day
when waves crashed my name
I'd make myself a palace from
the silence and the decay
Rapid fire in and out the door
There he goes
wayward traveler
Starving body and
content spirit under moonlight
catching colds to shake off
Because I really don't see what
other people do when I look
at me
Tired sighs
Green eyes
Mesmerized by pictures
of angels
Tethered skin
Weather beaten
Holding in a vision
I've been in mansions
with swimming pools
I've been in dingy
alley backrooms
And I still couldn't recognize
what I was reading
Oscillating around street lamps
and speaking in whistles
A fleeting sensation and
I can't trust the transition
I wish life was quite and
I could have met him
after the storm
Where does this start
In my head or in my heart
When does this grow from
something soft to something
sharp?
Verses resting on the wall
Prophecy
Clentched wrist
Crosses
Do I make the right decisions
Trembling jaw
All this theory in a blooming flower
Watching cars drive by
There's a mistress on the floor
Behind the locked screen door
And there's a picture on the
shelf of you with someone else
Coveted dreams of romance
without a promise of courtship

Under heavens zephyrs,
In a bewitching renaissance;
Flat whiskey soaked pianos askew a lilac-like ambiance.
Over willows breath; strung aback tight, like drum-skin,
Two shadows stand with their hands clasped
Like star-baby fashion.
Somber, old and darling vinyl vanity sets;
Crystal ***** on earrings.
Spider satin brew on honey-dew nights;
In floating teacups we are spinning.
In twilight mines; hypnotized sirens.
Tethered feathers strung in hair.
Glimmering lakes and bonfires,
Fireflies echoing therein.
Mystical sunrises slighted by
Crystal skylines;
Torn hearts left barren with
Dilated pupils In misty eyes

I found a really disturbed
Individual she looks
Like me
She looks like me

I can see black candlewax
Running down your back

I cannot afford the tea in
The gated community
Snow-covered mountains and
Foo dogs
Orbs in clawed paws
Through my static lids
Shaking the snow off my sleeves
Wiping the windshield
Swerving through the street
In a stupor

The real world looked good
On me
Pristine and polished but
It felt like I was living
Someone else's dream
So
I've forgone the Kool-Aid

Summer creases
Memories in pieces
Undisturbed lullabyes
Drifting away
Earthquake wide awake
Moving in sound dancing
Not in the air but on the ground
Stained pages drip's of
Sages drink spilled
On letters not in ink
But lead
Keeping starshine
Wears it on my sleeve
Catches my collar
And so you leave
It sounds like a beach
Nights without sleep
Stayed awake
Grazing memories within
My mind's eye
I'm in love with my sadness
We have an affair
On again
Off again
But it lingers in the still air
Still there, Budweiser
Oh nicotine!
What wars with white sails
And blue oceans were fought for
You, Marlboro
Only to give me headaches
California
California
California

( Don't talk, speak )
The need to move
That need to sit still
Periforate the fabric of
My design

It brings me to tears
Some nights
Thinking about those highway
Roads and street signs

Miss the ocean
I miss the pier
Miss the salt in the air

Sirens in the sea
whispering sighs of pale moons
Seraphs in the skies and
the symptomatic melancholy
Tailor-made fascination with
the oblivious oneness
Like a music-box ballerina twirling
in rorschach splatters
Serenade cornucopia frizzled out
Lanterns descending from the
willow trees
Fox-colored
Stout arched neck
Drizzled drops of rain over our
windshield wiper conversations

Luminous pulse caught
Inside my brain, and
My eyes close but I'm still awake-
Wondering...
Do you think of me like I always think of you...
And
Can you still hear my voice
Ringing when I'm gone;
Unseen, but felt still.
So I've become the ***** geisha and
I want someone else to love me too much;
I never seem to find love so
I pursue the hunted rush.
(A paradox of safety
Because the closer to
Death you are, is the
Most awake you feel)
Seems a dream, that's all
You'll  only ever be, a dream when you
Caress my legs and slither through
My blueberry vein.
I just want to feel complete again and feel
Comfort in the quiet of being alone.
Another day does not mean
Yesterday has faded and retreated
Away.
You are a phantom In full flight,
Coming on hazy, as the night
Smashing all the lights.

