Traveling passed
Lookout Mountain
I'm seeking a fountain of youth
And
A soft spoken soothed tone of
Truth
In the balmy high horizon
Passing shadows caressing the
Mountain
Little bright lights in the creases
Along pine trees
Shine like lanterns in the sky
With my fists  clenched around
A steering wheel
Breathing in
Swerving out of the dashed
Lines of road
I like the way it sounds
This place called
"Lookout Mountain"
(Exit 256)

If the sky falls down our throats
Maybe it wasn't our fault
It's blue whether you believe
In it or not
At some point I'll have to find my
Religion
The clerk said I left it on the shelf
Which I thought was misleading
After shooting it into myself
Phantom beings in your
Peripherals and talking to
The trees
Mistaking angels as
Rustling in the leaves
Potions to carry you through
Mornings of loosing your keys
Stepping in puddles and
Sliding on ice
Kissing those cherry-red
Eyes that perceive only nice

You'd said you try, try harder
The storms done and
The weather's warmer
We all get old sometime
It's a blessing in disguise
There was a crash when we
First met
A comet of brilliance
You say you'd like to start anew
From wayward shores to
Skies of blue
Blue
Blue ashen cigarettes in Cadillacs
When we're both down we cruise
Like bats
In your disease I found a lover
In your strawberry speech a
World of glamour
I have held your heart like it
Was a charm
I've grasped your hands and
Stroked your arms
And I'm aware of how you say?
Our reckless games and
Childish ways  of
How you're so wrapped up in the
Game
Of the fantasies that
Bloom in your brain
That I was apart of
I was your muse
I'm all used up and feeling bruised
But that's the pleasure paradox
Winter solstice to the Summer
Equinox
When you live for the thrills
It just may be caused by
The pain you hide-away
And maybe this is our plight
To jump from windows out
Into the night
You'd said you catch me if I fell
You said it wouldn't hurt at all
So this is where I'll leave
You now
With regrets of bad decisions
And wondering how
We're still afloat and
Getting through
Of how I'm still wrapped up
In you.

Speaking to me-passenger-
All of us on the train
Sailing through the settling
Rain
It's rough not to shut my eyes
In peaceful dark
I blink heavily like a song was
Directed- special- to me- while we converse of omnipotence and
The weather
Beloved to me as my Hallow's Eve
When wandering spooks caress the
Ankles of passerby babes
Bedecked in sheets disguised as
Ghosts
I held your hand close to my lips
And rubbed your fingertips
On it's sensuous
Curve once or twice
I recall we were tangled in bed
In the afternoon
I was still getting to know you
Learning to taste your distinct
Favors and
Severe ways like it was listed in ink on my wrist

P.S-
Making love to you was like Dropping acid

We talked of dreams
Delusions and deceptions.
Medications and potions.
Cities and beaches.
We went stargazing in
The snow covered mountain
I saw two shooting stars while
Your chin rested on my collar
Bone.
After our train derailed into
A madness that we hardly
Remember
( Because of the benzos)
What are we now?
Where do we go?
I shall shut my thoughts
In a casket as a secret to myself
And sit on bent knees
In front of figurines
Of the ****** Mary
In dripping wax- candle lit-
Blue rooms praying-wishing
For our tomorrow to be spent Redeemed from the ashy devils
That almost consumed us
Ah! meanderings
On amphetamines
Staring back at Marlboro
Draped-smoky-Sapphire eyes

I know once more what
My soul longs for while I
Shut my eyes and
Drift into outer space
The lyrics I hum are
The gospels while
The musicians are saints
The chorus echoes like
The prophecies of angels
And apostles
And the rhythm takes me to
A sacred space
Music is my religion and
Melody is my faith.

Since the dawn of submarines
Little caplets in the ocean
Communicating in echoes
Speaking in sparkle
Tethered coat draped across
My shoulders
Lymmerics about the sea
How the waves crash
The starfish along the tide
I've given up my day job to
Dance with sharks
To whistle in caves I've
Only seen through telescopes
Biting my lip
Eyes race to the
Passing billboards
Flicking cigarettes
Ashy cherries hit the road
I've given up on guardian angels
And knights with silver armour
The aliens aren't coming back to
Save me from my senseless
Migration
To towers galore
Bristles stung my feet up
From down on the floor
Precipice to feign release
Torches blaze
Millisecond I caught it
All disheveled and weary.
The starshine in your eyes
Like white koi finning by
Glimpses of time
Past. Present and future.
Moving in synch
All I can do is blink
Incoherently
The blue drops on my sweater
Cross stitches
Through the looking glass now
As the ferries pass by.

