I'd like to light up your life,
Because my body next to yours couldn't feel any more right.
I wanna make you happier than you've ever felt before,
I'm the most real person you could meet, and you melt my heart right down to the core.
But I still sleep on the floor,
I never got used to having much more,
Scrapes, bruises, muscles so sore.

I'll always admit to my drinking,
Tis a problem in need of some serious fixing,
But I've only had 2 bottles of wine,
And yea, I may have forgot to sit down and dine
But this moment is one I don't want to leave,
Even though I'm younger, and can be sometimes naive.

When I awoke this morning, I dreamt of your skin,
How good it felt on my lips, how bad it made me want to sin.
Why does your body feel so good on mine?
It makes me feel so ******* safe, so blissful, so fine.
Sun spilling over your quirky smile,
With your hands on mine; I hadn't felt this good in a while.

When it comes to battle scars, yours may even outnumber mine,
From the inside out, everything was not always fine.
But our mannerisms collide; must be some kind of sign,
I see so much wisdom in your dark brown eyes,
I see a very good soul, not one who could ever tell lies.

So, if I could cry you a river,
Could we sail away?
In a cute little skiv,
Somewhere our inner demons could even have a nice space to play?
Like a nice little lake,
Our own little piece of paradise,
Just ours to take.
Or, we could run wild through vast, grassy fields,
By the seat of our pants, high on love, we can laugh away the bad feels.
The choice is ours, all you have to do is take my hand,
I only ever wanted to be with just one man,
And there's many things in this world we may never understand,
But you don't find people like you very often,
Something most of us have totally forgotten.

Life can be so short, so why not take a chance,
In a tango for two, I do need a partner to dance,
Can it be you?
Is this a love real and true?

I once was good to you,
And you to I,
But it seems that time may have passed us by.
Pulling me in with soft words,
Promising you'd never leave me hurt,
I trusted you with the vulnerable person I am,
Then one day you just no longer gave a ****.

I know sometimes I forgot to really drink you in,
Your taste, your smell;
Only to my needs did I attend.
I quickly forgot about when we were just strangers,
In no way could this ever be toxic, put us in any real danger.
Your presence got me so ******* high,
Like I could conquer anything, reach the **** sky....

But now,
I'm lying here on the floor,
Head spinning so hard I can't even see the door,
So messed up I can't walk,
But oh god do I still want more,
Treating me like some ******* *****,
I forgot how you always leave me so sore.

When did **** get so real,
And why is it so hard to finish a meal?
There's this poison in my gut,
Trying to escape my body; telling me I've had enough,
And so again late this morning,
I'll breathe, choke, and heave without warning,
Just so you can come again,
Destroy my world once more, no longer as my friend,
But my kryptonite you'll be; making these bad days never seem to end.

As long as I'll still drink you in,
I know you'll try to eat me alive; every now and then.
But there's been worse battles fought,
And worse places to drown thoughts,
All the oceans and rivers now seem larger than life,
And to think; you saved me from a knife.

I'll swim amongst places different from just here from now on,
Places where I can cry, and my feelings don't feel so wrong,
But forever and always will you try to pull me in like a song,
And stronger will I get, so we both don't have to be forever gone.

I wanna call you so bad,
But I feel so guilty, I feel so sad.
The road ahead seems to be dancing,
Or I may just be high, drunk, and in need of romancing.
I'm tripping ***** on this warm lonely night,
In need of an ear, I see none of my friends in sight.
I want so bad to run far away from here,
But I cant run from my thoughts, and my enemy will always be near.
As rain falls from the sky,
And lovers start to get lost in eachothers eyes,
I figure it must be February again,
But here I am alone, with a broken heart in desperate need of a mend.
I want to feel pain, shake away these blues leaving me so numb,
I cant seem to find a connection, I feel like a fool, so blind and so dumb.
I have a heart of gold I'd like to share with someone emotionally sound,
Though I'm worth the fight, these walls are hard to break down.
A hopeless romantic I may be,
No one seems to want to get to know the real me,
I promise I've got endless stories to tell,
My trust is priceless, something I could never sell.
So I ask you to come take a chance at something great,
I can be your rock, I can be your escape.
And I hope you will anchor me too,
Make the drinks slow way down, become very very few.
But tonight I'll lay alone,
In a place I wish I could make feel like home,
And pray to not pick up this knife,
I dont wanna lose yet again another fight.

