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Bex Feb 2014
the audacity of him, to think he created you.

they take the credit for billions of women, and we let them.


observe, the kind of girl who puts perfume on the backs of her knees-

she’ll be down on them soon, might as well decorate

the debauched air with lavender, coriander, her disgraced musk-

she is the model for a woman’s paradox.

“cross your legs at the ankles, say please and thank you, remember your place-

*****.”

see? how ladylike, that gorgeous face. a photo-finish face.

try to finish on her face.

a photo-finish face, take a photo when you finish on her face.

take a photo while she tries to blink you out of her eyes.

admire how tightly her lips are pressed together, she will not speak until spoken to.

unzip her teeth, open her mouth-

she will remain silent. all you were doing was opening another hole.


these girls are foldable, flexible, fuckable

they are stored inside suit pockets of

businessmen in the business of selling madonnas and Magdalenes

trading our innocence like stock options

each curve and soft voice, dumbed-down giggles and blank eyes as selling points

put together each little girl, she will be a new share in his corporation.


why do you let yourself believe that you should smile pretty

when auctioned off,

why should you be sold?

we allow men to rent us, borrow,

they shower us with trinkets,

things that are not truly ours. they feed us glitter until we become

as insubstantial as sparkles,

they tell you we are beautiful when we are owned.


stop having *** only in the dark

because you are worried that, like him,

the light will not touch you with love,

and you avoid fluorescent bulbs- do not risk cheapening the look of your skin.

chemical glows can be unflattering, you will wash out, the lines of your body will be harsh

you are reminded that your skin is full of chemicals too,

you worry that you will taste like acid and that he will spit you out.

you worry that he will see your naked body glow, and that he will not love you for it

so you close curtains. stack blankets. hide from scrutiny.

pull up your skirt-

“do what you came for and leave, please.”

apologize as soon as you say it.


it is out of line for you to make requests.

knowing that, step out of line.

refract, be prismatic

allow yourself to be illuminated,

reflect, do not feel guilty if you bleach his sight

if you are too much for him, do not reduce your brilliance

reflect.


what makes you think that you could possibly be

deflowered? who put this vicious vocabulary around your virginity?

boys are not lawnmowers, boys are not shears

you’re floral with or without them.

you do not have to grow in someone else’s garden

you can stretch your roots through miles of earth

you do not have to offer up your entirety to his touch.

you do not have to twist toward his artificial sunlight to flourish

you do not have to sit alone and anxiously polish your petals

you do not have to cry because your stem is blotched

remember your power- the ones who do not handle with care

are not your concern anymore- allow them

to be speared and suspended on your thorns.

display them like trophies

like they tried to display you

remember the venus flytrap is named for the goddess of love

and it eats its victims alive.
Feb 2014 · 678
I Will Not Be Redeemed
Bex Feb 2014
Salvation.
The concept of taking orders every single day of our lives because when a body
can no longer hold its soul, when it still takes up space
but not oxygen, when it rots in the dirt
when we’re dead, we might be rewarded.
We take these orders from strange men with nice collars
who burn books and witches and reasons to live.

We memorized the phrases that would define our lives before we knew what all those big words meant.
There are children who learn these words before they can spell their own names.
what understanding
could they possibly have had
of the word
‘salvation?’

If we are all God’s children then explain the freaks.
The ones who are unfit for His glory.
God, you gave us the rainbow as a promise that you would never flood us again and
God you’re the reason I have trust issues.
God instead of sending out messengers shouting about the awful punishments in store for me because I do what you say I cannot
maybe instead you should cradle me in your divine arms and tell me nothing in this universe could make you stop loving me because after all
I’m who you made it for.
forgive me father for I have loved.

God,
My theory’s that there’s a reason we scream your name in bed,
“oh, satan” isn’t quite the same.
and God where did Lucifer learn all of his evil from? casting him out of heaven didn’t erase him; no matter how low an apple falls turns out it still won’t be far from the tree.
why, speaking of apples, were you so angry when eve gained knowledge? why wouldn’t she trust a snake when the duties of woman are to listen to long, hard things that tell them what to do?
God, were you afraid of the questions we would ask?

God, are you afraid of us?
For all my blasphemy I am afraid of you.

God we outlined you in scripture and filled you in with blood
and even if you were not what made us
we made you.

Still, we don’t all qualify for your love, your salvation?
You gave us free will but couldn’t deal with the consequences.

God, if I can look you in the eye and tell you
I am not ashamed,
why can’t you look back when you call me an abomination?

Salvation is not a one-sided conversation.

— The End —