The door is shut and I'm
Thinking usually
About a system that doesn't work
A tire that is broke
When payday will be
And about a guy lately
I'll tell myself I need to write
It's been hard to concentrate
Like I was tapping my feet
Contorts into strange positions
Like an acrobat
Rusted pinecones
On the sidewalks curve
Pine trees dark green
Christmas lights and the
Colorado flag with the red C
Draped on balconies
Tilted driveway with
Small patches of ice
Telephone wires scrape the sky
And the poles line the streets
Sometimes there's screaming
On the concrete stairs
I'm lost to myself and everyone
Else when abrasive moodswings
Speaking in contradictions
Plague my weary mind
Like I'm running away from Someone else
Like they forgot my name that
I call myself
And there's no cave deep
Enough
No storm volatile enough
No words clear enough
People everywhere in my
Peripherals
Spacing out in broad daylight
Like I've never heard of a
Clock
Winter fell in love with the
Idea of Summer
And tried so hard to capture
That lofty breeze
Dreaming of palm trees and
Oceantides and tanning
Under saphire skies
But
Winter means hot coco and
Layers of blanket
And when Winter tried to change
He was heartbroken when the
Icicles persisted in spite
I guess I should know
Like do old couple's constantly
Question if they're in love?
No.
They don't.
It's unspeakable.
I must be blind maybe
Like when I worry about how
You feel when you're sitting right
Next to me
Sometimes I freak myself out
Looking for a semblance of
Safety in us
I guess I should know
You're never homeless for
Earth's your home
It's the air you breathe
When your home is under
Your feet
And they call the shelterless
"Poor"?
What is family anymore?
It became glimpses
From the present to the past
To the future
Still like a hearse
In technicolor
Revolving doors passengers
Slide through
Just passing by for a little
Bit of time
Mesmerized by candlelit
Pictures on shelves
By books only passerbyes
Glance at.

****
I'm covered in fears-
They are broken down in my bones
I fear I've lost someone
Not to be dramatic but the
Cataclysmic quakes in my
Ribcage beating like static say
Otherwise.
Maybe I'm more lost than I knew
Maybe I'm the one out of all
Of those who love you and out of
All of those who hate you that
Will hurt you the most
Maybe I'm not me right now
I'm someone else
But
Who were we on that silver
Night When we first met
Now I just feel like ****
I feel like I was breathed
In and spit back out
When nothing was real why didn't
We dance?
When everything turned we fell
Apart
At least what little likeability
I thought I had
And for a few moments everything
Was one
It all made sense at the end
Of my tongue
These words that **** the numb
Expression when my voice is too
Shaky to carry through ripples
But words are only words
( Or so someone told me.)
It was the best worst night
It's like
When you said you didn't care
About anything anymore
At first those declarations
Hung clear but later
Became much darker to my
Ears to hear you say
And it became the darkest
Early morning
I'll be you're guide
Through heaven and hell like
When I say "I do care"
Lead you through labyrinths
And the river Styx
Into the swarthy wings of
The cherubim's gate's
I do care.

Yule tirade is over and gone
With the mystic mountains all
Snow-laden
Crushed underneath a cotton
Wave of sky
On the other side of the
Window I sit with a towel
Draped over my thighs
I cheated on the sky with the sea
I felt his waves crash against me
And my dry phalanges began to
Prune
Within the thick fog that I
Drove straight through
Was just a few hours ago
I slept in the same bed
With someone I've never
Met before
23 years old with a beard
The shade of cherry wine
I bit his sinewy neck
And dazed upon the Winter sky
He suffers from anxiety attacks
He told me-
As we shared a cigarette-
He's staying with his parents
Because he has no job
And they have a cleaning lady
But it's really just the next-door
Neighbor he said
He likes folk music and
Dresses like a lumberjack

Electric skylines
Light rail graffiti speeding
Reflections on windows out
Into the night
Shaking
Glimpses of strangers in the seat
Opposite mine
I wonder how they got their
Life
Where they are going
And I keep to myself
The lights flicker
I play with my fingers and
Kick up my shoes
Thinking to myself
These travelling ghosts
Arrive off different stops
To places that dissappear
Into the dark

Tickle my insides like
Someone did once
Manage to dust off that
Place I cannot touch
Tell me stories of your life
And memories
Unravel the tangled intricacies
That are within me
If I was more stable
More wise
I wouldn't feel like maybe there's
More behind those eyes
This game used to feel easy
But now I feel pressured by
Subjecting myself to exploitation
And exposure
What will become of that smile
I remember
I can't make someone stay no
Matter what I do
I'd rather be alone than you just
Passing through
Patience right now to guide me
To good sense
To clarity
To a semblance of safety in all
The risks
All of this feels like a test
And I break like glass
Entangled in the premise of
Fulfilling your wishes
But how do you defeat paralysis?
I'm not dumb as I act
I just have to push myself gently
Back onto track
I'm exploring the terrain
That is you
And if that's a mistake it's one
I repeatedly do
You got to jump without knowing where you'll fall
Falling I say is fun
So let's have a ball
Let's fill that space between us
**** all of this.
**** it all.