Here's that recurring pattern again,
I guess its justice with how I've treated others all the way up to this year's end.
I probably deserve this,
I can be on my way,
Watching what could have been fade away,
So many things I will miss,
Never again be able to have one more first kiss.
But still there's so many things I wish I could say,
Maybe its just not my time,
Or the maybe the standards are too high,
Whatever the reason,
I guess tis the season.
Happy holidays, may your loved ones be merry,
I'll be here singing love songs with my sweetheart; Absolut Cherry.

I've been drinking all day; call me an alcoholic, but I would say;
Liquor brings only the best words, on this wonderfully sad, yet sunny day.
I'd like to tell a story my friends,
One with many crazy things; adventures that could never end.
I like to caravan around drunk and high through this mess,
Sobriety is far away; carrying only despair and distress.
I want to tell you how I've come so far,
I like to brighten up my life with lights, and glitter; always available in the car.

My sweet, **** red 4 cylindered beast,
We've bonded so well, never could our connection cease.
But on this day without clouds in the sky,
Driving through the city coming down off a high,
I get a phone call; I smirk, and I cry, and I cry,
I just can't help but laugh at it all,
Never could I ever take this **** seriously; want to curl up in a ball.
My life is falling apart so fast,
I could end all this pain with an easy ***** induced crash,
But I'm going to meet someone for a drink,
I'll have to wash off these tears in the bathroom sink.

Staring down back at the glass in my hand,
I wish so much for to be a better woman.
But my mind isnt here with this girl,
It's watching from above, telling me to face to world.

And as she watched her world crumble in her hands,
She just laughed, took a drink, and continued on without even thought of that man.
Or of how much she had cried,
How much she wished this pain would subside,
If all is fair in love and war;
Don't we ever lose sight of what we're fighting for?...

Another night of the week,
Another time I can't find the energy to sleep.
Another's words cutting me deep,
Another night I lay alone and I weep.

Even though I'm confused and unsure,
I still believe I know what I'm looking for.
Wishing I could just jump into this bottle,
Go for a swim, or a drive; feel control over some kind of throttle,
But I'm drowning in my own sea of emotions,
Trying to ride out the tide, and go with the flow of this angry ocean.

I just like to chase away this feeling,
I no longer like to feel numb; emotionless and daydreaming.
This poison takes away the greater pain,
It makes me feel safe, it makes me feel sane.

And even though I'm scared to have my heart broken again,
I wish so much to be swept of my feet, to no longer be wary of men.
As much as I enjoy running wild and free,
I wish for someone to accept the real me.
We may not all get our happy ending,
But at least I wear my heart on my sleeve; I've never been good at pretending.

I'll sip just once more this evening,
Then clean myself up, wash off this evidence of bleeding.
**** this feeling.
**** these tears; stinging,
And I guess **** all sleep, there won't be any dreaming.

When your thoughts are so jumbled,
And when your words come out mumbled,
A chill rises over your skin,
And the room might start to spin.
The moment you realize everything hasn't been how it seems,
You've been living a lie,
The time for nightmares is nigh,
They've taken over your dreams.

There will come a time when the tears will run dry,
And your heart will keep racing, making you feel like you could die.
But, please, not today,
I've got so much to do,
But I'm asking myself 'why should I stay'?
Is there anyone who really needs me more than life,
Can I have a good reason why I shouldn't pick up this knife?
Have I just been a distraction for you?
An escape from stress, loneliness, from feeling so blue?
Because I may not always see the silver lining,
But I'm not asking for much, I most certainly am not whining.
Is it so hard to care about another?
Someone else besides your father, sisters, or brother.

