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Meeks Jan 2013
It's funny
you were there the whole time
right in front of my face
I talked to you everyday
(even when I told myself I wouldn't)
as you supported my ever crumbling
self.
Reluctant in giving me up
or giving up on me
as half the time I was half blinded
-doubting
-second guessing
feeding myself uncertainties
while believing the lies of others.
Yet you remained here
through it all
after everything I've ever
engulfed into your life.
-pain
-heartache
swept into your life without warning
the empty words that secretly
were teeming with a truth even I hid from myself
but I knew it deep down.
I really did.
And I thought about it a lot
(thought about you a lot)
and yes, there you are
in front of me smiling, still here
after all that I put you through
holding my hand beside me
and finally, I see it
and it is mine
and I've never been happier.
Meeks May 2012
A frigid breeze
cloaks the profile
of my form
shaves the contours
of my face
electrifies the capacity
of my lungs
in a bare blackness
of a night animated
by casted
stars.
Meeks May 2012
The ugly within
         is framed in gold
a picture-perfect monster
              dressed and poised
                          to ****
Meeks Dec 2012
Please stand down from
what-ifs and the
should-haves.
Toská.
Meeks Mar 2013
I want to eat an injection
taste the insanity of the host
savor the anxiety
relish the intensity
of the addiction
of every fiber in my being
pulling
almost ripping through my skin
clawing towards
the insatiable screaming
for more
Meeks Feb 2013
Not felt anymore
when it's released into my system
it's there
the results still attend
but what used to feel so grand
now contends it's very process
catches me by surprise
and sprouts my chronic hatred
that has developed for
this shameful frame
Meeks Dec 2012
Bounty on your head
Don't judge me
it's 2 a.m
and it's about time
for electric luxuries
than the ghost who treads
in the whitest of  valleys
Meeks Feb 2013
Unattended
please disregard
my altered announcements
are extended
because understanding the reason
is not something I recall
and I'm too far gone
absent
I fall
into normality
conflicted in the frictioned chaos
it is implied
but unspoken
Meeks Dec 2012
I can't keep battling this
staring from below
from designer candles
clawing up wax walls of
robust denial.
Screaming for ascension
to disguise the integrity
of rudimentary expectations
lacking a manageable approach,
but have you noticed lately?
I'm only human
and my actions are just as so.
Meeks Jul 2012
Take to the rhythm like blood to white
The right to write what I want
The flight from flight to height
Basically from the bottom to the tip
Top tip my top off and hope the hearts
not too hot
Memories fade, thoughts rot
Full conversations condensed
to abbreviated talk
You can see it when I walk
Memory shocked, my brains been
rocked
Too bad I forgot what I was taught
inside my mind fought
To remember but
my brains dismembered
I shouldn't've tampered with
the humane thermostat
just left
I evidently woke up in the middle of the night and jotted this down and went back to sleep, because I woke up and it was written and in my hand writing and wasn't there before I went to sleep
Meeks Nov 2011
You-
                          Or what I can reach
                               Of you-
                            Is cold under my
                                              fingers. Hard
                                                            ­  and unforgiving
                                                     ­ and I can’t grasp,
                                             my hands just slide.
                                                     Anxiety.
                                             And I
                                                      bang.
   ­                                               Fist.
            ­                              And
                                            screams.
           ­                             Mouth words
                                              “read my lips”
                                                         Desperate.
                                                      ­           Distant.
                                                        ­            Plead, cry, my hands
                                                           ­    Numb and lungs
                                                        Abu­sed with the effort
                                                           And I slowly
                                                 Realize
 ­                                             That if I don’t
                                        Break this                   barrier
                                          There’s no way in
                                                 Hell
                                   You’ll ever hear me
Meeks Dec 2012
I really couldn't
decide what was supposed
to occur, but I realize
the fact that in a crowded
room, I will constantly be searching
for those eyes that hide what is
actually happening behind
that mask and inside the
stashed away parts that are
in fact true and pure.
Yupp, it's sadly true. Is this wrong of me?
Meeks May 2012
We are waiting
We are watching
We are waiting
to end everything