I heard somber news just
Yesterday
I heard two young men had died
I called these men friends once
Upon a time
He had messaged me five days
Before
But we weren't the same people
Anymore
Strange how the faces you see
About you can dissipate and
Disappear
After every trial and tear a life
Simply ends
Without a great moment
Something vague and undefinable
Stories of how good and how caring
These guys were
And of how they will live on
Even though their smiles and
Bodies have drifted away and
Gone
Made me think of mortality
How one slid on an icy road could Change so much
Leave a baby without his father
What stays is the memory in
People's hearts they touched
But it could be tomorrow
Or any unexpected time
And I don't believe you would
Ever put their portraits or
Pictures away
Memories weren't meant to
Gather dust
Where do we go after we die?
That spark of energy that lit your
Eyes

In the middle of my mid-life crisis
Back and forth like a pendulum
Full moon iris'
I can taste a lingering type of sweet
I can smell the lead and
I'm loosened by the shapes like
Notes in a psychedelic symphony
Persian rugs on floors with patterns
That stretch in 3-D
A tiny drop of dew
From my forehead
Hanging like a whisper a
Shiver cold and true
Trickling down my forearm
Shaking sweating wide awake in
Bed
The strangers all left me
Clock chimes at midnight
Tip-toeing to rooms

Delirious foaming sips
Fidgeting for a cigarette
I look like a raging manic
Time to whistle the time away
With strategies of how I could have spent It better
( My time I mean)
Courting disaster
A youth breathing in angst
Working out the senseless semester
Of continuous mistakes
Sinking sailboat within the space of
Sea in the back of my mind
The bubbles pop like acid rain
And I've nothing tangible to soak
Up the stain
I've perpetrated my desires into
A crisp letter that I've labelled
With a sticker of a lark
Spun out on stress
Reliving the sickness
A gush of cough suppressed in
My chest
Vladimir Nabokov's "******"
Explains it the best
Contemplative in public places
With my thoughts hung like
Guitar basses
Riffs in my skull that whisper
How this phase is contagious
And I'm still the only one left of my
Peers with sweaty palms
And a sore throat
Dancing
High to a symphony of lyres
As I suddenly hit a sour note
This vast mountain road
Sliding back and forth on
Riding to a sense of home I've
Long ago forgotten
Is this tingle normal?
Is my preservation of self
Illegal?
Like that girl Lucy with
Cartier in the sky?
The leaves withered up long ago
Like dry grapes and I can't wait
Much longer in this combustible
Longing for
Someone's lies to shelter
In my soft direction
No use speaking about my
Indiscretions
Because no one ever listens till
I utter "I told you so"
I pour karma, dharma and nirvana
Into a tea cup
Finish the potion up
And start to loosen my joints
Poking along my skin in oddly
Sewn points
Walking through the doorway
From one world to another
To the waking screaming world
From a heavily dosed slumber
Seasons came and passed
Grains of sand caress the insides
Of an hourglass
Waiting for forever it seems
For some stranger I catch glimpses
Of in my dreams
Courses through my veins
As novocaine
After a bright vision solidified
In numb numbers as they said it would be
My blanket no longer fits me
As my feet stick out contorted
And my bleek sensation of safety
Seems to have become distorted
A calender left blank
I sit in a shackled ruin
I'm running on the brink
And no longer doing things
I thought knew me
Withdrawing from stings
Of the images in my fantasies

I am a labyrinth with
Twists and turns
Endless corners of cobblestone
In this dark where
I'm comfortable
Where I lye
Vines reek of cigarettes and
Oranges
And at the center of my maze
Is a black hole that takes everything
Into it swallowing
Consuming
Leaving nothing
Scars on my fingers
Bruises on my legs
Where is the love in this destitute
Palace?

My eyes are dim and
Low
Surrounded by shadows
Of people
Sprinkling ash settles
Over the aftermath
Of loud words
Permeating from the
Wall's to my tired
Ears
Words spoken in hate
Agitate in a certain
Way and aren't erased
In the morning
"They" say the end
Is really a beginning-
And that is how
I perceive this lingering
Feeling
Somehow left to hideaway
(The truth disguised)
Faults to our crimes
Hanging in the disturbed
Air.

Summer creases
Memories in pieces
Undisturbed lullabyes
Drifting away
Earthquake wide awake
Moving in sound dancing
Not in the air but on the ground
Stained pages drip's of
Sages drink spilled
On letters not in ink
But lead
Keeping starshine
Wears it on my sleeve
Catches my collar
And so you leave
It sounds like a beach
Nights without sleep
Stayed awake
Grazing memories within
My mind's eye
I'm in love with my sadness
We have an affair
On again
Off again
But it lingers in the still air
Still there, Budweiser
Oh nicotine!
What wars with white sails
And blue oceans were fought for
You, Marlboro
Only to give me headaches
California
California
California

( Don't talk, speak )
The need to move
That need to sit still
Periforate the fabric of
My design

It brings me to tears
Some nights
Thinking about those highway
Roads and street signs