This world has become one filled with people in masks,
Hiding who they really are, making up pretend facts.
But I guess its strange I feel so at rest,
Except for this hole in my chest,
And this blood flowing down my body,
Then again, maybe I'm not the one who should be sorry.
Was I wrong to be so kind?
Should I have thought more about what you had in mind?
I'm just thinking in circles,
Why am I throwing myself through these emotional hurdles.
As a hopeless romantic by day,
And a sinner at night; I do have one last thing to say;
Do you feel mighty holding my heart in your hand?
Ripping it straight out of my chest, do you feel more like a man?
Because all I see is a coward,
I've got no clue why you feel so empowered.

All this emptiness I feel,
I'm just trying to reciprocate it on the outside,
I wanna show you its real.
I just want to waste away,
Its becoming too hard to face every new day,
But there are no more words left to say,
None that I know of that would help me beg you to stay,
I'm here at the end of my rope,
You caused so much fray,
With all those games with my heart you played,
Never did you think I would no longer be okay,
For mercy, for solace; I most constantly pray.

Surrounded by dozen of eyes,
I take a look around trying to trade a smile,
Haven't made a connection in a while,
But you ain't looking at my face,
Just my curvature and size.
And when we speak I hear sincerity in your tone,
But I guess all that goes through your head is how you could make me moan.
My past, present, and future don't mean anything to you,
I'm just another girl you'd like to disappear after you *****.
But you're charming; you make me laugh and you could make me cry,
I have very few rules; some of with which I hope you can comply.

Yet, why is tonight so hard to sleep alone?
Here I am again picking up my phone,
Just trying to hear a voice; another's tone,
I no longer wish to feel dead inside, another living drone.

But I'm just drunk and stupid,
I feel so pathetic and useless.
I wish for a life much better than this,
But I like to **** it up with yet another tryst...

And every now and again,
I forget where I've come from,
Where I've been,
What paths I've traveled and choices I've made;
I'm starting to see a trend.

And we all get lost walking through this mess,
We lose focus, direction, drive, and all the important things we should address,
But there really is something I must confess;
There's a certain trait in my genes that I do not possess,
Tis the feeling of being loved, and how to love,
I know only how to give the most sensual caress,
As an object of desire, I'm a most powerful seductress,
But I still am very far from being my best.

Even while I talk to the handsome gent at the bar,
I can't make a connection, my mind is somewhere else very far,
Dreaming about warm summer nights under the stars,
Telling stories about how I got all these scars,
Talking about hopes and dreams,
Driving fancy cars,
Acting like ourselves, who we really are.

But I guess face value is what we're all about,
It's not what on the inside, but what's on the out that really counts,
Only looking at eachother skin deep,
Going to the grave with secrets unshared,
The promises made to ourselves we never could keep,
Or never getting to feel what it was like to be swept off your feet.

It's a shame things have boiled down to this,
And it seems no one really does miss,
Getting to know people all the way down to the soul,
We've become so heartless,
Trading it in for the feeling of being bold,
And even basic human company is being sold,
But I'm just a hypocrite with a story waiting to be told,
Even as you watch me grind on this pole,
I really do wish to share with you my heart of gold.

I just dont know how we got to judging people by these petty little things;
I hate first impressions, I'm not perfect; I'd much rather be interesting.

I wish I could actually sleep through the night;
But drinks can't even help me win this comatose fight,
I wish I could sleep a full 8 hours right,
But I barely get 3 without someone here by my side.
I can't even admit what's really wrong with my life,
Can't admit how much I'd rather be somebody's wife.

Staring at an empty white ceiling,
I beg and plead to my demons to stop this feeling,
I can't help what I keep dreaming;
Another's face is all I keep seeing,
But I really should just stop this grieving.

And again I'm looking forward to this day's end,
Always finishing off with the company of a friend,
Pretending conversation is all I need for this heart to mend,
And no longer will I have to pretend,
That I'm strong enough alone to stand for myself and defend.