Feeling overgrown, outworn and
Almost all alone.
While I lived In said frustrated fashion I swear,
Among my things,(which felt misplaced)
I couldn't find my passion;
How I wanted It all!
Envisioning a sense of wholesome
Wellness while
The ticking, pointed numbers
Hung symptomatic on the wall
(And I wanted to laugh.)
Amused myself In contemplation,
Glancing from up road ...
To down road.
I was in isolation with
No flocks or
Passerby's merrily striding by only
My own shadow following.
With dilated bulging eyes
Gargoyles leering on ledges
Against stone
In dimly lit castle cities
Looked down; stern and foreboding.
I was haunted and
Disarmingly daunted
And old.
Society had left me
Literally brittle and frozen;
The lifestyle had made me cold.
(Suddenly more profusely)
Endlessly turning choirs of
Music In the sea of my heart;
I pulled, I scratched
Deep within my eyelids'
Glazed over and vexed'
(Raging)
It didn't budge!
It was my madness, I heard and
It drove me away to seek my fear;
Solace In my own decay!
Now I feel free and
I can glow once more.
For the first time since
You and I embraced
Our goodbyes..
This road is now paved all
Golden and safe;
A turning point like the crush of a wave.
With a smiling gaze
I listen to my inner faith;
Reaping what I gave!
Singing my spirit and speaking with
Understanding about
The oneness of being.

Here I sit...
Same feeling again
Like a bittersweet memory.
I'm my own worst enemy
I wish I cared for someone
Like one shot too many;
My rush when I wake up...
I'm always the "other" boy:
Nothing special; I just love everyone.
Is It possible to feel so much you feel numb?
Where's my one and only gone?
Am I far away;
Floating on the waves?
Will someone reach out to me and
Make me feel like I'm home;
How frostbitten I have become
Like glass,
Like a sadness I cant repair alone.
In the dark I roam
Like a dim candle searching and
Yearning...
For someone to call my own.

Spinning
I heard a whisper clear and kind
And thought maybe I had lost my mind;
Like a pendulum under a setting Sun,
Like nostalgia for castles I've never fought for as
An armored knight congratulated for valor.
I have prayed to piece together visions
Of forests I've glimpsed at
While dreaming awake;
Flashes of lightning when my eyes close.
In words, capturing apparitions;
Lingering echoes from dusty places within my soul.

Who is the god of dreams,
And when he weaves them Is he asleep?
Among distant harps, and violins ringing sharp
Off over the mountains to quiet
Isolated places
Where no-one stands to listen;
But existing  (non-founded and undisturbed)
Still, like blind eyes gazing pale, and opaque
At the stars....

I drink In crowded bars  recalling stark light through entrances
From towers on bays, on beaches
With ******* colored sand that glistens,
Like jewels.
Crystal waterfalls I'd laugh beneath by day...
Candles in dim chambers by night, and
Although Its just a whisper...
(A dream I encountered on
A bus In November,
And On Pavement sidewalks in May...)
I still hear it sometimes
Drifting far off and
Away.

Have's verses the have not's.
Hickies on my bones
In a thousand candlelit rooms
Soda pop and snowglobes
I haven't had time to loose my mind
Fragmented glimpses of solar plexus'
Waning gibbous' in the spring
Held your bare soul
with my eyes closed
Catharsis at sundown
Sometimes I feel more alone
Your hanging words were carved in
stone in sleek shards of abalone
cold to wrap my ribs around
It's a cycle of regressing into the
future
The consciousness of lack
Relapsing memoirs
Secrets for the dreaded end to
receive silently
Watching flowers grow
Purity rings or pregnant at 16
A born romantic who lost their
virginity to the dashboard light
Sidewalk slants like tectonic
plates tripping into the night
Weary limbed and still wide eyed
City to city
Passing through the signs of roads
has left me feeling like a gypsy
Boxes of my favorite things I
loose a little more along every
place until I've lost everything
Receptive to the voices in the rain
singing solace to your pain
I wipe off of foggy mirrors in
hotel rooms
Sleeping on the floor
"Carpe noctem" and such said
slurs under a draped porch sitting
on the stairs
Black widow spider silk along
the wall's and
a thousand days faded to setting
suns
the starry rays all are gone
Asteroid belt in a handful
Like teeth, a smile that's
crooked and bent beneath
curled lips chapped and spent
filling the spaces between the
gaps.