Miss the ocean
I miss the pier
Miss the salt in the air

You speak like willow wise
Briefly about your dream
You had descended on spider
Satin to the
Land of the dead and remained
After eating a pomegranate
Seed.
Siren finned and black eyed
Combing your long silver locks
With the bone of a sailor
Who crashed upon the sea rocks
Now queen of the dead
A maiden once
Beloved kindred
We mourn like winter over our
Loss of your tender touch
We're a dismembered brood.
Spinning an old violin
Humming a music-box carol
Spinning pale blue spinning to
The oceans tune
Triumphantly swinging to
Eternal slumber in a sleepy
Melancholy
Chthonic mistress weaving hymns
For the dead
Lullabies for flickering-by souls
To march to in purgatory
Haunted carousel with thrones
Made of coral and seashell
Pleasing is your disguise
Fleeting like a butterfly
Over a frosted lake
Kissing the blue flowers
Wilting as they weep
Your dreams sound like
Christmas lights
Glazed Luna visions
Redeemer of the night
Guiding souls to caves
Gateways to the underworld
Bedecked in starshine
Howling from the entrance
Beseeching a worthy weight
To add to a library of ghosts
Wandering from the night
Jade necklace on a sinewy neck
Powdered-chalky scent in dew drop
Dusk
Absinthe spilled on a vanity set
An old China vase cracked at the
Spout
Halos of oleander
Eyes dilated
***** sips on a gentle decay
The shades block out the day
The paper lanterns shine luminous
Rays of lavender
Across lips curvaceous
And rosy
Cooing at each other with limbs
Dripped in nectar
From a divine waterfall
Outside a window a
Nocturnal wanderer on the street
Of stone carrying a lantern to mourn
His widow home

This feeling that I'm a zombie
And my mind is burning down
It's like my cruise control is on
And I regret all I've become
Till I've turned my darkness into
Light
And all my sheets are bleached
White
Talking to myself when I'm alone
It's never quite enough I'm
Unconscious of all my blind-spots
I always feel like a restless one
When I've spoken all my cups
And I've dranken all my thoughts
Thinking about the past and
How it used to be
I still catch chills when I drive
Through the sleet and ice but
I smile anyway
Like a bruise that never heals
With more years under my feet
I've got this spark in the dark
And I'm not quitting what
I started though this life isn't
What I pictured-
Wasn't what I wanted it to be
No I'm not giving up I've
Got this spark in the dark
Destiny awaits to be defined
There are no set lines
It's all a state of mind

Having you, holding you
Teething you, loosing you
Like I knew I would
Beholded you, breathed you
Shaking you to notice me
Your scents gone but
Your voice lingers in the
Quiet of my room when
I'm alone.
My vision came true
I lost a piece of myself to you
And where you go it goes too
You're like my cat I can't
Replace and
I know I'll never know
The sensation of
You again only the dysphoria
Of your absence still...

The urge to merge to the
Source of power
This light
That joyfully encourages the
Flowers to grow
Earth's veins like the river flows
Greater than my guilt or
My insecurities
This light only believes in
What's beautiful in me
I tried so often to call it by name
And realized it lacking as if
No words could explain of what
I was conceiving
It's a what and a why
A mystery to sense at night
While trying to sleep

Should I consult my cards
Destiny-picked like guidance
From above
From the stars
If only life could be kind
And smile once awhile
I'm so sensitive like a glass
Container
And all my water is spilling over
I'm this opposite of a charmer
I have no honey for your ears
Only a truth that speaks in tears
And I've taken to a bottle
After spending my years
Concerned with the
Contemporary models
Society hath contrived my
Life should resemble
But I began to crumble
Not comprehending why
These systems have left me dry
Of passion
You tell me there is no magic
No God or consious to pray
To for a semblance of safety
My adult self is in purgatory
Somewhere between the mundane
And death
And I have an escalating self-
Hatred brewing from within
My chest
Don't you see what my generation
Inherited from the would-be
Saviors of the world had they not polluted it within wars of oil?
Don't you see it's a lie?
It's all corrupt and we're all
******?
Conspiracies paved by broken dreams that we aspired to since
We first watched T.V?
Surely history has taught us
Something: Loving
One another Is worth valuing.
It's like our ideals have flickered
Out and
It's something to mourn and
To be disappointed about
So I pray to the universe and
Hope we can save us
As we sit comfortably on
Our phones
Feeling this dazed sensation
That there's more to the equation
We don't know.

A clown sad eyes
Make-up-smeared tears
Dripping down as he
Flashes his pearly whites
Smiling wide
He blows balloons and
Juggles too
He walks the high-tight rope
For your viewing-entertainment-
Value
The people love to laugh as he
Makes a mockery of himself
And he sometimes wishes he
Was someone else
Eternally doomed to always grin
As if his grotesquely sized shoes
Were attached to him
But no one ever asks him his name
At the state fair
Jaded jester jokes always
On him

Lilac breezed wishing for Summer
In mid-chilly-November
My days are like nights there's
No sun in sight
Covered within clouds I
Must use the lamp-light to see
To write about the way these tender
Years twist so immensely
So sad these folk-dreams remain
Unexpressed blinking lost
Laughing at myself
Consumerism-laden land's rights
To passage seem so bleak
Tweaked till the semblance of
Peace settles in
My ribcage that holds
A bluebird tweeting
Unheard
Locked inside the
Absurdly rusted bar's
With all that hype I'm too
Hard-pressed to care you
Know I just
Want to be a freak with
Stars in my eyes and
Flowers in my hair.

