Staring out my dusty window
I see and admire the view
I enjoy the sight but hardly leave my room
Possibly how I feel about you?
You see, my feelings are so strong
yet so hard to pinpoint
so hard to make into words
so hard to capture
That I'll keep writing ****** poetry
I'll keep chasing songs that remind
me of you
Soon I'll get it straight in my head
at that point I'll just need to get it
straight in my mouth
Then straight to your ear

There's a scientific reason to everything
Butterflies in your stomach
as you watch them approach
Is just adrenaline taking blood from your stomach
Sweaty palms and nervous fingers
as you lie right next to them
Is just your increased body heat with anxiousness
Increased heart rate
as they tell you something new, only to you
Is just your body compensating for increased brain activity
The fact that you make me do these things?
Well that should mean something

Your eyes are always so crinkled
School must drain you so
Always barely perceiving
They were disheartening with
melancholy in tow
I'll never forget the night I realized
your eyes
No longer creased, no longer apathetic
So round, so alive
In this moment I realized that I
had seen them before
I saw a glimpse today

Maybe it's too much to think that
I made your eyes everything
Everything I needed to be alrite
I kissed your mouth that night
A person like you could be good for me

It's that moment I wanted to talk to you
It's that moment you told me a secret
It's that moment you said "no"
It's that moment I figured out I was really moving
It's that moment I didn't say goodbye
It's that moment you called me again
It's that moment I came to visit
It's that moment I watched you moving on
It's that moment I realized that "this place isn't going to work out"
It's that moment of my homecoming
It's that moment we started talking again
It's that moment I fell hard
It's that moment I realized my friends were an out
It's that moment I told you "I love you" and I cried
It's that moment you didn't leave or drift away
It's that moment when we kissed
It's that moment I lied with you all night
It's that moment we watched a movie
It's that moment I cried on the way home
It's that moment I started writing ****** poems
It's that moment I stared at my hands and thought nothing at all
It's  now and I don't want to end this with a cliché

A precariously warm night
I held my breath in your room with all my might
It grew later and our bodies more tired
We laid side by side
You in my arms and I in yours
Your arms were all I felt
You were breathing ever so lightly
compared to my nervous breath and beat
These were the only sounds I could hear
My face was nestled in your hair
It's sweet essence was all I could smell
I tasted my breath getting sour with sleep
Your eyes were closed and so were mine
Mine were closed for different reasons
Your eyes were closed for sleep
Mine were closed for the memory to keep

I let my face rest in
the rising rain water
My muscles were relaxing
Drops fell on my neck freshly
The rain fell light and even

As I laid I sank in
I wanted to be gone
Sink into the nothingness of matter
Be of and separate of nothing
I was content with complacency

But you pulled, you did not fight
You showed me how great it was
being more than you were
How truly eminent you could be
The way we make ourselves

You cried out, "Look
we are clean now,
the rain has cleaned us"
So I rose and so did you
"Let's be of and separate of each other"

My body burns like a furnace with you
My heart yearns below the surface without you

The way your hair smells
The way your lips rest
The way we trace each others' ghosts
with our fingers;
yours so perfect and white
They make me anxious for your next words
Your next smile
Your next embrace

My blanket smells of you
But my breath fogged up your scent

You laid in my bed tonight
You're uncomfortable with people touching you
and me making you uncomfortable
makes me uncomfortable
I guess I can hope it gets better with time
I just hope that me being near
doesn't fog up you being here

We ran through that house like we lived there
Cursing the filth and praising the clutter
The amount of stuff, another persons life
It was ours to desecrate, it was ours

And I spent all winter (or **** near all winter)
Trying to get warm
And I lost all my time to the intricacies of your youth
Only to find it in my room at night
Those nights killed me in the way one kills time

Now I spend all summer trying to get cool
My blankets big enough for two, there's plenty time to run through
**** me with those eyes that drown me in hope
And I hand over everything I've ever known for an hour in your presence

Sometimes I press my palms into my eyes
so that way I see blurry for a minute
Everything feels surreal to me right now
maybe I'm finally going to have that breakdown
The one that's been building since age five
It's odd, your eyes made it ok for a second
and your smile another
but I'm still pressing my eyes and I still feel funny

I look at the image of your face on my phone
more often then I should
I wonder why you leave with the swiftest ease
You were/are broken pretty bad

I can't help noticing how selfish I am
sometimes
I wonder when you think of me
I wonder when/if you'll care

I drink in excess
I'm broken myself
My brake makes me a coward
I hope you will forgive me

If/When you leave I'll cry
I'll curse myself, I'll die
in forty years
Because when the time comes I'll
replay every time you told me how you
felt, And I won't stop your leaving
or even try, until you've left and it's too late
And I'll be a huge cliché, just as you told me I was

But until then, I'll piece you together
next to the memories in my head

How is one to be one's own
All there is to feel is disdain
What else is to be shown
To feel anything, especially happiness, is pain

"Nothing is original": Teenage Anthem
No truer words have ever been written
Emotions can't belong to any of them
They're sent via a social subscription
All one's thoughts are already said ever so splendidly
Force fed back to the mind (a reminder of the artfulness not of thyself) that couldn't vocalize
The poet says "It's nice to not be alone" all too friendly
No words have been a greater weapon to terrorize
To not be alone in the feeling of apathy is
all one needs to feel at ease...

Here we are
You and I
We've reached it
The Good Place

The sound of my heartbeat in my ears
It reminds me of your footsteps as you walked away

Right now I focus on that beat
It's easier than remembering how
long I've been doing it
When I'm done I'll probably be somewhere else
Either in school or with friends
Right now however this beat suits me
It let's me rest
This beds comfortable and that wall is easy on the eyes