Only one light bulb glares like
A broken down dressing room;
Flickering, like it was on a wick, and
Dancing vibrantly to
A Marc Bolan tune.
Shape-shifter paradise
When the moon come'th
And the creaks cease to sound;
Only impressions, vaguely dreamt,
When the noise is turned down.
Waves,
Like trimming,
Glide In the space around the room;
Whispers faint, and dim,
Speak of paranoia and doom.
Pensive and pondering I lye,
Taken aback,
On patios at night smoking cigarettes.
Lilacs on crescent moon walks
For a cheap change of scenery.
Lunaphilia for my imprisoned internal talks
Feeds my dreary summer softly.

This barren street at night
       Dust storms
Picking up the Autumn leaves
In cyclones
Decorations lingering
Halloween ghost
Hanging from a tree
The sensation of a witch
Being born at every
Hit of my cigarette
Wondering why more
   Other lost souls
Are not outside smoking
Cigarettes shaking in hoodies
That are too large
For them
Trying to solve this universe

I've made a new record I'll call Rita and
You can play it on a long day,
Swinging in la dolce vita.
Passport pictures and coins
In a cottage by the sea, in western Britannia, among
Colossal monolith-like ruins on jade mounds.
And I'll regard well the traces of murmurs
Echoing off the stones
In whistles and moans
Under a drizzle of rain.
I'll sleep by the wishing well speaking in tongues;
Dribbling words and phrases;
Shifting, till still, In silence.
I'll nurture my urge with the cosmos
Under a blacken'd trove
Outnumbered by trillions of freckled
Galaxies fairly distributed.

Somber dreams drifting away now-
Away from the spirits rummaging
Around,
From the ceaseless beckoning outside my window, and
From the daily toil of mortal coil.
A peace collapses my lids now
Soft as a satin feather.
While I lye inside my
Sapphire tower I escape from
The happenings when my
Eyes close as dew drops slide
Down the stained glass of
Saints and sinners whom wander alone
Dilated pupils over
Cursed lips singing along to a sirens
Song far off to those sunken ships.

You speak like willow wise
Briefly about your dream
You had descended on spider
Satin to the
Land of the dead and remained
After eating a pomegranate
Seed.
Siren finned and black eyed
Combing your long silver locks
With the bone of a sailor
Who crashed upon the sea rocks
Now queen of the dead
A maiden once
Beloved kindred
We mourn like winter over our
Loss of your tender touch
We're a dismembered brood.
Spinning an old violin
Humming a music-box carol
Spinning pale blue spinning to
The oceans tune
Triumphantly swinging to
Eternal slumber in a sleepy
Melancholy
Chthonic mistress weaving hymns
For the dead
Lullabies for flickering-by souls
To march to in purgatory
Haunted carousel with thrones
Made of coral and seashell
Pleasing is your disguise
Fleeting like a butterfly
Over a frosted lake
Kissing the blue flowers
Wilting as they weep
Your dreams sound like
Christmas lights
Glazed Luna visions
Redeemer of the night
Guiding souls to caves
Gateways to the underworld
Bedecked in starshine
Howling from the entrance
Beseeching a worthy weight
To add to a library of ghosts
Wandering from the night
Jade necklace on a sinewy neck
Powdered-chalky scent in dew drop
Dusk
Absinthe spilled on a vanity set
An old China vase cracked at the
Spout
Halos of oleander
Eyes dilated
***** sips on a gentle decay
The shades block out the day
The paper lanterns shine luminous
Rays of lavender
Across lips curvaceous
And rosy
Cooing at each other with limbs
Dripped in nectar
From a divine waterfall
Outside a window a
Nocturnal wanderer on the street
Of stone carrying a lantern to mourn
His widow home

Is this our reality?
Never admitting to the faults of the dark corners
that makes the room of our existence?
Never speaking of the truth that is believed by each
soul to come with age?
Never being that light we so crave from another?
Can we stare at each-other for more than five seconds
In unadulterated silence?
Why does a brother disguised as a stranger seem
irrelevant to you and your experience?
No soul claims to know from some higher being
with perfect certainty the meaning in our life
like it's easy
No one knows why we die someday
or the answers to those questions
We keep talking, keep driving, keep moving
like mad people to a sense of normalcy
consumed in distraction
You know when I stare at the moon
she stares back and sees me In her pale light
as I am, as I was and how I will be
When will somebody stare at me like the moon does
when I'm under her?
I didn't laugh at this cosmic joke of being born
only to be sentenced to die someday
My purpose is vague in those little things
that cause hair loss and weight gain
My purpose seems obscure...
And that would be alright If I
had developed trust in this chaos
that appears so senseless
And tomorrow is just another day of
pretending I'm okay within this
shifting weather.
It's got to give sometime
I couldn't find it in the bible or in
spirituality and
I couldn't find it in the people surrounding me
I can't find it in the sky or glimpses of the galaxy
I search from place to place like a gypsy
for some solace of a place I can't find within me
Its like disassociation when you cannot feel the
water falling off your skin
And life is only a dream.  
I thought about the alpha and omega but
It hasn't thought of me
And now I'm left here writing of my
meanderings

