This coal I've held too long
Call it the siren's song
My palm grows stronger, calloused
My heart is filled with malice

'To err' is human
To forgive, divine'
To rage is too, then
Too porous, in time

All thoughts lead to violence
Stalled spots read it, silenced

Where does this energy go?
Faired, spuds of a moss that grows.
A virus that leads only in time,
Escaping only heeds of mine.

i'm lost again
trying to recover the pieces of myself
this room brings to remem'brance
i've tried to hide but i've only managed to pelt

all answers lead to nowhere
and i'm somehow worse-for-wear
the questions that got me here
perhaps, i never should have asked

these sides i show to no one
this nakedness - a sin
when there's nowhere left to run
these four walls swallow me within

Toxic masculinity is
I'm going to cheat
Instead of expressing my insecurities

Toxic masculinity is
I'm going to hit you
Instead of raising my voice from time to time

Toxic masculinity is
I'm going to **** myself
Before I let you see me cry in front of you

So I apologize
For being insecure
For raising my voice
For crying

But this is the emotion you've been dying to see in a man.

I'm sorry you're not used to it...

You said I spoke poetry
And your mind was as sharp as all your thorns
But I'll wear a suit of armor
As I hold you close in memory

Love, your friend always,
-The Sour, Patched Kid

your warmth like a blanket
gripping like an anklet
i held you tight in my arms,
too loose in my grasp

your smile like a spanglet
i crack your ears to see it
eyes dark like the lights
when we lay next to each other

your heart like a home
with a familiar scent
- a flower of love in our garden -
and the comfort of a family

your break like an iceberg,
you held too little above
and so much below,
sinking my ship of hope
in the idea of love

"it was an honor being your partner."
yours, too, Bug.
Love, forever in my heart,
-The Sour, Patched Kid

If you would just
Set aside your pride for a few minutes
And do a few clicks or taps to reach me...
I'm only several fingertips away.

i haven't held on to a single memory of you
not a fight or a session of love making
i try to recall the person i loved
what was your laugh like?
what made you cry?
and i can
hardly even picture your face
not a wrinkle or freckle in place
i've forgotten the animosities along with what seemed to be only fantasies
remind me who you are...?
how does that voice sound?
the one that sang along to the melody of my mind
i can't remember the last two years of my life
but i'm sure it will all return
atom by atom
at the most inconvenient moments
such as
during a date with my new love
or during a depressive episode
or when my heart is broken next

To think so differently that you fail to relate to most people
To feel so alienated because your emotional palette is so diverse that it has to be supported with reinforced scaffolding
To be so strange that absolutely no one understands your suffering

Nobody ever told me that in such genius there was such loneliness.

Green

Yeah, I felt green around you.
Young. New. Go.
Get the hell away from me...
No, please stay.
I'm free to accelerate.

Yellow

Yeah, I felt yellow around you.
Energetic. Happy. Caution.
I need to pump my brakes.
No, I can make it.
**** it, I'm falling in love.

Red

****... I feel red around you.
Wait. Stop. Danger.
I can't keep doing this to myself.
Will you stop doing this to me?
Or can you love me like I love?

Your energies change like a stoplight,
and sometimes I want to open my door
and run into the middle of traffic.

we lie in each other's arms -
our only truth in the world.
you comb your hand through my hair...
you lie to me, saying, "everything will be alright,"
and i believe you every time.

i look forward to nothing more
than bear-hugging you low around your waist,
and you tracing the ridges of my back with your lips
while you death-grip my hand in yours.

we'll dine here and there and everywhere,
looking at each other like we're the only two people left in a world no longer cruel.
and you'll constantly remind me,"i am yours and you are mine."
and once again...

once again... everything will be fine.

Cutting you off is like

never consuming sugar again
because you're as sweet as they come
quitting drugs and alcohol
because your love leaves me intoxicated
getting off my meds
because you stabilize me
pulling out an IV
because you hydrate my soul
pulling the plug on my life support
because I could live from you

can't shake this feeling,
feel like a schoolyard boy again,
unsure of the next step after simply liking you.
i've never felt a want like this.

how can i miss someone i don't even know?
felt nervous for the first time in seven years -
a heart attack away from never being able to love you.
i'll use less tonight if it means seeing you again.

waking from a nightmare into the dream of having you beside me.
i can keep the shades closed because i'll have all the sunshine i need.
i'll keep my heart open because all my love will wake.
what do i have to do to see you every daybreak?

men used to fight wars over women like you.
and i suppose i'd take to arms to hold you in mine.
a.i. generators couldn't better picture 'goddess'.
and maybe... just maybe...

they won't better picture 'love'.

parted, napsack full of fears.
again, where was 'begun'?
this labyrinth full of mirrors
has twisted all the fun.

i try again to find my way,
instead only i see myself:
a child - no games left to play
a bard - no tales left to tell.

if i scream, an echo's 'round.
nowhere are ears to lend,
wide'ning to my siren sound -
to me, my only friend.

so we grow old, sighed by side,
my voice strangled, wrung.
this carousel, the only ride.
there's nowhere left to run.

Don't you know it's a strange thing
The way my thoughts are arranging
September's cold at its core and it's all for show

Could have sworn you were witness
Meeting adjourned, concerns fit best
I swallowed more than my pride and now I'm alone

Lend me, oh friend of mine
Spare me, oh have you got some time?
Mend this, oh this heart of mine,
Ending, oh this tragedy climbs

Tempting, oh the exit sign
Hem me, oh have you got some twine?
Remem'bring, oh what was the sign,
Tending, oh wash my mem'ries blind

So much flagrant anger,
and violet silence,
leads to frustration all in vain
and sirens, violence.

Ideas feed the blind,
look by it. die, grit.
frilled smiles by design,
be quiet. die, quick.

Friends before, now estranged,
both nigh from frightened.
Hurricanes to earthquakes,
to die from climates

I'm just trying to find substance that can't be smoked, ingested, or injected.
You would want to think I love running marathons. That I'm some passionate ultra enthusiast, or some man who believes he'll one day jog across the entire United States - perhaps 14th century "United States": a never-ending treadmill of prairie where rolling your ankle over is as common as stepping on used gum at a carnival. With this much prairie, it's bound to happen. I'm going to fumble and fall. It could be that I'll have to resort to a crawl for a while. It could be that I curl up and accept my title. Maybe I'll even write a book about my failure: "Rolling Ankles On The Rolling Plains". The only people who would buy it would be the marathoners icing their ankles on the couch at home.

A freshly wrung-out sponge, doomed to spend eternity being teased by the one thing that once kept me alive.
A bendy-straw cigarette ****, damp and unable to be re-lit while its insides stumble every which way and that.
A crumpled piece of paper thrown under a tree, destined to spend its entire life in the shadow of its father.