My hand right there Isn't really there,
Seems like one with the air around me.
I swallow,
A lump of empty hits my heart hard.
I'm not in control;
"Control" feels like a lie.
Who am I?
Crying, sighing, sadness, madness,
Perception shifts, universal fits;
Can't escape disappearing,
In come creeping suicidal feelings.
Thoughts lost, wisdom tossed aside;
I pick at myself,
Suspicious of me.
Am I deceiving myself?
These impressions and sensations
Burn and cut me;
Just Leave me alone!!!
Sometimes I wonder..
Whom Is this being that Is speaking;
Is this me?
Save me from me.
Please?

The shaman of anti culture.
Fractured ox jaw
Beating on stretch'ed drums.
Wolf countenanced headdresses and
Bells and iron trinkets swish from tie-dye stripped cloaks.
Orphan to the world and
Distilled soul'ed;
Spitting alcohol over a bonfire.
(The snake being charmed is also the snake-charmer.)
Mystical uttering of
Revelations lingering
In an incandescent shell.

Swarthy pinning trapped to rooms as
Decoration;
Those idols of style and combustion.
Where is the Prometheus of our age?
We command nature to bypass us on
Our way to the meeting
Where we ask the snow to melt as
It's falling
And the Oceans became too full of wreckage
To host its own kin.
What will the generations yet to come say of this day, and this
Night?
Maybe we are more bruised in our understanding
Than any Neanderthal
Who had survived those Winter's for us;
Just so we could feign away the elements...

Here I sit...
Same feeling again
Like a bittersweet memory.
I'm my own worst enemy
I wish I cared for someone
Like one shot too many;
My rush when I wake up...
I'm always the "other" boy:
Nothing special; I just love everyone.
Is It possible to feel so much you feel numb?
Where's my one and only gone?
Am I far away;
Floating on the waves?
Will someone reach out to me and
Make me feel like I'm home;
How frostbitten I have become
Like glass,
Like a sadness I cant repair alone.
In the dark I roam
Like a dim candle searching and
Yearning...
For someone to call my own.

Give me your left pale palm!
( Left palm always )
Heart lines and life lines
You have a (wrinkled) square!
Seems like a fire hand to me;
I have an air hand myself...
Your very wealthy, or
You have the potential to become so..
Your still learning evolutionary lessons regarding
What true wealth is
I feel like...
Your mother figure? She seems sad..
He nodded and understood..
He nodded and explained..
I have revealed many things via
Intuition! And
If we weren't too drunk and high
he'll remember my crystal predictions!
His exuberant face trembled at truth;
"He almost knew me"!!!

My nose is sniffing
Back air breezed nights to sleep while
My arm goes numb;
Numb as death!
Shake it off! Wake it up!
Making obeisance to my restless findings before
Leaving them at the pier.

No silence In my soul only
A yodeling, fierce as a bruise,
Sounding similar as drowning
Infants crying for help.
I'm so like an orphan...
Does he love me and
Is he certain?

Do my *****-soaking in ash-bitten dawns arise
From a need for pleasure..?
Or maybe-
Out of an endless hunger?
I remember feeling human,
But now I am magnified!
Saddened by life and
Its incoherent dribble in my skull.

Forgotten sigil's of peace
Or love or war,
Or that thing mistaken as peace or
Love or war: Desire!
Swelling till its
Broken glass In abdomens;
Liken it to freckled sunshine
Through blinds on drunken binge mornings
And I'm not so quiet...
( Not still yet...)

I'm racing around tracks in my
Wavering mind...
Like quicksilver.
I'm laid bare as bones on pedestals,
Memories juxtaposed; my lips trembling and
Saying words without comprehending...
Mechanical;
Not one conversation bringing comfort of mind to me.

Punching erosion's  into barren walls
Just to awaken a feeling
Of vitality-
That does not seem to exist anywhere;
That Isn't in anyplace I go!
I weep dewdrops of gardenia and  
Spew lost-caused visions before my time;
Misplaced as shadows in spring

I breathe....I whisper.....
Having secrets.
Volcanoes inflamed, dashing asunder
In his eyes!
(Which I can take-In like photographs-
Like Picasso paintings, almost. )
Gazing into my pain
Like a petal gathering rain;
Red-blue sirens In the drench'ed Earth.

I tried, I failed. But I
Still live and I still prevail!
Shot down In beguiling
Visions, (on tea leaves)
Lye's my mission; Unknown.
Felt like a wind on the curb where
We sit like a
Voice only I conceive of-
And its going to be all alright, I reckon after all.

This being
That's Forgotten, with feeling,
Among words and
Remembered in pictures;
Mistaken as something
Other than himself.
Digging deeper into the volume of his petty mistakes;
At a home smoking a hash pipe,
Imagining all at once
With his splintered third eye:
Dragons and chimeras.
Smoke screens and warpaint.
Red plume warriors on red sailed
Boats to islands
Where sorceress' haunt;
Purple hued hearts galore by the
Sea.

Distributed.
Broken pieces.
My soul unsheath'es;
Shattered pieces
Of glass around my home.
I'm alone, as always, torn
On brightened Wednesdays .
Pieces of him lingered: His cologne,
His scent now a meager
Descent.
I'm dazzled by his long-
Remembered brilliance!
Silent as an iguana, mismatched
In a broken melancholia.