tonight i looked up into the night sky...and i saw how lucky i am to be alive.
how is it we can see so much in the dark? i saw myself looking back at me.
too far for my own mind to follow.
i thought of spinning around in circles...of history repeating itself.
i thought of seeds sprouting and people dying.
i thought of my body and it's weakness. i saw my strength and resilience.
i thought of living long after i leave this place.
returning to dust and earth. sinking into the deep and floating off into the nothingness.
i thought of the wondrous nothingness. so enormous with purpose.
too far for my own light to follow.
to venture as far as to fade into future and pass into past.
i saw myself looking back at me.
i saw my eyes weathered with age and wisdom.
i saw my heart playful as ignorance. foolish with curiosity.
i knew that from this moment i would not fear death.
for i saw in the dark that i shall never perish.
i saw my return to the night. my return to the dust.
the beautiful beginning end. i saw it begin so long ago.
i knew all along that i could not fear life.
i saw in the dark that i shall always shine brightly.
i saw the gorgeous truth of the extraordinary coincidences.
i thought of my mother and her strength and care.
i thought of my father's photograph... and the life that he lived in my pocket.
i saw him looking down upon me. shining brightly as i would.
i saw myself turning in circles.
i thought of turning...turning...turning into him.
this is such a beautiful place. such a lovely breath of air.
so enormous with purpose.
each one will venture as far as to fade into future and pass into past.
i thought of the last inhale.
i knew at that moment that time has been kind to me.
i thought of holding my breath.
i dreamt of keeping the last thing this world would give me.
i saw myself shimmer like light on the water. i saw myself leaving and coming back.
i knew that in the briefest of moments i would last for eternity.
i saw myself in everyone else. i saw us all fighting for air.
i thought of us spinning around in circles...of history repeating itself.
tonight i looked up into the night sky...and i saw how lucky we are to be alive.

I am a poem on a piece of paper...
folded into an airplane and tossed across a room.                              
No one saw it pass by, or had the chance to read it.
No one realized or understood.                                      
For that brief moment, though...i flew.
The air in the room passed through its folds, and lifted me upward.              
There was pressure from above, pushing down on its fragile wings.
The two opposing forces, acting against one another.
For a short time it was beautiful.  
It was chaos.  It was stability.
It was my whole life.                                          
It was everything I’ll ever know.  It was everything I never knew.
It was faux.  It was true.  
I wonder sometimes if it landed safely.
Did it crash into the corner, somewhere underneath the bed?
Do the words on the page mean the same thing they did?
Open it.  You tell me...is one and one and one, still three?
Am I living or dying?  Am I grinning?  Smiling?
Are they just as much different as they are the same?
Am I just as much tested, as playing a game?
I feel it all pointless.  I hope the words change.                                                          I pray all the letters redact and betray.
Let the trees be the grass.  Let the deserts run dry.
Let the heartaches be clean breaks, and beggars deny.
I am convinced now I wrote this.   I can’t recall why.
I guess the means to an end made my first the last try.
the one and only time...
Like the time I fell down for a decade in love…
turning out to be time simply splitting us up.
Like the road through the forest that cut through the trees…
the journey to safety is dangerous indeed...
For that brief moment, though…we  choose.
We go left.  We go right.  We stay still.  We confuse.
There is pressure from everywhere.   Pressure to decide.
Will I crash to the bottom?  Will this work?  Will it fly?
For a short time it will be beautiful.
two opposing forces, acting against one another.                                  
my whole life.  everything I ever did.
everything I will ever do. It was me.
It was us.  she and him. we were them.
it was anyone, everyone.
it was no one.  
it was the flight.
the line of sight.
which makes a wishful thinking pilot light.  
Catch a flame.
Five-alarm.
The words that I wrote
They must have meant harm.  
I wasn't thinking it risky
drinking whisky
houses burned to the ground.  The plane... never found.
Heated words never read.
Heavy things never said.
I've always known how to fly far away...but never known how to land...how to stay.
So I write...fold...and hide.
So I never have to see the light...
          .... of day.

a creature of night, a red eye flight.
a fight with wrong for what ‘feels’ right
a laugh at tears in disbelief
i know. i care. i love. defeat.
a weeping willow’s broken branch
a call to arms. a battle stance.
a float along a river bend
i think. i listen. i make pretend.
history. mystery. his story. her story.
bone breaking. head splitting. heart breaking. score keeping.
the music of life to the tempo of time
the times of my life to the rhythm of rhymes
I’ve loved and felt loved in the heat of the moment
i hurt and i’ve healed through a weathered atonement
the glancing blow. the arrow. the bow.
the f hole. the cleft soul. the square peg. the dog bowl.
a prayer to somebody. anybody. all bodies.
lay with me. stay with me. lonely and made weary.
sunsets and good mornings.
thunderstorm warnings.
inclement. consequent. reverent.
I never meant to…

she keeps me.
she kept me awake tonight.
tonight i keep thinking only of her.
tonight i kept dreaming only of nothing...
wishing tonight would bring me to her.
bring her to me.
bring us together...
tomorrow i'm leaving.
i'm leaving today behind me.
the future will keep me
the past has kept me away...
away from myself.
tonight i am thinking.
tonight i am dreaming of leaving.
leaving is the only way.....
tomorrow i'll tell her.
tomorrow i'll tell her myself
tomorrow i'll say to myself, "goodbye"
tomorrow i'll say to her myself "goodbye"
i'll tell her "goodbye" to myself as i'm leaving
i'll tell her the only way i know how
she will hear nothing
she will feel nothing
i fear that is the only way.
the only way to tell her the only way i know how
silence tonight
silence tomorrow
silence forever
i am leaving in silence...once and for all
"goodbye"