why is it
that when i say
i want to die
you tell me
all these things
about how
it would just
break your heart
but i can never
seem to believe you?

for some reason
it gets harder and harder
to love her,
every day.  
i think my mind is cloudy,
and my vision of her has been
fogged up
so that i only see
the bad parts of her.
and i'm not sure why.
maybe it's because i'm jealous of her.
that she can laugh so freely and easily.
that reilly loves her more.
that everyone loves her more.
that she's skinny.
that her parents are nice to her and don't treat her like she's stupid.
that she has blonde hair, like i've always wanted.
that she's prettier.
that she has a place to belong.
that she can be so naive.
she's everything that i'm not
and i think
i fear
that i'm starting to hate her for it.

i hate people.
i love people.
but that's the issue
with people.
is that you can hate them,
and
you can love them,
but no matter what you tell yourself,
you can't live without them.