windows to the soul indeed
in my mother's golden brown
and my beloved's oceanic bluegreen
i see ghosts that will never find peace.

in others,
changing hazel and sky blue,
i see sparkling rays of sunlight;
no shadows, no ghosts.

i can't bear to look.

the cold fire of orion pulls me in --
a gravitational tide;
drowning in colour, in stellar fire --
i am gazing up at it:
an ant beholding mount everest
the fiery heavens are all-encompassing
with ancient flickering fireflies & dark matter & stellar nurseries
nestled in the breast of the great hunter himself
guarding, watching; stark & silent
& i alone bear witness.

i am the stars we gaze upon at night.

i am a guide at first glance; Polaris --
but upon further inspection i am a fiery powerhouse of passion
i have burned
and blazed forth
for years; traveled across lightyears and parsecs
in my time.

i am the hunter, Orion;
Andromeda, the ruler of men;
i am Pisces fish in Sun and
Gemini twins in Moon;
and yet here i am:
still the smallest of everything

the skies aren't warm
like you wanted; curses laid
down leave you to ruin

gaze into the glass
look through the universe, time;
see what you're made of

your body buckles beneath my hands,
promises whispered with each exhaled sigh;
you said you don't believe in soul mates but
you and i
are the closest thing to it

looking down i see you
gazing back at at me and
your green  eyes shatter my soul
the way you look at me is enough to make me believe
that i have a soulmate,
another half
and that here, now, in the darkness of your room
we are together, one and the same,
an individual

this winter feels colder than the last
i am sick
and weak
and tired
the cold is hurting my lungs
and no amount of smoke
or shared breath
will warm them
i am so cold at night
and there are no stars in the sky
to make me feel at peace

was last winter this cold?
i don't remember the last time i was
sick for weeks
inhaling steam from boiling showers and downing
whiskey and tea
by the mugful
and missing that passed rainy summer