We have a plan
for disaster
a recipe for
exclusion

The infection is
spreading
to our hearts
and our minds

We are watching
We are installed
We are watching
In an instilled horror

We are poisoned
by our own
futile hopes
and silly dreams

Hemlock tastes the way
It should;
Like death and disaster
With a peculiar hint of dedication

We are installed
We are enthralled
We are installed
In this idiosyncratic world

We step forth and expand
Blame it all on
The vendetta on
our youth

We are killing
each other slowly
to prepare
for the newest end
Meeks Dec 2012
Show your skills, rippled shoe strings
that stretch across your hi def reach
ringing bells of desperation
as ridicule infests your lungs.
Rip open the box to reveal sunshine trivials
dabbled with stationed wagons
filled to the brim with newspaper quantams
and this fear to breath.
Reapers hold, besides revival,
and conjure greatness with health adjourned
bring yourself to shame
unadorned
prepare for this standpoint
and persistent sins
Bye
Meeks Mar 2013
Bye
If I pass out
I deeply apologize
I'm here as my body let's me
poor choices
and bad ideas
they're reinging their way into me
through me
it's crazy
I have to go soon I think
it's happening
it's got me shaky
and scared as hell
what do I do?
bye
Meeks Jan 2014
I snapped my shoudler
back and apart
my girlfriend's a schizophrenic
and I'm shy to sandcastles
The crank lost it's last *****
a one person axe yard
because he's married to smokes
though the cutest couple
goes to Columbia and Magenta
as Batman's into bandanas
so put one on the handle
though a wrist will be as good as plenty
as the campfire fades away
with gentlemen of sorts
August 2nd, 2013
Meeks Dec 2012
You cheat on me with
them and lie to me
about it. It makes
me want to throw up.
It makes me hate
myself deeply. It brings
back memories that are
disgusting.
Hurt.
Abuse.
Suffocating.
That's how it used to be.
"Swallow!"
Harshly said, because
they hate you, and so
do the rest.
Cough. It's infecting
my lungs as well.
You shouldn't exist. Stick
out your tongue and we'll
put this lit demon
out on it. Taste the
defection and the ash. Feel
the burn. Enjoy the
hatred and sick
pleasure they take in
the action of the cause.
We know it's wrong
and we choose to look
past these pains. Selfish affect
effects our better selves.
How does that feel in your
stomach? It felt depressing
as they force slid it down
my throat
in all literal terms.
They laughed. And
yelled. Development of
a physical sickness in my
insides and in my
mind. Make this stop. Please,
stop... Why can't you choose
me over them? No one has
ever chosen me over it all.
I can't deal with this cycle.
I can't remember. Something
will have to change.
Meeks Oct 2011
We can run together in a reality of our own,
Built upon the notion that such one can exist,
Chasing white rabbits with golden pocket chained watches,
We can see were the wild things are
And ask all the questions we’ve hidden sheepishly under our beds.
We can open closet doors and discover new adventures,
Greeted by a lamppost which we can light by hand,
Matches burning to reflect what we see,
As we peer in awe into the looking glass.
We exist together, forever and always,
Finding out who’s on top of that small speck of dust,
Confronting him with a “Why hello there young mister!”
And then bid him a polite adieu.
Tip our top hats to mystery men in monocles,
Slow dance in the rain as if not a drop will strike us,
As devious cats watch gleefully with sly smiles,
We turn gracefully in time to the cadence of the storm.
This place is one we can escape to,
The ladder into the land of many,
Somewhere we can call our own,
And exist as if this can mean to be,
Where men hide behind their mustaches
And children gallivant in their sand castle worlds,
But we can simply stay here, my dear,
Among what can be perceived as basic and unforgiving,
But that’s the way the cards are dealt to us,
And we make do.
Here we can exist as we are meant to be.
Featured in my schools annual magazine
Meeks Dec 2012
When you tossed across my chest
nails as sharp as words
they cut rifts into our clavicles
spouting ruthless tension
on top of broken hearts
while restricting these wired lungs.
Meeks Apr 2012
Stunned, she whispered,
       *"It is like I'm combing
                through fire."
For Hannah
Meeks Feb 2013
I want to drink your eyes to sleep
cause a brawl in your brain
delete pardon me
and rejoice modern afterthought
repeat and push off the cliff
Meeks Dec 2012
I want to be immersed in the emotion
I want to feel it as it gasps from within your throat
revealed, shocked just as I'd be
scared, but sure of it's riveting truth
when you speak those words to me.
Meeks Mar 2013
It's felt
it's prickling my skin
tiny jabs
remember what you need?
It ruptures a ruckus
in the confines of prudence
it catapults a cacophony
of malice at my brain.
It's a barrage of unwanted emphasis
a fierce and hot tension
erupting a desire
unrivaled and distinct
melting my insides
into a puddle of hate
Meeks Jan 2013
I looked into your eyes today
as we sat in brown plastic chairs
like we do every Tuesday,
routine to discussion and group.
In that moment, my head lost itself
