i want to die on the road
at the hands of something beautiful
i'm not quick to
leave this sad place behind
but the beauty -
the scarce amount of it that's left
in this cruel world -
is enough to make me feel so insignificant
that nothing is really worth it
and nothing compares to it
it was summer. nights out west were hot and dry. the highway stretched ahead of us for days; no one ahead, no one behind; just us and the road and the star-laced sky above. i kept thinking that i wanted to die here someday, under this same sky, counting stars like seconds. one-one-thousand two-one-thousand three-one-thousand four..
they really mean it when they named it death valley
take one step outside
and every
last
drop
of water
every
last
inch
of hope
leaves your body
in that very instant
the sun is angry
burns every thing to a crisp
black, blacker, blackest
you ever seen the grand canyon? nah, man. not pictures. seen it. been there. looked over the edge down at the drying river below. stood a little to close for comfort, hungry condors above you waiting for you to fall. sound scary? you can catch yourself. mama nature has a way of granting mercy – whether you want her to or not. she'll catch you when you fall, baby. she always will.
let me tell you
how powerful
this world is
to die
by the hands of it
god what a beautiful thing
the last thing they see
are the rocks
and the niagara falls crashing over them
it has the power
to possess
to hypnotize
to seize
carpe omnia, baby
did you know that the most beautiful place in america is the most deadly? it's so deceptive; a sleeping god yet to unleash his wrath. the beauty with the ability to burn, to scar, to ****. deceptive splendor in pools of sulfur, deep blue like sapphire bleaching rocks starch-white and murdering trees. i saw a bison laying at the edge, the smell of burning fur hung heavy in the air. everything there was dead and it was a tragically beautiful thing.

it is not enough to want,
is it?
we've been shown
time and again
that it is not enough
to want
to need
to try and fix
to give it one more go

to take a break--
no stop don't go i need you please
-- and to reunite, with new butterflies in the stomach

and though you held me and reassured me
that we can still be friends
("you will always be my best friend,"
you said and i believed,)
i guess it's just painful because
all my nights spent reassuring
that i loved you for and despite your flaws,
your haunted green eyes,
the way you opened up to me,
the way you became when you were upset, angry,
the strength you don't know you have--
were all for nothing.

all the while you always told me,
i'd find a man who would be better for me,
more there,
and who would treat me how i should be treated.

and i could never convince you
that you were always the best for me,
always there,
and treated me better than i ever have been.

and though i am in misery,
have not slept because you are not here with me,
have withdrawn because without you i can't seem to function,
i suppose it's better that there is still you and i,
even if there is no we.

you told me
that you see us as
o n e
person,

"without you,
there is no me,"
you said.

i am your missing piece,

and you,
you are mine.
and without you babe,
there is no me.

every night i lie next to you
safe in your arms,
i feel at home,
at peace,
whole.

i look into your eyes
and i see
everything i have ever
wanted.

black hole in my chest,
please devour me; i can't stand
this sick emptiness

every chord
on the nylon strings
the g the e
the c the a
sounds so exultant
so content
it masks
morose and melancholy
lyrics and rhymes;
and yet everyone can make it
sound more cheerful than
i ever could
everyone can make it
everyone can make it—
except for me

but don't tell me I never tried
i tried my damnedest and I am
still ******* trying
i am screaming hallelujah
at the top of my lungs until
asthma beats me down
until my throat feels pricked
with needles
and i will continue to play the chords
of a song describing
a futility i feel in my bones
and i will try to make them sound
hopeful, ******

because i need this