Am I changing my mind
Am I thinking of the greater good
A vague being that's moving in motions
aware of my own dread and lack of purpose
It's like I'm dissolved and shapeless
I've always wanted to learn French
I want to go to Canada and
leave the American dream to contort
Sleepy all the time
My crystal ball's so cloudy
Shedding into nothingness
It's like I'm disappearing
I can't articulate my emotions
I can't tell what I'm feeling
I'm staring through myself
a black hole in the mirror
Every thought ending in periods
thinking in absolution's

Pulling out my stitches, again.
Ripping away my dreams, again.
Screaming so loud! It is pushing me to listen.
Have I missed something?
Something that infects my faith, because I'm dazed;
Just blurred out completely!
I am broken down and feel myself shrinking
Away. One mistake
And I drink up my tears;
Not a soul escapes this prison as
I'm petrified.

Electric skylines
Light rail graffiti speeding
Reflections on windows out
Into the night
Shaking
Glimpses of strangers in the seat
Opposite mine
I wonder how they got their
Life
Where they are going
And I keep to myself
The lights flicker
I play with my fingers and
Kick up my shoes
Thinking to myself
These travelling ghosts
Arrive off different stops
To places that dissappear
Into the dark

I can't help but notice how
you're at the end of every
sentence
This soul-filled blissful presence
stays in spite of doubt lingering..
Hope it remains through Winters
passing.

Tripping through the night
Street lamps glitter on snow-ladden
streets
Miscellaneous voices
Button up jackets and
candy cane stripes
Hold me tight then take
a bite of me
Swooning endlessly by frostbitten
trees
Whistling through the leaves
cruchy under my feet

****
I'm covered in fears-
They are broken down in my bones
I fear I've lost someone
Not to be dramatic but the
Cataclysmic quakes in my
Ribcage beating like static say
Otherwise.
Maybe I'm more lost than I knew
Maybe I'm the one out of all
Of those who love you and out of
All of those who hate you that
Will hurt you the most
Maybe I'm not me right now
I'm someone else
But
Who were we on that silver
Night When we first met
Now I just feel like ****
I feel like I was breathed
In and spit back out
When nothing was real why didn't
We dance?
When everything turned we fell
Apart
At least what little likeability
I thought I had
And for a few moments everything
Was one
It all made sense at the end
Of my tongue
These words that **** the numb
Expression when my voice is too
Shaky to carry through ripples
But words are only words
( Or so someone told me.)
It was the best worst night
It's like
When you said you didn't care
About anything anymore
At first those declarations
Hung clear but later
Became much darker to my
Ears to hear you say
And it became the darkest
Early morning
I'll be you're guide
Through heaven and hell like
When I say "I do care"
Lead you through labyrinths
And the river Styx
Into the swarthy wings of
The cherubim's gate's
I do care.

I'm trying not to become
Co-dependent
On someone
Someone I like a lot
Who brings solace to my fears
When they choose to talk
And I'm trying to appear sane
If only on the surface
To not throw my fondness away
For said person
By expressing it too often
Cause in the static of my mind
Time moved in heartbeats and
In solitary reflection I find
I've found a semblance of what
I seek
It's true I could die today
With a flashback of your voice
So I'm hoping that you'll stay
Because I'm still awake
I couldn't find it in art
Small-talk or T.V
No words seem to explain
This sensation that's posessed me
You think I'm a wreck because
I'm young and
Glorifying your face
But the truth is that I'm numb
When a cold wind replaces
Your embrace
You see romance never wanted me
Affection left me alone
All I knew were scissors to
Snip petals off of roses
And pills of all shapes and sizes
To keep my mind off of the
Affirmation
Believing I was fated to
Constant suffering in silences
My shiny new rational is this:
Life's too short to never fall
In love and life was meant for
Just two to amass a
Treasure trove
I'm trying to stay myself
And share my completeness
With the one
I'm trying to remain intact
When all is said and done
But that's only theory
I can't build a house on
The foundations more like water
That consumes the cement and
Stone
So I'm a little bit dramatic
I know what you're thinking
But who are you to tell me
That my therapy's not working?