This silly shrill putting
Clothes on hangers in my
Head
Judging me, myself by
Conceptions I should have long
Since shot dead
Either way the formalities
Leave you wasting time on
Trivialities
And my needs I cannot touch
I cannot grasp what sustains me much
It's like living up to someone's
Voice and the
Echoes linger still
That get mistranslated as the
Noise reverberates from the
Wall's of a well.
Such sounds I hear
And all this hot air
I'm just going to leave them there
To burn the floor down.

A forrest in my eyes
Soaking in the bathtub with
My hands clasped between
My thighs
Caring little to care a lot about
All those faces I forgot
This is me
In my moment
Believing that time stood still
Once
It caressed my cheeks and danced
When I sang
It made love to my brain
And I think of this orange train
Called Union Pacific
Such a nice name
Such a nice name

Steep staircase to a long hallway
Pale curtains to open windows
Graze the air
All the way down to a narrow door
Waiting there
A door that lead to nowhere
Black void on the otherside
When you close your eyes before
Dreamtime
All I see are twinkling orbs akin
To the night sky
Blinking in this shadow room
Drops of water dripping down
I call out "hello"!?
Drip drip drip's the only sound
In this place that has no beginning
Or end
Suspended in space I call out
"Hello" again
And suddenly before my sight
Images glow in those orbs of light
That time my parents were in a fight
Screaming
Broken glass
My dad's arm was bleeding
That time I was trying to learn how
To ride a bike
I never got it down in spite
And the time I was bitten in the
Face by Warlock the choclate
Pitbull I'd almost erased from my
Memory
Those morbid night terrors I used to have-
I'm still afraid of the dark sometimes
There's the time shuffling down the sidewalk when I had decided I would runaway but my father found me later that day
That's me cutting my arm with a butcher knife when I decided in middle school I wanted to end my Life
I'm outside my body watching
Myself passed out at my own house
Party in high school
There's me knocking in the Neighbor's door barefoot
In the snow
Then the images melted and
Dissipated
I found myself
Wrought with secrets
Pieces of me untold to myself
Emotions resurfacing that I
Wasn't aware that I felt
Inside of me is this universe
As uncharted and vast as
The sea
These scribbles in notebooks are my
Legacy
So remember me
Remember me when you lye
Awake in the middle of the night
And the world's quiet and you're
Pondering the question of what
Life means
Your not alone.

"The best revenge is living well."
               - Dorothy Parker

I'm so far from where I've been
Words are only words not
Set in stone
Tomorrow will be better than
Today
Amounts to lies within habits
Hard to shake
One mistake becomes oceans
Of regret
Throwing it all away for one
Moment of peace
Some holy redemption
An immediate release
Promises I told myself
That were never kept
Lye the stones of my tower
High in disappointment
And that look you get
From someone who
Doesn't understand why
You push away their helping
Hands
To grow is to embody that
Betterment from those
Destructive impulses you
Draw with your mind
In the grey cement
I've told myself a thousand times
"I'm not perfect" how
That weighty reality
Becomes evident over
And over
To any freebird who wishes to
Wonder and die young
See the plane crash of their life
For others to mourn
Means nothing to nature
Who by nature is stern and
To those ghosts who died of
Exposure, hunger and
Malnourishment-
Do their footprints in the
Snow live on to anyone?
Was their life just a comet
That burned once upon a time
But now is gone?
To purify my intentions in
This life when I'm sometimes
So jaded by my maladies
Reinforcing habits that
Enable my demise
I could barely cross the street
I was so sketched by those passing
Eyes I would stare down at my feet
I'll try to beat all those instincts
Of not knowing whom to trust
Of being abandoned in the
Crippling dust
Of sinking inside most of my
Faults of
Never conceiving that I would
Get back up
And changing my mind when
The inspiration rusts
And choose to be simply
Happy for once
Smiling and laughing at
Myself
Belief that one day I'll be
A success and not succumbing
To all that pressure and stress
Instead of realizing
"This Isn't me"
I'll paint the picture of who I want
To be
My life is worth more than that
And where the univers guides me
Are the first gleaming steps
To salvation from all
My secrets and unrest
Being reborn from my ashes
I'll be the Phoenix
I'll take all my shame and
Plant it in the earthly soil
Where it will grow into a
Tree-
A resilient weeping willow

This barren street at night
       Dust storms
Picking up the Autumn leaves
In cyclones
Decorations lingering
Halloween ghost
Hanging from a tree
The sensation of a witch
Being born at every
Hit of my cigarette
Wondering why more
   Other lost souls
Are not outside smoking
Cigarettes shaking in hoodies
That are too large
For them
Trying to solve this universe

