Lighthouse,
…
I’ve sat in this darkness for ages.
My eyes are gone and I can’t speak,
Every breath is a rattle in my ribs.
Hands can’t move.
Legs are crippled.
My spine hasn’t sat right for years.
My fingers were chewed off only days ago,
By the rats that haunt my sleep.
Upon this rock I’ve stayed,
Every stone in my backside is proof.
The ocean, thick and navy blue,
Licks at the remains of my toes.
I used to stare at the starless sky,
Before my eyes were gouged out.
And I’d sing the sad songs,
That played out everything I was feeling,
To whatever listened from below.
With pain still familiar,
As I am eaten alive,
Everything is a routine.
I never sleep,
I never eat,
All I can do is breathe.
There’s this delicious sensation,
Said to carry me away.
I’ll wait for it, don’t you worry.
The days are long,
Though I have no sun.
The nights are even slower,
Because I’ve lost my moon and stars.
Something surprised me, early one morning.
And for a brief midst,
I wondered if the largest rat found me.
Light penetrated deep through me;
I was flooded with warmth.
I even felt myself be lifted into the air!
Shimmering “stars” were mine to hold.
Tumbling around on empty space,
I never did cry out for help.
It felt as though God had found me,
On this dark, hidden shore of the dead.
But things end,
And water dries out,
And light fades away,
As well.
I was startled (and maybe awoken)
As I suddenly crashed to the ground.
“Dear God, what did I do?!” I wished I could cry out,
But not a word left my mouth.
Later on, when time had seemed to lapse into silence,
And I was given the essence
That a clock never ticked,
I figured it out.
What had lifted me up,
What had shown me the
Light I’d lost,
Even if I was without eyes,
What had sent music into
My ragged ears,
Was the lighthouse on
The very far shore.
I was sure it was the
Gate-way to heaven,
And even, in its few seconds
Of freedom,
If it could not raise me to
God,
I would remain here in this
Gloomy, bleak place
For—
You are my Lifehouse …