The nights feel colder than they did months ago,
The sun feels dimmer like someone turned the brightness to low.
I feel so off balance walking these streets solitary,
And this heavy heart is becoming too heavy to carry,
I'd like to rip it out of my chest,
Give this emotional brain of mine a rest,
Maybe someday I can wake again looking my best,
I'm only looking for love strong and true,
For this I always will attest.

In my time of need,
I sat in the middle of chaos,
I begged and I pleaded,
For someone to rescue me, and be by my side,
So badly I needed someone with whom to confide,
All courage aside,
At that moment I didn't need my pride.
But no one came to save me,
I thought it could be my lucky day,
Just maybe,
But reality is I've always been alone, baby.
And now I know,
I don't wanna be alone no more,
My aching heart couldn't feel any more sore,
There's this pain I can't pinpoint, stinging all the way to my core.
But even as a poet,
I'm so lost for words,
So lost looking for someone that I don't even know it.
I'll keep waiting for someone to walk my way,
Someone to be my hero,
Someone to always save the day,
Someone to make sure I'm always okay.
But until my time has come,
I'll move forward, and look back at where I've come from,
What things good and bad I have done,
Why sometimes did I put first having fun.
When again my life flashes before my eyes,
Just barely will I have survived,
I'll be so thankful to have you by my side,
And I'll always have your back,
Together our ribs will collide.

I just want these tears to stop spilling down my face,
I wish I could speak rationally, and with sincere grace,
But I have not yet earned my place,
My past; I keep hidden,
No one will I let see the seriousness of its disgrace.
And I wonder,
Why do I do this to myself,
I guess some things I just can't help.
But yet I still feel so alone,
My smile has vanished,
Even when I speak,
I feel regret in my tone.
These emotions scare me more than death,
To speak how I really feel,
I wont waste my breathe.
How many more times will I break?
I guess I'll pick up these pieces yet again,
Resewing this broken heart back together;
I wonder why I'm starting to run out of thread.

I'm so hung up on you,
I jus' dont know what to do,
So I jus' lay back and throw back a few,
Hoping I'll meet somebody new,
Hoping they'll make me forget about you,
But, to myself, I gotta be true;
I jus' dont think there really ain't nobody like you.

I ******' owe you my life,
I think I owe it to be yo wife,
I would give up this knife,
Jus' to be part of yo life.

I'd sail seas to see ya smile,
Cuz I know you haven't met somebody like me in a while,
And I would travel as far as the Nile,
Jus' to win your heart,
But I dont even think I could,
Cuz mine is so vile.
**** it;
If I could have anything; it wouldn't be money,
It'd be you.

**** this fake family,
This "freedom",
I'd give it all up for you.
And for you,
I'd be honest and true,
You need somethin' baby,
I'd get it for ya,
I dont even need a que.

But I guess I need to throw back a few,
And fix these things of mine I got asque,
Wishing there was somebody as incredible as you;
And to fix this mess; I wish there was somethin' I could do.

I'm addicted to your body baby,
I flock like a moth to a flame,
I ain't the kind of girl who's easy to tame,
But I wish I had a good reason to blame,
Why lately I gotta be acting this way.
I ain't no player,
I never wanna betray ya,
But these feelings I got for ya,
I couldn't even start to explain to ya.
You're the weakness in my knees,
I wish I could have ya baby,
I would beg and please,
You're my kriptonite,
But why we only gotta meet on the darkest of nights,
Skin to skin,
And then again we start to fight,
Walking in and out of each others' life,
I wish we could make this something darlin',
But it just doesn't feel right.
And I know,
You really ain't no good for me anymore,
Gonna keep gettin' burnt,
If when we keep meeting the first thing we always do is take off our shirts.
Then again we go our separate paths,
Always doing wrong things behind eachothers' backs,
Wondering why again at eachother we always snap.
But I think it's really time to end this here,
Even know I think we always knew the end was near,
I can't let you hurt me no more, my dear,
I think this point I'm tryin' to put across has been very clear,
And I know it's a rough life alone out there,
But all along I know you never really cared.

