Telling me to learn how to not take things too seriously is like telling me to learn patience in a day. It takes time to learn. I am not going to acquire a new personality over night. I can't undo my feelings. I can't help the way I react. Your words have an effect on me, no matter how much you try to deny it. Why can't you understand that? I always do things wrong and when I attempt to do things right, you always find a way to make them meaningless. Why can't you just accept me the way I am, flaws and all? Why are constantly trying to change me? I thought love was unconditional.
Yours came with terms and conditions.
But when will the box I clicked for 'accept' pass your line of vision?
I'm trying my best.
Sometimes I feel you aren't.

- y.j.r.

Relax and unclench your jaw, smooth out those worry wrinkles. Forget about that essay that's due for a while, let your mind wander elsewhere. Think about the happy moments in life, relish in them. Open your eyes, see the world for what it is; an enchanting wonderland where laughter floats through the air, sun hits your shoulder with comforting warmth, birds sing captivating melodies, flowers unleash intoxicating scents, plants and trees sway to the beat of the earths invisible heartbeat, where stress is a thing of the past. Live.

- y.j.r.

sometimes I'm fine
but most of the time
I'm not
I don't know who I am
anymore
I'm an empty shell
never truly satisfied
I laugh
I smile
but at the end of the day
I'm half empty
no matter how much I say
I'm half full
and I don't know why
I can't stop myself
from thinking these
thoughts
why oh why
do I have to hate myself
and my life
I'm not happy
I'm not
I don't even remember
the last time I was
my whole life is just
one big blur
there's no clarity
and it scares me
and I find myself
unable to move forward
I don't know how
I don't know when
who am I
where am I going
please tell me

- y.j.r.

all these thoughts
all these emotions
which ones are real
which ones are merely an escape
I can't control them
I can't control myself
when will I be able to stop
when will I be able to forget
why do I feel empty
why do I feel confused
who do I turn to
who do I let in
when will I finally be happy
when will I finally be free

- y.j.r.

do you ever lay down at night
and think
what side of the bed
will i sleep on
when the person
I love
enters my life

do you ever lick your lips
and think
what would it feel like
to have that person
run their tongue
along your chapped lips

do you ever wonder when
that moment will show its face

when someone will
love you so much
your heart hurts

when someone will
help you be the best
version of yourself
you could possibly be

when someone will
hold your hand
and trace
tiny circles
in the inside
of your palm

when someone will
know when to
comfort you
when to hold you

I think about these things
all the time

I think about what
our wedding day
will be like
with the ones we love
standing proudly
with tears in their eyes

I think about what
having our first baby
will be like
and how much
happiness will
rain on our lives

I think about what
our fights
will be like
and how we will forgive
and forget
and continue
loving

because I know I will love you
with my entire being

I will feel your warmth
deep within my soul

it will wrap itself
around my heart
and hold it
prisoner
forever
and ever

and when we die
we will spend another
life
searching for
one another

and when we find each other
again
all those dark days
will explode
with endless light

and it will start all over
again
and again
again

please don't ever let it end

- y.j.r.

I have moments where
I do something
or think something
and I have this weird notion
or feeling of instinct
and I know what the outcome
of that action or thought
will be
before it occurs

but it's only
a flash of a feeling
a flicker of an emotion

and then when what
I foresaw or forefelt
happens,
I think back to that fleeting
moment
and I'm left wondering
what if humans
can predict future
moments

it makes sense why some
claim to be able to do
just that

I guess they're just
better at tuning in
to that emotion
than the rest of us

- y.j.r.

there is a
hopeless
suffocating
desperate
feeling
that courses through my body
when I try my hardest
at the truth
voicing my feelings
admitting my wrongs
showing my face
only to watch you
run my words through your teeth
to see how they taste
then spit them on the floor
stomping on them until all is heard
is a faint cry

- y.j.r.