There’s something I’ve learnt about satisfaction. That it’s easy to find purpose in satisfaction instead of satisfaction in purpose. The former results in having your heart and soul and body thrown down to be shattered, melted to a pulp, milder and shattered again and again and again.
Painful as it sounds, it soon becomes a habit.
Here is why, to me at least, finding purpose in satisfaction is wrong, well who really cares what’s wrong or right, it just freaking hurts. This state is something I like to call pendulum satisfaction.
Life is a huge *** string attached to a pivot, who is pretty much the only thing that keeps the universe running. Right at the end of this inextensible string called life is basically a bob. A bob consisting of whatever you make life to be on this planet. Hopes, dreams, beliefs, faith, rejections, disappointments, pain, failures, bitterness and society’s expectations in general. Once attached to the string of our nebulous ambiguous potential in life, picks up a direction and paces under the gravity of reality and general laws of physics (fr tho)
Once that motion begins it builds up momentum leaving us swinging back and forth. To and fro, where we reach a form of satisfaction for a nanosecond in comparison to the distance we end up traveling to achieve as such. This kind of movement leaves us high with the feeling of achievement for an instant, then brings us back to square one, by that thing called gravity, continuously all the freaking time, no exceptions. Yet it spurs us to push ourselves to the other side of the mean position in hopes to reach a new level, to reach a kind of satisfaction. Each time trying and striving to reach a point higher than before.
In vain of course, because just like an actual pendulum, the highest point is reached only initially and unless it swings in a perfect vacuum and ideal environment, resistance, weight and gravity will only reduce the highest achievable points in either extreme. Thus the heights decrease with each swing, reducing momentum and energy. Little by little, swing by swing. Till eventually you’re left at a draw with no force or inertia to get you anywhere, kinda like how death can be, and I’m not talking about the physical kind.
What then? Metanoia or metamorphosis or should I simply drop the ball and move on, purposeless?
I’m stuck here, in this pendulum satisfaction and I can’t seem to do anything to get out.
However, I do know what I want, it is to change this pendulum into a yo-yo. Have that bob of what I make of this world and allow to rise up and come down, through and through in my life, in equilibrium, consistency and purpose. Not just in one plane or direction but to receive it in all its fullness and purpose.
Now what must be done to achieve this satisfaction in purpose ?
This flimsy thread I call life needs to be shifted from the tip of this bob of purpose to its centre, and somehow find the way to get it to climb up and down, held by the pivot, who is pretty much the only thing that keeps this universe running.
5|4|17