They say don't judge a book by its cover,
But we out there everyday tryin' to pick us the right lover.
Basing chemistry on looks,
When we should taking in mind those are just a hook.
Curvy waists don't mean you cant discriminate,
The ink in my skin don't mean I'm a rebel,
That I was born to sin,
Value ain't based on personal stats,
I'm a good person beneath these scars and tats.
An honest heart ain't appreciated anymore,
How did we get to judging people by their credit score.
I just cant take this anymore,
If you cant like me for who I am,
Well then there's the door,
I cant be the only one who keeps the promises they swore.

Tonight, yet again,
I just cannot sleep,
I hurt so bad,
So much; I can't even weep.
Control over you is something so hard to keep,
But *******,
This time,
I went too deep.
You're so beautiful; so thick and red,
All I see is memories of us in my head,
How every time we meet,
Is a time I always dread,
But our secret is one I have never spread,
And no goodbyes were ever really said.
But you're no good for me anymore,
You always leave me a mess,
Lying lifeless on the floor,
The choices I made with you were always poor,
But you raise the hairs on my skin,
And yet, every morning I always turn out sore.
You're just an old flame I can't seem to shake,
No more of my time will you take,
This decision is one I wish I was strong enough to make,
But, for now,
My hatred for you is something I will have to fake.

I ******* hate how much I fell for you,
How much I wish for this to be love, and to be true,
Even though we just met,
You came straight out of the blue,
And I hate how these emotions are still so new,
How many times I've felt this happy, have been so few.
I drink only to forget how foolish I've been,
Or how gullible I was way back when,
But now I'm a lost soul,
No longer the person I was back then.
But I still leave my heart out here on the line,
Just wasting my days, fishing,
Wondering when will come my time,
When will I finally feel like my soul can shine,
I'm falling apart,
Just waiting for a sign,
Pretending everything is just fine.
Dipping my toes into this water,
I think of how you already have a family,
Such a beautiful daughter,
And how so many women are so irresponsible,
Their own children they slaughter.
How much I wish to have one of my own,
But that's just a dream,
One that I cannot chase,
For there's no one that wants to be my mate,
So why even bother?

Staring at this glossy lake,
I think of how little I have left at stake,
I think I'll go for a swim, a little dip I will take,
But to come back out, is a promise I can't make.

No one can love me,
I'm a deaf, dumb, and blind ******* fool,
I cant chase any dreams,
Or even finish school.
And to myself; I am the most cruel,
I'm so ******* stupid and stubborn,
No brighter than a mule.
I'm a ******* wreck,
There is no cleaning up this mess,
And I'm scared of these problems I should adress,
I'm afraid of another ones' caress.
Even in my brightest moments, I only see the flaws,
These manic episodes that flood my head,
I don't ever really know what brings them on,
I wish I knew the cause.
No one can save this soul,
It takes timeless effort, someone fearless and bold,
I wish to fix my heart of gold,
I yearn,
To earn love;
And for mine not to be sold.
But nothing comes easy,
Most intentions these days are just ******.
And maybe I deserve all this pain,
Think of all the scars I could gain,
Who am I kidding,
I just sound insane,
But to fulfill this fantasy,
How could I refrain?

No more procrastinating this life away,
Tomorrow I will start fresh, on this sunny new day,
No more can I just sit in sorrow and pray,
In this rut, I will no longer stay.
There's always so much more behind this smile,
Thing's haven't sailed smooth in quite a while.
So I'll try putting my life back together,
No longer can I blame procrastination on the weather,
Won't think about how difficult it will be; this endeavor,
And ties to the people who continue to hurt me; I will sever

I'm now heading into this darkness,
Alone yet again,
No one around to walk with me,
No family or friends,
And it would be a perfectly acceptable night for my life to end.
I'll show them whose tough,
With this winning smile; I'm fully **** out of luck,
And in this haze, I am stuck.
Pain inflicted, ***** induced manic takes control,
A feeling I wouldnt wish on any godforsaken soul.
Drunk on this pain,
Everything I do; always in vain,
More nightmares,
And countless scars do I gain.
These demons never loosen their control,
On my body, my heart, does it take its toll.
Another sip I take,
As I sit here wrecked;
I'm only begining to break,
Nothing more left at stake,
No more smiles can I fake,
But theres worst mistakes I could make,
But no better day I could chose not to wake.

