Of the things I love and the things I hate,
This one's gotta be one to debate.
Friend or foe, it sinks its teeth into me,
It guides, it strengthens, it changes what you see.
Its poison runs through your body, your veins,
It's your secret helper, it goes by no names.
Its presence slows your breath,
It can put you to death.
It can change your life forever,
Or change you it can never.
It's your saint, your teacher and lover,
It's a casual acquaintance, or maybe a blood brother.
Its hug can bring love, pleasurable delight,
The consequences of it gone are quite a sight.
With the happiness it brings, there are some risks to take,
It can destroy your body and soul, a demon it can make.
It's an ugly world out there, you may need someone in command,
So hold on tight, or take it's "helping" hand.

I hate having these secrets to keep,
I hate having these thoughts not to speak.
I hate holding back tears,
For the only reason I do, itself, is fear.
Silent judgments rain upon me,
Blinding my vision,
No longer clear do I see.
So ****** do I feel in my own skin,
But I tred so careful, rarely do I sin.
Though here I am questioning my own being,
Am I selfish? Or was I mean?
What good do these deeds, kind they are, do for I?
How many mistakes can I make, or lies can I lie?
How long must I hold up these walls?
Wish do I, for the weight on my shoulders to fall.
I've burnt bridges, but they still try to cross,
Those demons still haunt me,
Always invading my dreams,
Laying in bed, I turn and I toss.
But even in my darkest times, I think of you,
I think of what you said, how much of it was actually true.
These wounds you gave me,
Are all that I need to set myself free,
Of your grasp on my throat.
To sink or swim,
I'm still unsure of my fate,
But for now, only in my dreams do I float.

As I lay here awake,
I think of my countless mistakes,
And what the future may look like,
What could be my fate.

Will I ever see the difference between real and fake,
Words cannot hurt me anymore,
But this heart of gold can still break,
And I will put everything at stake,
To find a person,
Whose happiness, to I, they will elate,
And I will call them my forever mate.

Will I look back,
Finally face my past,
Come off with a clean slate,
Forget about the busted doors and broken plates.

I will throw open my heart,
Like a backyard gate,
Let love heal this seemingly never ending heartache,
And these walls I've put up,
May they disintegrate,
No longer will I let myself feel so much hate,
And no more will I be stuck in this depressive state.

So I wonder,
What path, for myself, will I create,
What future sacrifices I may make,
But how long can I really wait.
I wish I was more sure of my fate,
All these feelings just further complicate,
But I can't think about that now,
For its getting really late,
But I can't sleep,
So I'll lay here,
Tears dripping down my face,
And I'll ponder,
Wide awake.

And as I stare into your eyes,
You look dead to me,
Your body attracting flies.
I wonder where things went wrong,
Or were you like this,
All along.
I see a disturbed mind,
Stuck in this race against time.
But I notice familiar features in your face,
I recognize your tone of voice,
The way you pace.
But I can't help you now,
You've got to do this alone,
I can only tell you why,
I don't have the "how".
And as I turn to leave,
I catch one more glimpse of you,
And I'm on my knees,
Trying to breathe,
Heave after heave.
For I am scared of my own reflection,
Staring in this mirror,
I beg for forgiveness,
My name to no longer be mentioned.

Was breaking up with you all that you were waiting for?
Or did you just go along,
Unready and unsure.
So here you are,
Alone at last,
What will you do now?
For I don't think you planned for this somehow.
Watching you go throughout life alone,
It makes me miss your skin on my breathe,
And then here I am again,
Calling your phone.
What love I have for you has yet to cease,
But I wish for this confusion to stop,
I just want to feel at peace.
I thought that what I did was right,
But lately,
These drinks aren't enough to help me sleep at night.
I lust for someone to hold me,
Tell me everything's okay,
It's what I crave,
What I breath for,
Just something to please brighten my day.
This broken heart of mine is my fault to blame,
Why do I always set myself up for this,
When I know the outcome will always be the same.
I want nothing simpler than a childhood dream,
I wish for love, compassion,
I want some self esteem.
So I'll try to replace you with hope,
Reaching the bottom of this bottle,
Tears spilling down my face,
I sit here wrecked,
Just trying to cope.
And as I wash down my worries,
Thinking about memories, old stories,
I'm hoping you'll come back;
But the truth is I pushed you out,
Broke your heart,
And those are just the facts.

Breathe, for it's all you know,

Smile, don't let your sadness show.

Just hold your head up high,

Try and find strength from your own lies.

Feel warmth in this bottle of despair,

I say I'll drive to you,

My vision so blurry, I just don't care.

Off the road I may go,

At least there no one would find me,

Buried underneath the snow.

I'll find solace in these dreams,

For now,

My life looks so perfect through the glass,

As if nothing bad every happened,

And all poor judgement was in the past,

I sit here tearing at my seams.

Yet I have nothing to bring to this table,

I have only this broken heart that comes with many fables.

Feast will you, on what's left of me,

I've been waiting, wishing, to finally bleed.

For no longer can I walk through life like this,

I will enjoy every moment as I indulge in this sickness.