Digging underground
Found the diamond
Lost
In the crowd
Soundly speaking on the floor
Beaten badly wanting more
Bruises
Delirious about the uselessness
Of therapy and Sunday classes
By the masses
Childhood memories of running
On a beach
Sand between my toes
Mechanics strange and
Wired like gadgets
Tickets on trains to seafoam
Shores when
December comes
Beguiling smirk
Gazing like a toddler in wonder
At the said shutters of others
Maybe in split-screens with
Vivid color
The lackluster utterings die
At the sight
Cat-eyed and wild
Sighing like a child at coarse
Trivial arrivals of those
Suicidal yearnings resurfaced by
Days-break
Dysfigured in space as shapeless
As the speech that defined it
Butterfly darlings my
Coat flowing on the windless air
As a cocoon I'm enveloped in
Bed by many toppled books to
Beseech in disparity at all the
Shared pairs I erased
Like tickled bruises all sunken and
Hopeless in keeping up with
The moment
Gloves stitched
Kerosene patched dribbled
Against sunscreen
Tired-awake unable to sleep
Fascinated with miracles and the
Shadows in sight
Dismissed while in a crisis that
Felt steep in the night of one's
Soul
A tourniquet strapped around
My elbow in the cold snow
What's the criteria for the
Mentally unsuitable
We are preachers, poets, wives
With ribbons in our hair
Cradled in hate
Dissipated softly only to
Awaken with grim morning
After morning
Dark-days of chaos-tripping
Laid flat on my stomach-ache
Removed by time like an
Hourglass state of mind
Written on my *******
Glamorous sheen caught deep
Within the recessions of my
Brain
Unseen and I imagine
I am that firefly caught in the
Glass container
Blue as lapis lazuli
Blue as the livor mortis after
Suffocating

What to write
Whom to think about?
Tommorow becomes today like
Pieces of clay awaiting to be
Played with
I've sunken in my third eye
I've forgotten about my day job
Silence speaks
The keeper of secrets seems to
Sleep
I've done more through my slumber
Than any wide-eyed-far-off-dreamer
I've stolen the sacred keys and
Felt the whole-hearted heaviness
Of belonging to someone
Many someone's
Times seem to creak
As old floors in
Even older housing
Like an ancient breeze
Breathed to life
By keeps
Having a one and only to
Seep through my dreary
Eyes
Tonight's my last night on
Earth
What does one do?
Whom to confide to?
To be amused in frankincense
And lavender
A dew drop on rose petals
Awakened by the settled air
Growing wiser
Breeded by violence
Along a moonscapes splendor
But it's now November
Tides washed over my memory
I'm misplaced in time
And space
Is this all I can utter?
No resounded calls of wonder?
All I've seen
All I've met
All I've loved
All I've hated
All I wished for
All I've  felt
All I've escaped from
All I've dealt
Was I just a vision that grew up?
Learned to wash the dishes and
Lessened the cigarettes I've smoked
The mediocrity as gleam'ed as
The moonshine
Caught in the back of my throat
A longing for the Neverland of
Alice's talking flora

Cigarettes
Like a lullabye
I knew you quick in
Distance
You were witty like Holmes
Wished you in me
A volcano in the stars
Oh my God
***** quick and possibly
Unrealistic to someone
******-sips like
Tea-time
And I'm gone
It's a mess
I'm not awake
I'm the wind speaking
To you in dreams
When YOU'RE awake in bed
She sings like the dove
I'm mesmerized in love
Or the conception of
Hearts on
Candy-cards
Delirious abandonment
Gone-disconfigured
Like a breeze
Free
Charcoal-niece in my sight
Pretty
Subdued
In disguise
Trust issues galore in
You

Chrysanthemum
Weary, dressed in pearl
Old like a sea whale
Ancient.
Records of ancient cults
Missing you
Need to haunt me again
Indifferent to breaths and
Your
Heartbeating, pulses
Starlight bright night
Cooing me to second sight
A psychic without ties to
Mischievous spirits
Collected

Sleepless. Sleeve-less
Mourning in the morning
Disorderly
Blistered and faded
Oh my god
Heavy breaths shallow
From the top of my ribs
Choked by your eyes
Sublimely wrapped up in
Your sunshine
You're awake
I'm sleeping
Dreaming for synthesis in
This dreaded night

I found a really disturbed
Individual she looks
Like me
She looks like me

I can see black candlewax
Running down your back

I cannot afford the tea in
The gated community
Snow-covered mountains and
Foo dogs
Orbs in clawed paws
Through my static lids
Shaking the snow off my sleeves
Wiping the windshield
Swerving through the street
In a stupor

The real world looked good
On me
Pristine and polished but
It felt like I was living
Someone else's dream
So
I've forgone the Kool-Aid