The stars sing subtle divine uttering's;
Truths glistening, breathing realities the naked
Ear can only understand in high pitch'ed waves.
Moonlight casting a charm
Over the bony limbs of
Coal colored trees
And the snow is cotton.
Its Christmas Night,
Alone, I bite my lips;
Sensing the presences of astral
Spirits.
Praying and wishing
Into matter the turning
Of a wheel of some Fortune.
Even foul luck is some kind of luck
Dreary day it was today, the
Wrest of the world shut out by clouds.
I wished I'd run into a friendly face and talk
That felt expensive among cordial greetings.
It's Christmas night,
Just like every other night.
(It's the thought that counts.)
Turning
Usually studied faces
To dribble, at lack of Kin
And Spirit.
Is it commercials and Lifetime specials
That awaken a barren-like swelling?
The world still revolves,
And tomorrow is a Promise.
Don't frown over spilled presents,
Enjoy this one while you can...

Yule tirade is over and gone
With the mystic mountains all
Snow-laden
Crushed underneath a cotton
Wave of sky
On the other side of the
Window I sit with a towel
Draped over my thighs
I cheated on the sky with the sea
I felt his waves crash against me
And my dry phalanges began to
Prune
Within the thick fog that I
Drove straight through
Was just a few hours ago
I slept in the same bed
With someone I've never
Met before
23 years old with a beard
The shade of cherry wine
I bit his sinewy neck
And dazed upon the Winter sky
He suffers from anxiety attacks
He told me-
As we shared a cigarette-
He's staying with his parents
Because he has no job
And they have a cleaning lady
But it's really just the next-door
Neighbor he said
He likes folk music and
Dresses like a lumberjack

Tickle my insides like
Someone did once
Manage to dust off that
Place I cannot touch
Tell me stories of your life
And memories
Unravel the tangled intricacies
That are within me
If I was more stable
More wise
I wouldn't feel like maybe there's
More behind those eyes
This game used to feel easy
But now I feel pressured by
Subjecting myself to exploitation
And exposure
What will become of that smile
I remember
I can't make someone stay no
Matter what I do
I'd rather be alone than you just
Passing through
Patience right now to guide me
To good sense
To clarity
To a semblance of safety in all
The risks
All of this feels like a test
And I break like glass
Entangled in the premise of
Fulfilling your wishes
But how do you defeat paralysis?
I'm not dumb as I act
I just have to push myself gently
Back onto track
I'm exploring the terrain
That is you
And if that's a mistake it's one
I repeatedly do
You got to jump without knowing where you'll fall
Falling I say is fun
So let's have a ball
Let's fill that space between us
**** all of this.
**** it all.

Parked car headlights flash on
Driving down some road
Everything is white
And seems to glimmer
Reflecting back a pale moon
I drew a sigil in the snow as my hands
Started to dance
Dazbog coffee and
Cigarettes
Under a heat lamp
Spreading love in dissipated breaths
Moving in quakes
Sipping against the breeze
He was the man of my dreams like a
Basket of oranges
Illuminated reds, blues and browns
Along sunshine through the glass
Houses on the hills
Surrounded by daffodils

He was the man of my nightmares
Nervous when the phone rings
And when it doesn't
Singing devils to wrest in
My spirit and then
Stirring them to covert
Mechanics at turns
Tumbling as it were in
Between crossroads
One to paradise promised in
Modern fairy tales
The other to inherent destruction of
The self made malady
Knowing what it's like to find that
No matter where I go there's no
Peace of mind
What its like to hide
Somewhere dark
Because no one understands
They all seem like strangers
So many, too many strangers
Who was I five minutes ago
Those neon signs got under
My skin
You know you have to be careful
With wishful thinking
Strips of hair in the sink but your
Not there
But I'm not giving up
I've been down this road before

Abandoned all over again.
Looks like a ghost town in my eyes.
Its a hard caplet to swallow;
For one who doesn't recall that sorrow.
I have been chocking on,
as long as I can remember
Its the cement I crouch on;
Its this quicksand around my ankles..
To my thighs...quicker...
At my throat...
What's this lie that pushes people to the brink?
I want life to get better ,concurrent with desiring to die
But. I believe.
There is love out there...somewhere.
I hope to find where it breathes and
where it sleeps.