completely
spinning into a state that I find
leaves me feeling content.
All that came out of my mouth
was the absence of words,
and fumbling to think straight
I look away in a strange and rushed silence.
did we really just make eye contact?
and I gripped your hand tighter
as I simultaneously fought memories
that battle me relentlessly
assured though
that I'm not alone with this
and how I crave another dance with you
in the rain.
Meeks Dec 2012
You said you cared, it's
all ******* so why the ****
do I even try?
Meeks Dec 2012
Throwing up rainbows
of memories now
I just don't know what to feel right now.
Falling from euphoria
"I'm fine" is the simplest statement.
You've got to make the best of it.
Would you please clap your hands?
All dolled up
we're all gonna die
this scientific illustration
is telling us to lend a sitting ovation
as in other news
nostalgic nonsense
as people all over the world hold hands
Meeks Nov 2012
I'm waiting for you
since this early morning
where the night still is
and what is is still not here.
The lovely loner
cocooned in the sheets
and masked shame with
lies to share.
Your awful vagueness
and broken words
cuts in the air beside my head.
My chest screams for assurance
why won't you give it to me?
You claim it's all alright
but your eyes shift in ways
that make my heart panic.
Why are you doing this to me?
Meeks Jan 2013
I set our elephants alight
witnessing as their cores dripped
as fire warmer their bellies.
I was hoping that maybe that fire
It'd reach their hearts
and all over their body they'll
feel the warmth, the tingling
sensation, maybe
they can have that,
maybe it could transfer
on.
Say something
reveal something
a warmth I tried to achieve today
by taking a scalding shower
to where my skin hurt
all over
and all I was causing was more pain.
Nothing compares to the warmth
of the elephants heart
and nothing compares to the warmth
of your touch,
the love of your heart
not a thing even comes remotely
close.
Meeks Feb 2013
I had a love affair blistering
in my heart
for a good few months
it was rapacious
unrelenting
invigorating
overwhelming
to the point where it captivated
my thoughts all the longest of whiles
of all the moments of current
and past regards
it came and went
in waves and spurts
each extending its stay
deepening its way into myself
and now I wake up in the mornings
look at myself in the true sense
a conscious so clear
and a heart so pure
clean of doubt
this is what I wanted
and it's still such that way
it came true
Meeks Mar 2013
Revisiting the reels
inside my head
as astute ears listen
behind cages of glass.
Sinking my toes into the sand
watching the sun climb
the social ladder
(within nature)
higher
higher still
Meeks May 2013
Deaden
eat the anesthetic
immobilize
you've swallowed the sickness
tense
and digest
realize
the condition is terminal
if you keep on
this prosthetic infection
numb
gone to affection
substantial reality
unfeigned
you're taking wired
deceit
and tainted
addictive
lies
hollow promises
that fade out
and two time your eyes
that engorge in getting progressively
horrendous
planting a holocaust within your
insides
that hurts
that stains
that agonizes
the many around you
those few close to you
ripping them up
destroying that one that would do anything
for you
their lives
and yes you too
it doesn't forget
it can't
it takes it all into account
even when you don't
when you can't
it gleefully watches the struggle
the diseased suffering
and you keep on trekking that
self destructive trail
in the midst of a mist
so unsure
and insecure
keeping you grounded
in a life that's actually not
and it's turning those
in sequence
to actually nots
recall?
but you don't
or can't
who can tell?
but
instead of ruining
this real world
live what's actually there
face it
with them
and yourself
as just yourself
even with the little
painsake mistakes
there's a
glistening future ahead
refine time
to be here
awake
nothing else
but you
alive
Meeks Feb 2013
I need an exit
when the plan goes according to
thought
recount
let's not rot
what's this?
Dropping milk
I want to sing
bring people to community
to know what it means
when eyes enter states
and pupils dilate
it's somewhere far away
I believe it
to be true
do I have to say it?
I'm sure it's read
in the lines between the
words I hoard in
cavernous is this cage
and it's in position
stiff with tense
anticipation
three squeezes
says it all
Meeks Dec 2012
My name is a mosh pit
I'm a charming wreck
stick to your guns
and shoot me now while you have the chance
or forever hold your peace
as you stuff that handkerchief
back into your pocket.
Bullets astray
as eyes are locked and loaded
chained to this moment
like a prisoners redemption.
I shout between shackles
and next tomorrows resolutions
*"If looks could ****, baby,
you'd cause a holocaust with each glance."
Meeks Jan 2013
Lost and empty. To
you, is this what was
expected?
What passes as
hurting me less?
Because right now
I feel like I'm rotting,
the pain is eating me
from the inside out,
and with you, I
felt so amazing
and alive.
I felt whole.
Meeks Jan 2014
It's nice to be more than just a sound bite
when it's the same song
everywhere you go