Your soul is far more beautiful than mine,
You've got more miles on your heart,
This must be fate,
I'm so very lucky to have met you at this time.
You're too honest for this world,
And to I; you're too kind,
Don't fight back against the facts,
It seems as though you don't follow the most traveled path,
But there is nothing you lack,
And if you'll let me;
I promise to always have your back.

And like the rain that comes down every now and then,
Emotions I did not know I could feel flood my head,
It's no wonder I can't sleep through the night alone in this bed,
And when in the morning I leave, tis the very time of day that I dred.

I crave your body like a bloodthirsty wolf,
And I'll accept this new found hunger; my judgement it will engulf,
But this broken heart of mine would be much too difficult to mend,
And this wavering depression is a bit to high maintenance to tend,
My baggage is ample,
And I learned long ago that to feel happy; I no longer can pretend.

So if you're feeling up to the task,
Inspired to see what's behind this mask,
The payout is well worth it,
In my bountiful love you may bask.

I'm wandering like a lost soul,
And as the sun sets, I feel so very cold.
I feel as though I've never been here before,
My feet are tired from walking so very far,
And my eyes have been open too long,
I'm so very sore.
I must look like a mess,
Even in my favorite shoes and dress,
I only came to impress.
Our conversations felt so estranged,
I feel so wrecked,
My heart feels so manged,
And in such little time,
So much has changed.
I'll leave you two at peace,
My attention is no longer needed,
My existence, to you; has ceased.
I run from you,
Closer and closer to the edge,
No more prepared could I be to face death;
But then I awake in a panic,
Trying so hard to catch my breathe.
Clutching my covers for dear life,
I search in this scattered mess for my knife,
I need to end this panic,
I don't want to again become manic,
It's so very hard not to indulge this impulse,
This urge feels so titanic.
Metaphorically; my life is a joke,
Even in the mornings when I wake,
I cant breath,
I cant see,
On my own breathe; I choke.
I'm so scared of being alone,
I'll risk anything to keep my heart strong as stone,
But your kindness chills me all the way to the bone,
The thought of your body on mine makes me moan,
A slave to my depression, no longer will I be prone.

My head still just doesnt feel quite right,
Yet I dont think its from all those drinks last night,
I'm starting to think its from hearing your voice in my ear,
Your words of encourgement made everything seem so clear.

But I'm choking on my own pride,
Thinking how times may change,
I should just go with the flow
Dont fight back against this emotional tide,
For life is an adventure,
And you gotta be brave to stay on this ride,
But I'm so tired of waiting for this pain to subside,
In your arms, is the only place I can confide.

So, I will try to drown my sorrows,
Think about how you cared,
The affection you gave; felt so borrowed,
Like you were saving it for someone different,
Your thoughts not with me,
But somewhere distant.

And now looking back on all of this,
Thinking if I was just a fun little tryst,
But,
I know even though I'm an emotional wreck,
I'm someone who deserves so much more,
I'm someone you'll definately miss.

This pain is so hard to bear,
I'm a man of my word,
I make no promises I can't swear.
And as I lay on this floor,
I think of what could have been,
What the future could hold,
How it could hold so much more.
But I'm locking this door,
No more can you come knocking,
Making me feel any more sore,
And I'll get my fix,
So long I've been waiting to score.
This pain I feel inside,
Hope, I will,
Soon subside,
Until, again, my ribs may collide,
With another,
I hope to find, inside your arms,
I will confide,
Until then,
All I can say is I tried,
But no lies did I tell,
It's the thought of you that brings tears in my eyes,

