The thoughts are like bullets.
The ones that carry your name.
There are enough to continuously
entertain this sick brain like a bane.

It is all so bizarre.

Sometimes I´m in the trench,
trying to fight their clench.
But sometimes they come out of the blue,
kinda just like you, if only you knew.

The fronts are stale and the days feel pale.
My actions seem of little avail on this trail.
Besides, I can´t seem to find rest anywhere.
Maybe it´s because you are way over there.

And I am right here,
reliving an old nightmare.

Reminds me of boot camp, and crying rain.
The hours before the exam, the inexplicable pain.
Gazing eyes. Gaping smiles upon the wall.
A continuous fall, this war zone brawl.

Is working to lessen pain,
like working for pleasure?

Is working to lessen grief,
like working for happiness?

And, where exactly was the line?
It can´t be that far behind.

At least I don´t remember
ever stepping over it.

I know that I was fine before it all became torn.
I was fine before this world was reborn.

I know that I was fine before.
Before skies in human eyes were devised.

I knew that I was fine before.
Before life and death started,
knocking on my door.

Not today. Please.

Do you ever listen to the sounds your head makes?
Did you ever listen for the one in the back
while you were in the black?

Don't underestimate them, dearest reader.

I knew that I was fine before.
I that was before
that I fine
no more.

Oh, no, no, don't leave me alone lonely now
If you loved me how'd you never learn?
Oh, colored crimson in my eyes.
One or two or three of four.
Or five. Never enough.

Til the end it feels so rough.

Fading out again.
Fading in again.
Fading out again.

Just fading.

your eyes thought me capable
capable of receiving your love
capable of being beautiful in your eyes

every glance of yours
every true sigh of yours
gives me undescribable feelings

feelings you made a throne for in my heart
feelings i still dont know if i deserve
feelings i still dont know the origin of

or the direction of
the little things you do

your smile when you see me
your eyes when they want to speak the unspeakable
your hands that warm me
your soul

surrounding me.

you.
thank you
for being you

So one of the reasons she could never be with me,
was that I was a fool, a tool and totally not cool.
I'm a lost lover, refusing to play the game.
I'm a good boy, lame and tame.
Through and through.

But I never really got through to you, did I?
I just slowly painted myself into an icy corner.
While the floor was lava, and the ceiling caught fire.
Burning almost as brightly as my desire to be gone.
But to my great regret,

life isn't done with me yet.

By the vastness of the sea I plead:
Oh flower of May, do not go away.
But sow your seed right here,
in the safety of my soft clay.
I promise, it will endure
more than a winters day.

And surely I know that the heart is a fickle thing.
It constantly desires what's beyond its reach,
and desire itself is known for its beseech.
Like the sea: Rivers may flow into it,
and rain may pour down.
Yet no true satisfaction
will ever be found
on this ground.

But it's within the glaciers of my soul I am bound to you.
And the soul is unchanging, eternal and true.
It's what gives its cup, the heart, its color.
And what gives your eyes their splendor.
And it's the might in the lion's roar.
It's the very core of our being.
It is the seeing.

But if you should come to doubt my sincerity.
Then let me share with you, my clarity:
I know that the die has been tossed,
Rubicon has already been crossed.

The door back is long lost.
Its key has been flung into a sea
whose width is like the width of life,
whose depth is like the depths of death.

And this was done at my soul's own behest.
Moreover, I was not the only doer, we were three.
But only those who can truly see will agree with me,
regarding the Vastness of the Sea.