Dreams escape the wide-eyed
Changing from seeds to trees
Bees make the honey
And the seasons dye the leaves
Passing through the doorway
Catching on a cobweb
Guess I missed the rain
As a lay disenchanted
Like the wind that caressed my cheek
On a ledge looking down
Wondering just how high up
I was
From the wayward ground
Like a hologram-bodied shapeshifter
Only contained through rhetoric
Reappearing as a prayer in
Some medieval limerick
Thoughts splitting
The crime of spoken words
With no soul
(Judgements)
Opinions about things you don't know
You weren't at my graduation
And you won't see me marry
You picked escape over me and
For that I'm sorry
Dissappearing visions
Awake from some dream
Trying to remember the sensation of
Falling
Blistered peace in a home that's
Burning down
Dancing in the flames
Twirling like a sad clown
Like the conversation on ice
And stirred thrice for charm
Chasing after fairytale's you
Once held in your arms
It's been hard without you
You were my best friend
Looking back then looking
Forward
Hoping to see you sometime again
The cosmos freckled asteroid
Sparks
Across the walls in spray-painted
Words
Gleaming like opal shards on the
Necklaces of wandering bards
Ceasless is the silence
Bruised like a peach
Sharing my song freely to
See how far I can reach
Addicted to redemption
Quiet after the storm
When life hands you lemons
You make lemon flavored ***.

Kick it like Kerouac to
Faded road stripes
Swerving through the lanes
Across canyon days and
Mountain nights
Maybe I'll change my name
After I'm faded of my previous
Place
They'll ask where I used to stay
And I'll tell them
My home is the highway
But...
I've been in rooms with the drawers
On the the floor and
Broken glass hiding underneath
The trash
I've been in basements with chalk
On the walls and
Christmas lights lining the
Ground
I've been in backseats making out
To the radio playing
(Hits I'm still humming)
I've gone swimming in pools where my dyed hair turned Green-hued
Walked through stores with
No greater intention then to
**** time and cause mischief
I've swung myself sleepy on
Balconies in a drunken lonesome
I've parked on lookouts gazing
At the patches of lights
Scattered In my hometown and
I've drunken from hoses on the grass
In the heat when no-one was
Looking so
I'll tuck these memories in my
Heart when
No-one is looking.
For when I'm searching for freedom
On this open  road to
Everywhere,
To find life on this planet
I'll lick the stars and sing lullabies
To the angels through dazed eyes
Gas pedal to the floor.
Because see
I have a question that hasn't been
Answered and
No matter what I read
Where I go or
Whom I talk to it
Still remains
This blackhole In my skull
Dribbling as fast
As my wheels rolling to some
Absolution.

It is my theory
If it weren't for the moon
The dead would roam the earth.

You put a light on in a dark
Room when you're afraid
To keep the nightmares away.

Solace from solitudes cruel
Realizations
So small are we compared to
The dawn.

Listening
Living in between seperate
Dimensions of being
We used to swim In public
Pools and used to gaze at the
Spray-painted underground
Nakedness rampant under
The bridges of our city
We used to coo in creeks and
Make invitations to every
Kid in class to our birthday
Parties
We played with basketballs
Hula-hoops and Gameboy
But somewhere down this
Beaten road through adolescence
Somewhere beyond the socks
For presents on
Christmas
We became taller and hairier.
Shaped crystals from diamond
Mines
And life gave us something to
Unwind
A music box for a wandering mind
To speak our truth
To speak you're soul
Disguised as a bruised indifference
Or an overt lunacy somedays
(Seems plausible on sleepless
Nights, insomniac-like In
Cemented rooms that turn so cold
In Autumn.)
But our truth is our sanity
Which must be uttered In
Amazement
Even as some hookah caterpillar
Is blowing smoke
Trying to convince you you're
Crazy
Maybe the caterpillar is only lazy
And trying to be a marmot.

Days I'm hungover I
Can't eat, although
That hardly matters
In a world of gunpowder
Saturated with wonder and
Coughing through the
Taciturn caricatures I
Encounter.
I'm up at all hours:
Cracking my neck.
Swollen eyes.
Soar throat.
My tongue explores the crevices
Between my teeth
In my mouth
I sit for forever it seems...
Mocking the changes I need to
Make in my life-
And other people's lives.
Wishing for swift heeled
Destiny
To begin everywhere, all
At once.
Misplacing time.
Running out of time.
In a rush that grabs this city
In the early hours of
Restless ramblings and
Empty crossroads that sit
Traffic-less;
Where do we all hide at night?
The quiet.
A moonless shade of pale black
Across the eyes of the sky
That makes me feel like an ant.