Silient, but deadly,
Here in this big empty bed, I lie,
I dwell in sorrow,
And I cant help but cry.
When the day is at its end,
And I'm trying to sleep,
I close my eyes,
I've become good at pretend.
And only then,
My thoughts finally become clear,
And I have courage.
Judgement;
I, for now, no longer fear.
In my dreams I'm made of stone,
I can finally reign on my emotions,
Perched atop a ****** throne.
But my king is nothing more than an arrogant fool,
He knows not how to treat a queen,
He's so selfish and cruel.
And even there in my prison,
I feel so free,
With chains on my wrists,
Blood dripping onto this marble tile,
I feel so at peace,
I could always stay there awhile,
But I must go,
Back to reality,
A place most hostile.

And after the storm has cleared,
My smile is present not only in the mirror,
I see an open road in sight,
I'm so close,
And it's so very near.
And on this beautiful day,
I can't comprehend my mood,
It just seems to constantly sway.
But things seem to be going better,
I no longer get caught so easily in these storms,
Pay too much thought into the weather.
So I'll keep my chin held high,
And dream about the day I will touch the sky,
No more tears,
Or cowering in fear,
The future looks bright, for I.

Staring at the lights before us,
Dark temptation sets in.
It's just you and me, my friend,
Sitting in this car,
Alone on this cliff, listening to nothing but wind.
Hateful words carved into my brain,
Stinging like poison,
Soaking in like a bad stain.
Your silver glow is so addicting,
It's been so long,
I feel us reminiscing.
All worries aside,
It's our love for each other I have to hide.
When others come my way,
You want to, but you cannot, stay.
You bring a smile to my face,
I don't care how right it felt,
I just wanted a taste.
Back to staring at the world,
Up here, you and me, all alone,
I have no place to call my home,
Angry, scared, and lonely,
Everything happened so fast,
I wish to end this pain,
These tears,
I try and resist my foot hitting the gas.

Happiness is so deceiving,
Hope is an illusion,
This feels so sinful,
Everyone feels so ******.

Love is a curse,
Infecting your body like some disease.
Causing panic in our hearts,
Begging for this loneliness to stop,
Always cowering on our knees.

I wish to rid this ache I feel,
My love was taken,
Never earned, never given,
Seemed so easy to steal.

You crawled your way into my head,
Sleepless nights,
Tossing and turning alone in this bed.
I cannot forget your smile,
What felt so right,
Now feels so pathetic and vile.

In this room, full of many,
I couldn't help but feel alone.
Laughing and good times were had,
But I couldn't ignore my gloom.

Horrible thoughts run through my mind,
Even when someone asks
"do you have the time?"
I feel the urge to wreak havoc,
I feel the urge to ****,
But that will have to wait,
For only when we're alone,
Can there be blood to spill.

I'm so sick of being numb,
So tired of feeling used,
I always feel so dumb.

I want to run away from this hectic mess,
I want to see endlessness,
I want to see the stars,
Feel the wind in my hair,
I want to feel your kiss on my breathe.

Of the things I love and the things I hate,
This one's gotta be one to debate.
Friend or foe, it sinks its teeth into me,
It guides, it strengthens, it changes what you see.
Its poison runs through your body, your veins,
It's your secret helper, it goes by no names.
Its presence slows your breath,
It can put you to death.
It can change your life forever,
Or change you it can never.
It's your saint, your teacher and lover,
It's a casual acquaintance, or maybe a blood brother.
Its hug can bring love, pleasurable delight,
The consequences of it gone are quite a sight.
With the happiness it brings, there are some risks to take,
It can destroy your body and soul, a demon it can make.
It's an ugly world out there, you may need someone in command,
So hold on tight, or take it's "helping" hand.