filling up ears and music bars
hearts encased with waves
emptying out pages and mason jars
out into the streets

brim this to the top of the alley
sideways glance at the telly
cracks and photographs aplenty  
this one is going to be a riot
for sure
Meeks Feb 2013
I remember when it was too hot to sleep
and life was a bright mixture of the nostalgia
the longing for more
but the satisfaction in knowing the dreams
they are there
and here the fools are abroad
and loaders among the scene
everlasting falls of existence
and the rises are continuous in their
sly factions and ridiculous convictions
but we cannot break what is not ours
inherit the backlash of a revolution intertwined
and sleep with a volume tonight
Meeks Mar 2013
State of dreaming
guidelines as a slave
to suffice the engagements
of those who find it unsavory
when it it altered
and known otherwise as
free willed
tactics
Meeks Mar 2013
Excuse me sir
the mirrors talk
and in this hole
they say you can reach a million
that you can stir wonder in many
but it's cheap entertainment
really though
it's all in good fun
I say it's just a start
Meeks Oct 2011
It's cruel -- it's a duel, as far back as I can remember, I've always been the
dual. My body can't keep up with my soul, it's my sharpest
tool. I'm detached from my own lives
and experiences, they are
suspended in the future, and constantly craving; instead of the
road signs I see cutlery driving me, the deadliest,
reminding me of my insatiable appetite for more. To
the end of my every hallway we venture, there's just another door to lead.
Meeks Nov 2012
Your jawline is killing me.
Stop.
Promise.
One word.
A revelation of meaning.
I want to tell you
everything.
Meeks Oct 2011
Skies metallic love
Drowns out-- rusted down because
Below is above
Meeks Jan 2013
I shed more tears this
night and day, more than the sum
since I first met you
Meeks Jan 2013
I'm only trying
to navigate this death trap
known to be myself
Meeks Nov 2012
hindsight is twenty-
twenty, especially with
rose-tinted glasses
Yes, Inspired from something
Meeks Nov 2012
I continue to
breathe, my heart to beat, but not
a thing more than that
Meeks Nov 2012
Innocence was once
remembered and simply left
to breed and mutate.
Meeks Dec 2012
What you said tonight
feels empty, like you don't mean
it or feel it. Lies.
Meeks Dec 2012
I hate when my sheets
smell like you at all of the
most hurtful moments
Meeks Dec 2012
I only dream of
your innocence tracing my
skin like it used to
Meeks Dec 2012
You reek of the stained
memories that will never
cease attacking me
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