I woke up today,
And for the first time I didn't miss your smile,
I didn't cling to my tattered pillow and think
Of my cheek on your rising falling chest.
Never once did I think you’d be my best.
I can’t remember your smell, or the exact texture
Of the fire in your hair.
I can’t remember a lot of things,
And that feels just fine.
I woke up today finally feeling all right,
And free like a fresh start,
With healed scars
Where an entire existence used to be,
To be honest I woke up today,
Feeling lighter, free.
I woke up today to find
My heart belongs to me.

I am tempting, intoxicating,
Admittedly I know I am so,
With all my edges exposed,
All my light, my darkness spill
In radiant hues around me.
I’m all those memories of heaven,
Of hopes and dreams and things
Lay to rest by my rational dissection,
mourned over by my quivering emotions.
Bad luck I suppose that I saw it coming.
Placing myself and so your eyes, onto ground level.
For perspective, for stability.
Why then do you appear disheveled?
Eyes wander, fingers pacing, lips bit with anticipating,
Torn there in your quiet reverie,
When I’ll lend any part of me to keep you together?
You shudder, at the thought of my touch, the words I mutter
Its true I lust, you lust.
You, like me, are irrevocable,
You exude humanity,
Your light sprays and twist over your dark pool,
I want to reach out and touch you
If  he exists, forsakes you, then know this,
I’d rather burn in the fiery pit eyes bright
Than miss my life, myself, this chance, your kiss.
No matter, I refuse to be but brighter.
I’m sorry your not sure,
I’m sorry you don’t know like I do.

I have been alone to long, even in the end I was a haze in the distance.
I hate that I stayed.
Even that is over now,
I don’t need him.
I don’t know how I let this happen.
My thoughts scream,
But I’ll forgive myself I know,
I poured myself out into that soft reflection
And humming conviction and
I didn't really know you did I.
No, I didn't .
We had been parting ways for a long time,
Probably why I hardly cried,
But when you walked it stung the same.
Mostly for the things you say.
I hate you for your forced ignorance.
The way you blame everything,
I hate you for refusing to look at me,
Standing unclothed before you,
Wearing nothing but old scars
And my broken heart tied to my wrist.
I hate how you turned from my kiss,
I just wanted you to love me.
I’m so sick of feeling like this,
Like no one could ever touch me.

It’s a deep blue, with ties and lace,
Silky smooth, it reminds me of a reflection of the moon.
It looks like anticipation,
It tastes like wanting and yearning,
It looks like the water that starts the fire.
That starts your desires burning,
Clothing marked by lust and worn in trust.
I wish  I could see your face when I slipped into it,
Or when I slipped out of it,
If I could get you alone,
would you moan?
And then my heart stops and the tears flow
And I remember..
that its just sitting a crumpled mess on my floor
Sitting a reflection of my own cold distance,
His cold indifrance
And I am here I’m alone
And not for lack of wanting
someone here to show.

I'm suffering through my own frustration,
I miss the feel of a physical connection,
The feeling of soft lips lightly pressed,
Of hearing heartbeats and rising breath,
I miss being close to bliss when hands brush
I can’t deny my body yearns to touch
I think of who I am and who you were
And how every day I’m more alone.
How can it be wrong that I want to fall into someone,
Someone who can for at least a moment see me,
Trust me, kiss me, free me.
I just miss being Wanted and felt,
I miss
Being
kissed.

Its just that your biting your lip I think,
That makes me sink into the things that you say,
Or the way you seem like you want to reach out
And touch my face; push through all the distance space
And make me smile.
Perhaps our laps in the everyday
Is just the response to loss
And my resistance to the growing distance
Between me and the human race.
Maybe I think it’s just that your biting your lip I think,
And the way your lips frame your teeth
That makes me sink into the things you say.
To bad your sleeping so far away.
when you say things that wreck my thoughts
I know when I hesitate,
you'll watch me biting my lip
And I think we are thinking the same things
And I think that's why your smiling.
It will always be moments like this
I cling to, that keep me safe from crying.