I don’t know why I write this down,
it doesn’t make me feel any better.
No feeling of escape finds me,
I find no comfort in my letters.

I write to try to calm myself,
at night, I lie awake and dream.
Dreams of conversations
that will never happen, it seems.
If I could sleep soundly,
just for one single night,
I might wake feeling different,
the sun may just seem bright, for a change.

With every stroke of a pen
my thoughts pour out like a storm,
violent and relentless,
nothing but release can keep me warm.
I can never take that step
no matter how much thought I give it.
I think it’s time to take a chance,
I’ll tell you when that sinking feeling hits.

Dwelling on the past
leads to a future that won’t last.
Watch the road ahead of you
so you can safely make it to…
The end.

I ran, eyes shut, into the mist.
I did not mind the shots, they hissed
past me, as I ran to the haze.
The suffering that comes with love,
Left me defeated, broken, and dazed.

Those thoughts of battle stay with me,
leaving me blind, as I can only see
the fallen heroes, I can only smell
the scent of death, I can never quite forget
That sweet taste on your breath.

The only thing I have to fear
is that which makes my mind unclear,
the worry that I’ve not moved on,
the feeling that I’m doomed to stay here.

I peer into a crowd,
though I see all these smiling faces,
not a soul can be seen
through the clouds, only the traces
of their haunting past.
But a change of mind is coming, fast.

Though the days are dark now
there’s sunshine close behind.
I see the dawn of a new day,
their happiness is nothing more…
Than a leap away.

Abuse and violence
Awaited her at home.
Her nights were spent sobbing,
Dreading one more night alone.
Beaten and traumatized,
She came to me, so teary-eyed,
Still crying, after one more night
Brought on yet another fight.

Strongly, she stood as
Her mother cruelly drove the
Words through her head,
“I’d rather you were dead”,
Nothing could prepare us for
What lied ahead.

As I soon saw her,
Walking down my street,
I smiled in her direction.
My feet, tapping to the quickened heartbeat.
“I must leave” Were her sudden words,
To me it sounded so absurd,
“I have to leave this place of sorrow,
My way out will come tomorrow.”
“How far away?”
I had to ask,
“Too far away
For us to have a chance.”
She replied,
Wiping bitter tears from her eyes.

So there we stood,
For what seemed like hours,
Crying together,
Bitterly watering the flowers at our feet…
At the end of my dimly-lit street.

I couldn’t stop my hands from shaking,
Imagining the path we were taking,
I leant in close, I kissed your lips
I had my hands around your hips.
I believed we loved each other
Then again, you had another.
I would not let the thought of him disgrace
What would quite soon be our embrace.

But it wasn’t very long
Until our guilt became strong.
We began to wonder whether
Both of us were changed forever,
We were shocked at what we’d done
We thought it just a bit of fun.
But it was soon that I realised
A dearest part of me had died.

I felt like a different person,
Like some kind of weak impression.
I felt ***** and obscene,
I was washed but never  clean.
I told myself “She wanted it too”,
But mere excuses wouldn’t do.
I could not defend my actions,
I was a slave to my attractions.

I never meant to tear you both apart,
I was trying to piece together
The fragments of my broken heart.

It took me far too long to see
That this place was destroying me.
By the time that I could have been free
My home had already come to be
My own private prison cell.
It was almost like my hell.
My realisation came too late
And so it seemed I had to wait
Until my hatred of this place
Would gradually abate.

It seems my home was like a curse,
Serving to only make things worse,
It seemed to amplify my pain
When all I wanted was to get away,
And for this place to leave me be.
So that I might escape and see
What wonders the outside world…
Had in store for me.