Bedecked with a halo of dreamy
Daffodils
Cooing Dracula from the windowsill
With legs outstretched
Sensless to feel precious
To someone you
Just met
Jagged fingernails tapping
On the back of my neck.
Lymph nodes rotting in
The sunshine with the
Whistles dripping down my
Boney spine
Cars crashing on Sunday afternoon
And the milkman is late
Head hung low in the steam room
As we evaporate.
Pieces in contrast thrown
Together in Frankenstein
Dimensions.
Taken apart like an insect upon
Inspection
From some schoolboy.
Try to string myself together
As my seams start to combust
To make myself over as
Someone who can trust
Sharp concoction of spider satin
Caused my sheen to waver
The skin has wrinkled and been
Discarded on the floor
Disheveled as some records in an
Old tin drawer.
Without passion
Lifeless to lie about the
Surrounding hypocrisy
Shatters the storm colored skies
The dark days trapped in
My ribcage
Breathing deeper so
Sunken in by the daybreaks
Careful gaze
Sinking deeper into the
Toll buses swollen chairs.
Blushes shaken awake
By the rues of
Translucent eyes
Alike the gleaming orb of the
Werewolf's demise.
Gawking into a
Crystal ball struggling to forsee
The oncoming chill of November
Why November?
Among the ****** empty spaces
Among the smosh pit parade as
If misplaced in fields of *****.

I resemble a vampire
Just alienated from the
Human race
The years of unfulfilled schemes
Written upon my face
I seek out a safe space by an
Acid lake where I can lye
Awake, dreaming.
(The howls of the busy ether
Dissipate softly)
I'll dip my toe in the acid lake
And hallucinate forest sprites
Dancing on an acid lake
My eyes will roll to the back of my
Head and I'll remember once more
That I'm not dead
I'll tread to where the cement turns
To red-dust and the dirt will kick up
With remnants of surrounding bonfires charcoal black on the smoky ground
Echoes of laughter will hang in the air where only bears and mountain
Lions find home
I'll roam alone by the acid lake that looks placid by day but turns a
Vivid sheen by night.
I'll tell no one of my secret place
And hold my tongue when people
Wonder why my dilated pupils seem
To wander.
And why I resemble a vampire.

In the city streets where
The populace is excessive
There is a restless buzz
Folks flock like moths to flames
Yearning for the smog to
Burn brilliant holes in their lung
The immediacy
The newstands
Springing into the bustle
Is akin to a sunflower
Blooming from within
The dank earth
Like a potion that promises
Immortality
A deal that tastes like kinship with
The source of life itself
Reflected back by yield signs and
Neon lights flashing on the pavement

My displays are astounding
I regress to an infants zeal
Because I hate everything around me
And need to tell you how I feel
Tell you things of sugar rain
And crystal  mines of lore
Cuddle my ribs with pure disdain
As my body washes to the shore
Hey man little village
Hey ya the leaves are brown
Hey man the trees are changing
Hey ya they're falling down
Symposiums with the fey are symptomatic of enchantment
(Or insanity)
Seeing beyond a day
Of desolute drudgery
The eyes in my head keep assuming I am dead
(Those whispers from the back of my head)
And the fear of living is the wound of
Re-living what another might have
Said.
Hey man little village
Hey ya the leaves are brown
Hey man the trees are changing
Hey ya they're falling down
Crickets outside are singing so
Sleepless nights feel less lonely
Cannot decipher which side of me
Is dreaming when I'm awake till
Early morning.
Hey man little village
Hey ya the leaves are brown
Hey man the trees are changing
Hey ya they're falling down.

Words are only words but cause her stomach to turn.
She will not keep silent what belies
Within her
Unduly saturated by emotions.
The vast depths of her despair are as
Unequivocally beholden as
Her coarse sensations of elated gratitude
Lady Liberty with her French countenance
Fails to gleam as vividly.

Somber dreams drifting away now-
Away from the spirits rummaging
Around,
From the ceaseless beckoning outside my window, and
From the daily toil of mortal coil.
A peace collapses my lids now
Soft as a satin feather.
While I lye inside my
Sapphire tower I escape from
The happenings when my
Eyes close as dew drops slide
Down the stained glass of
Saints and sinners whom wander alone
Dilated pupils over
Cursed lips singing along to a sirens
Song far off to those sunken ships.

Flushed thoroughly by
The sink, lukewarm
My face a weathered apricot
Pore-scape.
Mirror twisted like a landslide
Hushed glances
I'm bitten by miscellaneous pupils
And iris'
Widen'ed like copulation
Given honeydew twilight hours
Shaken estranged to breath cold and thick like smoke.
Crossing over-incarnated
Begrudgingly.
A longing for Rococo
And VW buses.

Doomed sailboat
Unyielded to by the sea
Sprinkling a crystal trail of
Opaque-blue under the moonlight
Last I saw of it that night or
Anynight since.

He's far away.
I miss his eyes
His gossamer lies and
How he listened when I cried.
I wanted to feel a
Semblance of something real
I can't care anymore for
What slipped out the door.
I dreamed we could be
Together forever
I believed
But there's not much to say except
He's far away and
Made a darkness out of day
So should I feel sad and
That **** gets really bad
I'll sleep and drink off
What I had now that
He's far away.

Edward  Scissorhand fingers
Bruise my supple skin.
I choke back my protests
And softly speak my words
I must like you to break my rules;
Pink floyd playing.
Like sockets well placed
I've never felt this way
Stop pushing me away