journey under skies
bright with stars, to the ocean's
edge and back again.

it is not enough to want,
is it?
we've been shown
time and again
that it is not enough
to want
to need
to try and fix
to give it one more go

to take a break--
no stop don't go i need you please
-- and to reunite, with new butterflies in the stomach

and though you held me and reassured me
that we can still be friends
("you will always be my best friend,"
you said and i believed,)
i guess it's just painful because
all my nights spent reassuring
that i loved you for and despite your flaws,
your haunted green eyes,
the way you opened up to me,
the way you became when you were upset, angry,
the strength you don't know you have--
were all for nothing.

all the while you always told me,
i'd find a man who would be better for me,
more there,
and who would treat me how i should be treated.

and i could never convince you
that you were always the best for me,
always there,
and treated me better than i ever have been.

and though i am in misery,
have not slept because you are not here with me,
have withdrawn because without you i can't seem to function,
i suppose it's better that there is still you and i,
even if there is no we.

you told me
that you see us as
o n e
person,

"without you,
there is no me,"
you said.

i am your missing piece,

and you,
you are mine.
and without you babe,
there is no me.

every night i lie next to you
safe in your arms,
i feel at home,
at peace,
whole.

i look into your eyes
and i see
everything i have ever
wanted.

this winter feels colder than the last
i am sick
and weak
and tired
the cold is hurting my lungs
and no amount of smoke
or shared breath
will warm them
i am so cold at night
and there are no stars in the sky
to make me feel at peace

was last winter this cold?
i don't remember the last time i was
sick for weeks
inhaling steam from boiling showers and downing
whiskey and tea
by the mugful
and missing that passed rainy summer