I hate having these secrets to keep,
I hate having these thoughts not to speak.
I hate holding back tears,
For the only reason I do, itself, is fear.
Silent judgments rain upon me,
Blinding my vision,
No longer clear do I see.
So ****** do I feel in my own skin,
But I tred so careful, rarely do I sin.
Though here I am questioning my own being,
Am I selfish? Or was I mean?
What good do these deeds, kind they are, do for I?
How many mistakes can I make, or lies can I lie?
How long must I hold up these walls?
Wish do I, for the weight on my shoulders to fall.
I've burnt bridges, but they still try to cross,
Those demons still haunt me,
Always invading my dreams,
Laying in bed, I turn and I toss.
But even in my darkest times, I think of you,
I think of what you said, how much of it was actually true.
These wounds you gave me,
Are all that I need to set myself free,
Of your grasp on my throat.
To sink or swim,
I'm still unsure of my fate,
But for now, only in my dreams do I float.

As I lay here awake,
I think of my countless mistakes,
And what the future may look like,
What could be my fate.

Will I ever see the difference between real and fake,
Words cannot hurt me anymore,
But this heart of gold can still break,
And I will put everything at stake,
To find a person,
Whose happiness, to I, they will elate,
And I will call them my forever mate.

Will I look back,
Finally face my past,
Come off with a clean slate,
Forget about the busted doors and broken plates.

I will throw open my heart,
Like a backyard gate,
Let love heal this seemingly never ending heartache,
And these walls I've put up,
May they disintegrate,
No longer will I let myself feel so much hate,
And no more will I be stuck in this depressive state.

So I wonder,
What path, for myself, will I create,
What future sacrifices I may make,
But how long can I really wait.
I wish I was more sure of my fate,
All these feelings just further complicate,
But I can't think about that now,
For its getting really late,
But I can't sleep,
So I'll lay here,
Tears dripping down my face,
And I'll ponder,
Wide awake.

And as I stare into your eyes,
You look dead to me,
Your body attracting flies.
I wonder where things went wrong,
Or were you like this,
All along.
I see a disturbed mind,
Stuck in this race against time.
But I notice familiar features in your face,
I recognize your tone of voice,
The way you pace.
But I can't help you now,
You've got to do this alone,
I can only tell you why,
I don't have the "how".
And as I turn to leave,
I catch one more glimpse of you,
And I'm on my knees,
Trying to breathe,
Heave after heave.
For I am scared of my own reflection,
Staring in this mirror,
I beg for forgiveness,
My name to no longer be mentioned.

Was breaking up with you all that you were waiting for?
Or did you just go along,
Unready and unsure.
So here you are,
Alone at last,
What will you do now?
For I don't think you planned for this somehow.
Watching you go throughout life alone,
It makes me miss your skin on my breathe,
And then here I am again,
Calling your phone.
What love I have for you has yet to cease,
But I wish for this confusion to stop,
I just want to feel at peace.
I thought that what I did was right,
But lately,
These drinks aren't enough to help me sleep at night.
I lust for someone to hold me,
Tell me everything's okay,
It's what I crave,
What I breath for,
Just something to please brighten my day.
This broken heart of mine is my fault to blame,
Why do I always set myself up for this,
When I know the outcome will always be the same.
I want nothing simpler than a childhood dream,
I wish for love, compassion,
I want some self esteem.
So I'll try to replace you with hope,
Reaching the bottom of this bottle,
Tears spilling down my face,
I sit here wrecked,
Just trying to cope.
And as I wash down my worries,
Thinking about memories, old stories,
I'm hoping you'll come back;
But the truth is I pushed you out,
Broke your heart,
And those are just the facts.

Breathe, for it's all you know,

Smile, don't let your sadness show.

Just hold your head up high,

Try and find strength from your own lies.

Feel warmth in this bottle of despair,

I say I'll drive to you,

My vision so blurry, I just don't care.

Off the road I may go,

At least there no one would find me,

Buried underneath the snow.

I'll find solace in these dreams,

For now,

My life looks so perfect through the glass,

As if nothing bad every happened,

And all poor judgement was in the past,

I sit here tearing at my seams.

Yet I have nothing to bring to this table,

I have only this broken heart that comes with many fables.

Feast will you, on what's left of me,

I've been waiting, wishing, to finally bleed.

For no longer can I walk through life like this,

I will enjoy every moment as I indulge in this sickness.